Can you do the Jerk?

"If one more kid tells me that he's an expert at jerking, I'm going to lose it"
-- Great quote today by Greg.

Donnie's Enormous Ego Part 1

Donnie: Miss J, when you go home, or talk to Silver, you must talk about your favorite student, you know, how amazing he is, how he always brightens up your day, how he has such a great attitude, how he's a little slice of heaven....
Me: Yes, you're right, I tell Silver about Bryan.
Bryan: Yeaaaah! That's right.
Donnie: I don't understand why you're always hating on me. I'm amazing. All of my teachers have always talked about me. We were always like best friends. Can I be your best friend?
Me: Nope. I already have a best friend.
Donnie: Don't you think I'm great, though? I mean, come on. Name a flaw.
Half the class: YOUR GIANT EGO?

No kidding.

Grama

The last week, I've had a terrible cold. Today, my voice finally bit it. I spent the day charading at my kids (I'm going to call that a word too), gesturing wildly, making stupid faces, and whispering when I had to. It was half fun, and half awful. But, all of the kids then whispered because I was-- kinda funny.

Hector: Are you going to come tomorrow?
Me: Yep. I'll be here.
Hector: Not if you keep drinking that soda. Soda is bad for you.
Me: Thanks, mom.
Hector: No, no. Don't call me mom. I'm not your mom. Call me.... grama.
Me: Oh yes. That's perfect. I am calling you Grama from now on.
Hector: Oh no. What did I just do?

Heh heh heh. Indeed.

Cracker

Donnie: Miss J, you have a cracker?
Me: ....Did you just call me a cracker?
Donnie: God....No! I would never--
Me: Seriously. White people know what that means.
Donnie: No, like a Ritz. Do you have some Ritz?
Me: Nope. Got some Cheerios though.
Adonis: ...For WHAT?
Me: I train tiny dogs to jump through them. Or you know. I eat them. Whatever.
Adrian: You eat tiny dogs? Sick.

Oh, how we get off topic sometimes.

M

Okay, so M came in today because she needed my help-- she has to write a letter to the court so that her dad can get his citizenship and stay in the US. Right now he just has a work visa and its about to expire. She is a citizen, as are all of her sisters (except one) but neither of her parents are.... her mom is here illegally. So she came to ask me for help with that. BUT before she did that she had to explain her last year to me. Apparently, the death of her cousin-- who was like a sister to her-- shook her to the bone.

Her cousin's name was Abagail. At 14 she was diagnosed with Leukemia, and halfway through the year.... she died. M was there when they pulled the plug. M was there when she slipped into a coma. M was there to see her eyes all bloody and chafed because her tear ducts were no longer producing liquid. M was there to say goodbye to the girl she wanted to share her quincinera with.

And then, her dad went to prison.
And she was at a new school.
And she had no friends.


And so, she started doing drugs. And cutting herself. And getting into fights. Because part of her didn't want to live anymore. And part of her just wanted to escape. Because she didn't know what to do. She just didn't want to do this.

She's now in counseling. For anger management. For drugs. For the huge cuts she's inflicted upon herself. She worries that she's permanently damaged her brain. She worries that she's permanently damaged her future. She's terrified to tell me anything. I'm terrified she won't.

I love this girl. She is my sister. She is coming to me after school tomorrow so we can work on her letter. I can't help but feel like I need to save her. To rescue her. That she'd be like me if only she was in the environment I was raised in.

I wonder if I've done any good. I wonder if I've had enough of an impact. She says I'm like her mom. I wonder if that's enough.

What are you, new?

Nayeli and Stephanie are in detention, cleaning up a major mess. Stephanie was tardy one too many times, but the other one? Is the only kid out of 125 who has given me any crap. Does she not know that I'm a bigger diva than she could ever be?
Former students Nephew, Israel and Mr. Chavez come to visit, while Jasmine looks on. Jasmine, who is friends with (and is often the ring-leader of) the two trouble makers, has an epiphany....

