Shambles!

I flew home to help heal the wounded heart of a friend. I missed two days of school. And when I came back?

MY ROOM WAS IN SHAMBLES.

Papers and books were everywhere, my markers/pencils/staplers were missing. I opened my e-mail to find a rambling letter about the atrocious nature of my kids. Disrespectful, wild, chaotic, out of control. All of the lab materials were stolen so the kids couldn't do their work. None of the homework was done. The sub cried. The principal had to be called down TWICE. The teacher next door had to come over and teach them.

To sum up my emotions in one word.... FURIOUS!!!

So, I gave them lunch detention. All 60 of them. For an entire week. No labs. No fun activitites. Just bookwork. Worksheets. No afterschool fun time. No Friday free time. NOTHING.

But here's the thing with torturing kids.... you end up torturing yourself. Lunch detention for a week = I had to sit with their butts for lunch every day.
Worksheets & bookwork= I was bored to tears... but, damn it, I work too damn hard for them to be asses. Sigh.

Lookin' Pimp Again

"Miss J, you look PIMP!"

(oh god, not again.... what's with this outfit? no grill, no giant clock.... no feather in a tall green tophat...)

"So, I look like a guy who forces women to have sex with strangers for money? Great."

"What?!"

"That's a pimp. Were you not aware?"

Of course not.

Damn MTV.

Fall Break!

I wonder if my teachers were ever so excited about fall break? Whee!!

Of course, fate being the cantankerous seahag that she is.... has blessed me with a cold. Just in time. What did I do that ticked off Karma so much? Unreal.

And Proud of It!

Today, I gave the most recent math test back to the kids.

"And, with one of the top scores, Carlos! 103%!"

The class's cheers are interrupted by a voice.

"NERD!"

This comes from Edgar, my favorite punkass, and Carlos's best friend. Carlos, according to my girls, is very popular and swoon-worthy. He is currently dating one of my ladies, who happens to be gorgeous, opinionated and very bright.

Carlos rolls his eyes. "Dude. You're just jealous that you're not as smart as me."

At this, my eyes began to glint. "And, with the second highest score in class... EDGAR! 101%!"


"NERD!" screams the whole class.

"Yean and PROUD OF IT!" he shouts back.

My smile almost fell right off my face. In fact, my whole head nearly fell right off.

I got Edgar. My punkass, too cool for school, homework is boring, this-is-whack kid to say he was PROUD OF BEING A NERD!


AHAHAHAH! I WIN! I WIN! My glee was almost tangible.
I said nothing. Just grinned like a maniac.

Miss J 235, Edgar 0.

My year has officially been made.

Bustin' out the Gloves

One of my biggest pet peeves (other than the dreaded "I don't get it") is when someone says "That's GAY." The very phrase presented in such a negative way makes me want to pummel faces and give detentions... if only I could give detentions to adults... then the world would truly be a better place.


So, we had to have the "Why it is Idiotic to Call Something Gay" talk today.

At first, I tried having an adult discussion about the topic (without getting into religion, which is kind of diffictult). However, talking rationally did not help, because, of course, my audience was a group of 6th graders. Duh.


So, instead, I had to bust out my Gloves of Shock and Awe. But first, I put on a really excited smile.


"Okay. Hey! I have a really fun idea. Instead of saying 'That's stupid," we should all say "That's Mexican!"


GASP!


Me: "Well? WELL?! HOW DOES THAT MAKE ANY SENSE?!"


One kid: "But... that's like...."

Me: "Saying all Mexicans are stupid?"

Kid: "Yeah. And we're not."


Me: "No kidding! I've got a class full of brilliant minds here, and you're making yourselves sound like total idiots by using that phrase. Plus, not only are most of you Hispanic, but what else are you?"


Kid: "Kids?"

Me: "What else?"


Athletes, cheerleaders, musicians. Multi-faceted.

Curtain, and bow. Oh thank the Lord for Gloves of Shock and Awe.

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