Sure. It's 867-5309....

Sebastian: So, Miss J. My mom can't come to conferences.
Me: Okay...you're not failing my class. I don't need to see her unless she really wants to come in.
Sebastian: Yeah. She wants to come in. Err...but she can't. So, she wanted to call you over break. So.... (impishly grins) can I get your number?
Me: Your mother may call the school anytime she wishes to speak to me.
Sebastian: But--
Me: Stop. My car is older than you.
Boys at the table: BUUUUURN!
Sebastian: Can't blame a boy for trying.
Irving: Sebastian, you are so inappropriate.
Me: Seriously.

More Misconceptions: AIDS

After school...

Student A: Miss J. I talked to Mrs. D about this, and I don't believe her. You're a science teacher, so you'll know.
Me: Oh god. Now what?
Student A: When gay people have, you know, sex, they create AIDS right? Like, even though they're both clean, they create it.
Me: (blinking)....You're just messing with me right now, right? You're trying to make my brain shoot through my nose?
Student A: No, really. (Student looks dead serious)
Me: Sweetheart, can I give you knowledge I don't have? Can I teach you something I don't know?
Student A: Uh, no.
Me: Can I give you a present I haven't purchased yet?
Student A: No.
Me: Can I give you a cold I don't have?
Student A: No.
Me: So, how in the world do you think that gay people create AIDS?
Student A: Well, that's what I was taught. Like, it showed up in the gay population first, right? Straight people can't get it.
Me: Anybody who has sex or shares needles or presses bleeding wounds together can get it.
Student A: Right but, it started with the gays.
Me: AIDS didn't originate from gay people. It's a mutated strain of a virus that came from monkeys in Africa.
Student A: OH MY GOD. I HATE MONKEYS. Monkeys are way worse than gay people.
Me: Aaaand, this conversation is done.
Student A: So, then why do almost all gay people have it?
Me: Why are we still talking about this? A, they do not and B....(sigh) Okay, I'm going to put this as professionally as I can. If you are gay and you engage in that activity, what do you NOT have to worry about?
Student A: .....
Me: Can you have a kid?
Student A: OH! No. OH! OH!
Me: What are they not doing?
Student A: USING PROTECTION! OH! They're not using protection because they can't get pregnant, so it shows up more in the population because they're not being careful. OH MY GOD THAT MAKES SENSE.
Me: Go home.
Student A: But...
Me: Seriously. I should have said it 5 minutes ago. Go home.

Now, I'm just worried tomorrow's question will be:

"Miss J, did the gays have sex with monkeys?"

Kim Jong-il vs. Chalupa

Andrew: Gerome, you should be that crazy Korean guy for Halloween.
Gerome: Who?
Me: Kim Jong-il? The dictator of North Korea?
Andrew: Yeah!
Me:....Why?...Please tell me its not just because Gerome is Asian.
Andrew: What?! I thought you were from the Philippines.
(Gerome and I exchange glances)
Gerome: Yeah. That's in Asia.
Andrew: Oh. Well, yeah. That guy because Gerome's Asian.
Me: Mmkay. Well, by that logic, I think you should be a chalupa.
Andrew: What?
Me: Because you're Mexican.
Andrew: Can I at least be a bean and cheese burrito?