Jasmine: Wait. You guys are in here for detention? Not to hang out? You're giving Miss J crap? Are you crazy? She's like, one of the coolest teachers in the school. You have to be cool to her.
Israel: (looks at Nayely) Seriously. What are you... new? (She actually is)

Nothin' better than getting the kids to say what you are thinking.

Sebastian

Info you need to know: Sebastian is about 4 feet tall. He's got elfin features and a spunky little personality. He's the younger brother of a feisty and intelligent student I had last year...and apparently, has an obsession with my pronunciation.

Yesterday
Sebastian: Miss J, say "Fresh."
Me: What? No.
Sebastian: But it's cool. It's cool the way you say "fresh."
Me: You're weird. Finish your lab. Then maybe you'll get your wish, Mentos Man.
Sebastian: Miss J. How does your mouth feel when you brush your teeth?
Me: Clean.
Sebastian: How does mint taste?
Me: Delicious. Lab. Now.

Today
Sebastian: My sweat smells like victory. See? Victory. Right here. In the pits. The side of my arm. It's triumph.
Me: You sound like an ad for Axe.
Sebastian: Because Axe is....FRESH! Say it!
Me: Oh god. Not again.
Sebastian: You're one saucy mama.

What is with these kids?

Year Four, Week 3

"So, you're in education?" says the bank lady.
"Yep. Year four." I look at her face. "Of teaching," I clarify. Because I know what she's thinking.

And then she says it.
"Oh! I thought you were a student."

Of course.

Also, it's week three. Which means the kids are going to start to push. Honeymoon? Over. Today after putting something in GIANT LETTERS which I underlined in RED and said at least 3 times, a kid had the nerve to shout at me:

"You never said that!"

I glowered. I pointed at his notebook where he had it writen. I pointed to the board.
"I...uh.... am not saying you're a liar." He said, looking afraid.
Damn right.

It was a long day.

Let's Talk about Sex Bay-bee

"Okay! So, in order to talk about energy, we're gonna talk about SEX!"
Silence. Then some hooting and nervous laughter.
"FUNGUS SEX."

My kids are not amused by me.

First Day: A Success!

The first day was a success! I over planned this year... so it wasn't a heart-attack like last year. (Oh crap! Oh CRAP! I still have an hour with your butts! Let me quick show you a demo and make a crazy analogy..... Er.... Vinegar. Baking soda. Your brain. Err....)

I already knew about 85% of their faces, and about 50% of them I had either in 6th or in summer school for writing. GOD THAT MAKES MY JOB EASIER.

Except for the fact that I have a self-proclaimed "Young Republican" who is actually a "Young Socialist."

I'm sure you'll be reading more about him in upcoming months.

I'm exhausted, but things are good. I'm excited.

I think it is gonna be a great year.

I don't know why I keep reading the news.

Garbage

"I think the Democrats have got more crazies than the Republicans do," Liz Cheney said. "But setting that aside, one of the reasons you see people so concerned about this ... people are uncomfortable with having for the first time ever, I think, a president who seems so reluctant to defend the nation overseas."

Could that be perhaps, because we've been arrogant and obnoxious and in order to repair our relationships with the rest of the countries, we have to be a little more quiet and humble and apologetic? Do you think running around, still talking about how amazing we are and how right we are is going to fix anything? ESPECIALLY with the state of things?

ARGH. I never thought that a group of people could infuriate me so much.

Quick Questioning Strategies

Last year, I typed these strategies up for the school. Most of them we all learned in college, but some are easy to forget. For all the new teachers out there, here's one more resource!

