My Lack of Maturation

So, today, we had the "Maturation Assemblies."
Translation: the girls and boys of 6th grade got to learn about... PUBERTY! Woo! FUN!

(Side note: I really hate when people pronounce the word "poo-ber-ty," don't you?)

I thought I was going to be stuck with all the girls, listening about the joys of menstruation, but instead, I had the rare opportunity to babysit a group of young lads who didn't have their permission slips signed (which made me laugh-- the kids weren't responsible enough to hand in a slip about maturing? Ha! Sweet irony.).

Anyhow, next door to me, the boys were having their nice little chat.

I figured that it would start with an educational movie, circa 1970, then, I don't know, a little discussion in which the boys wouldn't say anything and the teacher would tiptoe around the subject as much as possible.

INSTEAD....I hear the gym teacher, bellowing in his militant voice, something like, "Why do we all LAUGH when we hear the word PENIS? ITS NOT FUNNY. Its not a JOKE."

Nice opener, sport.

I can already tell that I'm going to need a distraction to keep myself from laughing. Its not so much the subject material, but the way Mr. Clearly-Compensating-for-Something is speaking.
I can't tell all of what's being said next door, but every once in a while, an ennunciated word seeps through..... "blur blur blur EJACULATION!"

I pull an enormous novel out of my bookbag. The boys in my room have work to do, but their eyes are fixed on me. I musn't react! I musn't react! I pull the novel in front of my face so they can't see my expression. I bite the sides of my cheeks, and I hear...

"and that's when you get an ERECTION!"

Oh, sweet lord. My smirk turns to a smile and threatens to break, and then the gym teacher screams...

"You get a little WOOD!"

The entire class next door cracks up, I chortle along with them. Oh, sweet release.

Sex ed certainly has changed a lot from when I was in 6th grade.