Wednesday, April 21, 2010

More Quips from B

At recess, one of B's electrons is hovering around him, being a minor nuisance. She folds his orange safety vest over his face, masking his scrubby facial hair (that he claims is a "product of many years of successful breeding.")

B has this terrible habit of mock-interpreting things people say in hilarious fashions, bringing a sliver of joy to my afternoon duty.

Today's example:

Me: Ahh, B. Your whole beard is now nicely day-glo.
B: Don't call me a dago.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Iiiiiiits Soquid!

Yesterday, we looked at cool stuff that glows under a black light (like petroleum jelly, highlighter-water, paper, white shirts, and more) and made cornstarch + water goo. The topic at hand: reviewing physical and chemical properties of various mystery substances. The kids had a total blast making a mess out of everything. (I won't lie... I did too)

Tony: Miss J! This stuff is SOQUID!
Me: What?
Tony: It's a solid. And a liquid! Soquid! Can I go spread the news?
Me: Sure.

Tony runs to every table in class, squeezing his hand to make the substance solid, then letting it drip through his fingers. In a fantastic sciencey-voice he proclaims "Look! It's as soquid! A soquid, I say!"

The only thing missing was a British accent and the phrase "By Jove!" at the end.

5 Minutes later:
Castro: Miss J, you're like a soquid.
Me: Why's that?
Castro: Because you sometimes act like you're all mean and hard-- like a solid. But you're actually really nice.
Me: I'm really just mush, huh?
Maritza: Nods, grins at me.
Castro: Yup!

Damn. Kids know my secret.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Just a Beaver

Day 1 of AIMS testing done, and by brain's already fried.
After school, I get a dose of Vitamin B and end up part of this conversation....

Mr. B: Sondra, Did you just call me "just a beaver?"
Student: No I called you "Justin Bieber."
Me: Who is that?
B: (in lovely falsetto) You know. He's the one that sings "Baby, baby, baby, oooooo!"
Me: Yikes Got it. I think I liked beaver better.
(girls lose interest, meander away)
B: You know, this might be as good as our school's motto.
Me: I think you should hang a sign that says "Just a Beaver" on your door. You know, right under another that says "We go hard."

Moments later:
Girl: MR. B! I locked my stuff in your room. (B runs back to his room, with his key)
Me: Oh, come on B, you don't have to use that key. Just gnaw through the door!
B: (Pauses, then very seriously....) Beavers like wood. (We both die with laughter, girls are totally oblivious inside the classroom)
B: You know we're both going to get fired.

It would be totally worth it.

Gorilla Snot

Lately, one of my students has been carrying around this hair styling product called something like "Gorilla Snot." He likes to take it out of his bag and sniff it. And add more to his hair. It hasn't bothered me as it hasn't bothered anyone else in class.

At the end of one period, I looked over at him and saw him, lip jutted out, arm cocked above his head in an awkward 90 degree angle, wrist bent backwards....

Scratching his head like a gorilla.
With utter seriousness.
The label was pointing right at us.

I burst into laughing and pointed it out to the kids I was sitting with.

Student 1: Is Angel evolving backwards?
Me: Gorillas are actually pretty smart. It might actually be moving forwards for him.... You know, you can teach a gorilla sign language?
Student 2: Gorillas ARE smart. Man, a gorilla makes me look like an idiot.

I hope that's not the only epiphany he's had this year....