I'll stay here, on the bench.

So, to further prove (mostly to myself) that there is something amiss with my homeroom class (and not myself), let me discuss the most current batch of benchmark scores.

If you are not a teacher, let me first explain what a benchmark score is.
It is not, as I'd first thought, the number of times you were benched in gym. If that was the case, I'd be a most glorious 98%. Whee! Go me!

Anyhow. Several times a year, the school district sends us what looks like a rather innocuous standardized test. The kids show up (with no pencils in hand, of course) and take it, grumbling all the way. Several days later, lucky educators all over the district find themselves looking at posted scores online.

Standardized tests? Make me vomitus maximus. Of course, just about any teacher will tell you the same thing. Trust me-- don't get us started. You won't be able to shut us up. To be brief:

What are these tests supposed to do? Well, they tell us a number of things.

1. If our pacing stinks. (I was supposed to cover decimals, fractions, order of operations, algebra, data analysis and measures of central tendency all in 3 MONTHS?!?! My kids can't friggin' MULTIPLY!)

2. If our teaching stinks. (We DID money math! We did 2 and 3D geometry! We did probability! We covered function tables. Why am I seeing 30%s? I must be the worst teacher in this hemisphere!)


3. Where our kids stink (Okay, they stunk at vertex edge graphs... What in the name of hypnogogic carnations is a vertex edge graph?)


As it turns out, my whole homeroom class stinks. No, reeks. Positively radiates with stench.
The bog eternal.
Think, sulfiric vapors spiriting about over a viscous brew of maggot stew. Think elephant dung latte. Think river of curdled milk in NYC's sewer system.

My homeroom class's average: 37 %.
I had kids in the TEENS.
(I'm sorry, but why is it that your score is barely over your age?)
WHAT IS THAT?

There was virtually NO IMPROVEMENT FROM ALL BUT 3 STUDENTS.

And, let me explain again-- I'm not even talking about the monolingual kids, or those with 1st grade reading levels. I can't blame them for not doing well. They're trying to survive. Can't hate on 'em. But... seriously? For the rest of them? What's the excuse? Don't tell me your dog ate your homework AND your brain.

Let's switch to my second class.

Their math scores?
Every student EXCEPT THREE went up drastically. Class scores ranged from the mid 20's to 80s.
12 passed. 4 came close. 8 went up 20% or higher.
My MONOLINGUAL HAD A 42.
Our class average? 58. One question away from passing. That's not bad! Even an old Scrooge can't be too upset by that.
What's amazing-- this is higher than my fantastic kids from last year by 10%.

So, let me ask-- what the hell is going on? I'm doing 10x more manipulatives, hands on, act-it-out, flash cards and explanations with class 1. So... where are my results?
Oh yeah, I remeber. They are with the part of my brain that has somehow gotten lost in all this quagmire. The part of my brain that reminds me that I don't care about these scores.

(Only I do. I can't help it. They are a reflection of me, and I am not a person who fails. So why am I failing? Why am I so damn bitter? What am I doing wrong? Shit!!)

Next is geometry, which in my opinion, is the easiest unit of the bunch.

If things don't shape up soon, I'll be wishing I was back in dreaded gym class. Back in body odor central, back in hell. Staring at my shoelaces, warming the bench.