Okay, so M came in today because she needed my help-- she has to write a letter to the court so that her dad can get his citizenship and stay in the US. Right now he just has a work visa and its about to expire. She is a citizen, as are all of her sisters (except one) but neither of her parents are.... her mom is here illegally. So she came to ask me for help with that. BUT before she did that she had to explain her last year to me. Apparently, the death of her cousin-- who was like a sister to her-- shook her to the bone.
Her cousin's name was Abagail. At 14 she was diagnosed with Leukemia, and halfway through the year.... she died. M was there when they pulled the plug. M was there when she slipped into a coma. M was there to see her eyes all bloody and chafed because her tear ducts were no longer producing liquid. M was there to say goodbye to the girl she wanted to share her quincinera with.
And then, her dad went to prison.
And she was at a new school.
And she had no friends.
And so, she started doing drugs. And cutting herself. And getting into fights. Because part of her didn't want to live anymore. And part of her just wanted to escape. Because she didn't know what to do. She just didn't want to do this.
She's now in counseling. For anger management. For drugs. For the huge cuts she's inflicted upon herself. She worries that she's permanently damaged her brain. She worries that she's permanently damaged her future. She's terrified to tell me anything. I'm terrified she won't.
I love this girl. She is my sister. She is coming to me after school tomorrow so we can work on her letter. I can't help but feel like I need to save her. To rescue her. That she'd be like me if only she was in the environment I was raised in.
I wonder if I've done any good. I wonder if I've had enough of an impact. She says I'm like her mom. I wonder if that's enough.
2 comments:
Caring, caring, caring. Your caring brings hope, hope brings change (sounds like I stole from Obama's campaign). What little lifeline we can throw may very well be enough to stir their inner strength to deal with what is ahead of them and faces them now. You show love and guidance. Soon enough they will take the reins. If you're like her Mom, have hope that she will one day "walk".
I know you will do the very best you can and more than most would. That's all you can do. Your best. And I know you always do. She's had a rough life already. Let her know you know that. That you are there for her. There is only UP from here. Everyone goes thru rough times. Sometimes early in life, sometimes later. This is her rough time. Tell her things WILL get better. Give her hope, solace, comfort. If you've done your best and something still doesn't work out for her, remember that you did your best and that is ALL that you can do. If this turns out to be the case, it was meant to be. The reason may remain unknown, but for some reason, meant to be. Love to you, love to her.
The other M
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