1. Engagement: Questioning & Movement
a. Time: When you ask a question, don’t forget to give the kids some wait time before you call on a student—some need a few more seconds to process, and rapid fire won’t always work. 5 seconds feels like forever for us, but really helps them.
b. Sometimes re-prompting will help—if the same few kids are always eager to answer, restate the question in another way to get more kids involved, or to lead them to a smaller piece of the puzzle before building back up to the big question.
c. Don’t forget to call on the kids who don’t answer or never raise their hands.
d. Pepper this in! Tell a student that he or she will be answering the following question, pause, give the question, and give the student a bit of time to think, then answer.
e. Hold other students accountable when they’re not answering by calling on them to REPEAT what the last student said. You shouldn’t have to repeat what the student says!
f. Echo back like they do in the elementary grades.
g. Throw a Koosh-ball, or one of those inflatable cubes and don’t let the kids leave until everyone’s participated.
h. Post answers around the room and have the kids write the questions, or give them the questions and have them use the posted answers as a scavenger hunt. This works well introducing or reviewing a unit.
i. Have the kids move around as much as possible. Use carousel, four corners, or jigsaw techniques to have them go to different stations. Have students play charades or act out scenarios to answer your question.
j. Pull sticks or do some sort of random call so they know that each one will be accountable at some time during the lesson.
k. Try to steer clear of “yes/no” questions, or questions with really obvious answers—sometimes they’ll just tell you what they think you want to hear. If I ask one of these questions and they respond too quickly, I give them a disturbed look like “really?”….even if they’re right. I make them think about it again, talk with a neighbor, and this time, give me a complete sentence with justification. This helps! (Because let’s face it… we can’t always ask amazing questions off the top of their heads AND its fun to mess with them a little!)
l. Play games! Fuentes’s Hot Seat game is great for vocab. (E-mail me if you want more on that)

2. Engagement: Look Who’s Talking?
a. The people talking are the people that are learning. Don’t go longer than 2-3 minutes without having some sort of interaction with the kids—questioning counts!
b. Use a timer to stop your lectures! If your PowerPoint/presentation is interactive, try not to make the teacher led time longer than 8 minutes without giving them a significant break to work with the material.
c. Don’t forget to give the kids process time when lecturing—they may get it as you’re going but they’ll quickly forget if they don’t DO something with it. Let them explain to a neighbor, summarize it, get clarification, etc. before you continue on.
d. Ask basic questions, but also try to ask questions that don’t have yes or no answers. Kids will be more courageous, and will use their imaginations more to answer. Yay for higher participation.

3. Motivation & Connections
a. Try to get to know the kids as much as you can. The more you know them, the more you’ll gain mutual respect and will be able to cater to them and their interests. Doing lots of centers and group work makes this easy—as you rotate around, you build better rapport.
b. Remember that their world isn’t the one we grew up in. Even having story problems written about them helps.
c. If you can’t explain to them why they’re learning something, or why it’s important, it’ll be hard for them to care. Be prepared to answer the question “What’s in it for me?”

4. Background & Common Ground
a. Good teachers use an “attention getter” (also known in obnoxious teacher jargon as an “anticipatory set.”) to get the kids excited about the lesson and to turn their brains on. If you’re not a melodramatic type and don’t like the idea, try thinking of it as a shared experience—it doesn’t necessarily have to be something crazy-exciting. Do something together that serves as an analogy for the concept, then link it to the academic idea. (See attached notebook presentation as an example—the teacher page is at the end)
b. Give the kids a chart, a book, or something else to look at and have them write observations, predictions, and then any questions they still have. Then share with a partner. After they’ve already familiarized themselves, dig in!
c. Don’t tell them the answers! Plan lessons that let them observe and predict/hypothesize/infer and don’t them depend on you. Every time they question you, fire a question back; lead them off to a wrong direction, or to another idea. Let them finish a sort/categorization (and give their reasoning for why they put together what they did) and have incorrect answers. Then, get another classmate from another class write them a letter and give their own ideas—what’s incorrect and why; what their grade would be and why. This fosters more independence and creativity on their part, plus you can incorporate debate/discussion, reading and writing!

Tom Horne: Devil Incarnate?

This is a short article.

Read it.

Then be furious with me.

I will rant later.

Why AZ is 50th in the Nation.

Not Just a Cute Phrase

Just about every Saturday, Mr. B and Mr. X, my hunka burnin' love, (that's gross, right? Tee hee!) drive the 15-20 minutes to the park that sits behind our school. There, they stomp around like maniacs and attempt (sometimes even succeed!) at beating whatever boys show up for a round or two of basketball. In the 95+ degree heat. Because they're insane. And incredibly good role models. But that's beside the point.

