Type 1 Personality

We are studying the digestive system, which as it turns out, is one of my favorite things to teach. If someone would have told me a decade ago that I'd be standing in front of 32 11-year-olds talking about poop, I would have blushed crimson and vehemently disagreed. I am dainty! Dignified! Distinguished!

At the age of 10 I stubbornly informed my grandmother that if one had to describe one bodily function, one was to say "passed gas." Fart? What a horrid word! How repulsive. Uncouth! Neanderthal. Besides, girls don't break wind OR poop. Didn't you know?

Today? I find myself awfully potty-mouthed.
The other day, however, one kids tried to prematurely one-up me.

Boy 1: Poop! HEH HEH HEH! POOP!
Me: Seriously? That's the BEST you've got? Am I supposed to be grossed out? Pfft.

( Come on. Do you not know who I am? Have I not already educated you about penis-dwelling parasites? Have we not talked about possible jellyfish remedies? Have I not grotesquely described my various dissections? The flight of vitreous humor? The formaldehyde-inducing eye tearing and gag reflex?)

Okay, so you think poop is hilarious? Fine. I'll tell you all about constipation. I will draw the descending colon on the board. We will talk about water absorption. What is that?
You think repeating the word diarrhea over and over again is riotous? Okay, Bevis (or is it... Butthead?). Let me talk about that too.
What? You don't know about BOWEL OBSTRUCTIONS? How can you say you've LIVED if you haven't talked about BOWEL OBSTRUCTIONS?
Okay. Let's see if you think THAT'S funny. Let the party BEGIN!
Wait, what is this? The giggling... is now nervous? What? You don't WANT to hear about your own bowel movements? But... why ever not? I thought that's what you wanted....

And, let's be honest. While I do have some fantastic students, I have a handful of real...shitty ones... as well.

I think I will start referring them by classification according to this chart: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Bristol_Stool_Chart.png

Some days, don't you just wish you could point to this chart and say to a coworker, student, daughter of a friend or so on....

"Cindy Lou, today, you've got a Type 1 personality. A real, how do I say, pain in my ass?"