Imagine a class of 18 spectacular human beings. The boys use their brain breaks to play tag and still love Spiderman. The girls work hard, support each other, and are incredibly mature. Overall, they're a group of kids that are still, well, kids. They work hard, laugh often, and ask great questions. Sometimes, however, these questions start off innocent, and then spiral wildly out of control. But, this is middle school, and this shit just happens.
While the kids were cutting up some papers, and one of my super smart, uber-mature, girls who I shall refer to as Kelsey, suddenly said....
"Miss J, what's a dildo?
Oh sweet Jesus.
But without a beat, the conversation took off. Racehorses out of the gates, Pandora's box overflowing. It couldn't be stopped.
Smidgen: Oh, I know what that is.
Pixel: Wait, you don't know what PMS is, but you know what a.... you know... is? That's screwed up.
Kelsey: What is it?!?!
Me: You know... let's maybe not say that word out loud.
Pixel: You should just tell her. All the girls are daring each other to scream it at school. Besides, it's better you tell her than she look it up on google at school. That's what Jeni did.
Seriously?
Once again....welcome to middle school!
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Friday, January 20, 2012
Bolus!
I love talking about the digestive system. Today, while reviewing, I asked "So, who remembers what the squishy mass of food is called?" A couple kids raised their hands. "You know, when your teeth grind it up, and your saliva breaks it down, and then you swallow it?"
Another kid asked "So, like when it's in your throat?"
I nodded. Then, with great vigor and enthusiasm, a great child I call President raised his hand with an audible "OOOH!" You could just see the light bulb going off.
"President, go!" I said.
"BALLS!" he cried.
The entire class silently stared at me. Held their collective breath. Terrible comebacks shot through my brain like fireworks. I sure hope you don't swallow balls. You keep balls in your throat? Grinding your balls with your teeth is probably not the best plan, but the flexibility is impressive. Oh my god. I could not say any of these things. The words, prisoners, trapped just behind my teeth, fighting to get out.
So, I did what any good teacher would do. I cracked up.
The class melted and President put his head in his hands. "That's not what I meant...."
"Would you like to try that again, Prez?"
"Bolus," he said sadly. "I meant to say bolus. I was just a few letters off...."
I made the class practice the word, and they all erupted into giggles again. Then, while diagramming the digestive system, we decided to draw the bolus sliding down the esophagus.
"Can I draw it as a circle?" one kid asked.
"Just don't draw it as TWO!" another replied.
Indeed. Please do not draw it as two.
Another kid asked "So, like when it's in your throat?"
I nodded. Then, with great vigor and enthusiasm, a great child I call President raised his hand with an audible "OOOH!" You could just see the light bulb going off.
"President, go!" I said.
"BALLS!" he cried.
The entire class silently stared at me. Held their collective breath. Terrible comebacks shot through my brain like fireworks. I sure hope you don't swallow balls. You keep balls in your throat? Grinding your balls with your teeth is probably not the best plan, but the flexibility is impressive. Oh my god. I could not say any of these things. The words, prisoners, trapped just behind my teeth, fighting to get out.
So, I did what any good teacher would do. I cracked up.
The class melted and President put his head in his hands. "That's not what I meant...."
"Would you like to try that again, Prez?"
"Bolus," he said sadly. "I meant to say bolus. I was just a few letters off...."
I made the class practice the word, and they all erupted into giggles again. Then, while diagramming the digestive system, we decided to draw the bolus sliding down the esophagus.
"Can I draw it as a circle?" one kid asked.
"Just don't draw it as TWO!" another replied.
Indeed. Please do not draw it as two.
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