This Saturday, Mr. B was off baiting sharks with his own blood (true story) so he could not throw his arms up in either victory or indignation, so I thought I'd tag along. Not to play basketball, mind you (Me? Basketball? Let's take this whole 'becoming athletic' idea one thing at a time here....), but to be a picture-taking cheerleader. So, giant Nikon in hand, I skipped out to the court.

As Rey (soft spoken, always smiling, gentleman) and Jesus ( cookie-lovin', question-askin' jumping bean) plus the fearless teacher took on a couple other lads, I got myself situated in the meager shade of a palm tree. The temperature was perhaps a balmy 95, slight breeze, and some deliciously puffy clouds lounged in the air. All in all, a beautiful day. Hot, but bearable.

My shutter clicked over and over, capturing the boys' mad leaps and the ball's wicked flight... and then, I started to itch.

You know how sometimes when you get sweaty, you get itchy? Yes, I thought. That's what it was. My lower back was just kind of uncomfortable. Hmm. My butt was kind of itchy. This is weird. My upper back is now getting itchy.

I removed my eye from the camera for a second, took a look at my legs....and saw 4 giant, quarter-size welts.

And realized....

I had ants in my pants, ladies and gentlemen.

Ants.
In my pants.

The little demons bit me just about everywhere.

My mother's voice came back to haunt me from my childhood "Brittany, you've got ants in your pants. Will you calm down?" My father's voice echoed along side. "Get bit!" his voice echoed every time I was naughty. My childhood. Summed up in two phrases.

Was Nike (goddess of peaceful competition and victory) furious because I refused to play sports and instead wanted to lounge on my butt?
Or was this the Sandman's revenge for waking up earlier than I'd planned?
Is this karmic retribution for making fun of my sister for so many years (because mosquitoes LOVE her, but never bite me)?

I may never know the answer. But know this folks-- ants in the pants? Not just a cute little phrase after all. I would not recommend it to anyone.

Empty Nest

I'm a mess.

My "babies" had their 8th grade graduation ceremony today. They started walking into the cafeteria, and from my vantage point of the stage I could see them all-- nervous and excited-- and started to get a bit misty. Then, one of my girls from 6th grade caught my eye. Her lip quivered. I lost it. Then. Professor Juan (the adorable dimple-festooned student who would say "coooookie?" to me and cheer me up my first year) gave a speech.

"Juanito" talked about how hard it was to make it in this country, and how he came here knowing no English. After having teachers and parents who trusted him, he trusted them back and mastered the language, and moved into advanced classes-- all before 8th grade. He said something about being excited for the future because if he could accomplish this.... well, what else could he do? What else could he master? And that little cute voice of his, and those dimples, and the message of hope and hard work and the thanks and credit he gave to US? .... I lost it again.

And then they walked out. More sentimental music. I walked out, stared at the sky and kept saying "Don't talk to me! Don't talk to me! I can't look at you, I'm going to cry!"
"You're ALREADY crying, Miss J!" they said. And dozens of hugs (and pictures) soon followed. And then? They went home. 11:00 and my babies were gone. My chicos and chicas had flown the coop.

After school, Ms. C (their math teacher) and I were invited to a graduation party, but not long after we arrived it was clear that this party wasn't for Janneth. Yes, a handful of her friends where there. Yes, a few family members were there. But SHE'D made the dinner. She'd made the appetizers and the dessert. She bought flowers.

For us.

And of course, I lost it again.

I don't care how many mothers argue with me. This is worse. You know when you send your babies off to high school or college that they are and always will be your babies. You will know how to get in touch with them. You know their phone numbers and where they're living. You can keep in touch with them easily and feel assured that they will call you if they need you.

But I have no idea what will happen to my kids. Kids who have dealt with parents who have been shot to death or sent to jail, the pressures of drugs and gangs. Unimaginable things. And they stand above it. Or, thus far, they have.

Dealing with apathy is hard. Trying to make everything creative is hard. But the hardest thing of all is letting go of them. Instead, I know I'll sit here and wonder: Are they safe? Are they healthy? Are they happy? Are they successful? Do they need help? Do they need someone to listen? Do they need someone to egg them on?

It's only been a couple hours and I miss them already.