The student teacher? Me. The girl? Mortified that I called her out. The resolution? Public tears of humiliation from the student, secret tears of laughter from the teacher.
Today, that teacher returns. Only now, she's navigated the trenches, she's bounded over the trip wire, she's vaulted over the minefield. She's ready for anything. Put on your hard hat, baby. Here we go.
The time? 3:15 pm. The place? Pod 4. The occasion? Thursday Girl's Club. There we were, building confidence, talkin' smack (or... you know... s'math...) , when suddenly, a round of fiendish giggling erupts from the troops. Battle clad as always, I raise my eyebrows and shoot a withering, dart like look. Daring them to giggle once again.
A wave of whispers, hands cupped to neighboring ears, the sound of rose petals falling on cellophane, of crinkling wax paper, of water softly falling. But even with bionic hearing... I can not make out the words. The fearless sergeant folds.
"Okay, okay. I give. What's so darn funny?" I bark.
More whispers and giggles.
Then, hesitantly, "Do I want to know?"
Replies Princess Valeria. "OHH, yes. Yes, you do."
The teacher breaks. "Okay then. Spill it, sistah."
"Well," Giggles starts, then cracking herself up, buries her wide white smile behind her hands.
"You tell it!"
Princess Valeria continues. "Well, you know what Ruben said? Ruben said... that you have...."
Well, well?
"A... BIG BUTT!"
Laughter fills the room like mustard gas. I nearly wet my pants I laugh so hard. All 120 pounds shakes likes a seismograph in action.
Fast forward 2300 Hours>>>
Time? 2:15. Place? The kidney table. The subject? Social studies. The battle pants: On.
"So, guys. I heard something really hilarious last night. You wanna hear?"
"Yeah!" the chorus replies.
"Apparently, according to Ruben, I have a huge butt."
A deadly nanosecond of silence. The deadly stench of fear (or is that BO?)
You can almost hear it. The thought on everyone's mind: Oh shit. Is she pissed?
And then I grin. Instantly the class morphs into a troop of howler monkeys.
Puppy scurries to Ruben, yipping madly, eyeing up his pant leg and licking his chops.
And Ruben? Ruben is scarlet. He punctuates the laughter with defiant screaming: What?! WHAT?! WHO TOLD YOU THAT?!
The class turns their teary eyes back to me.
"Sorry Ruben. That's classified information. If I told you...well you know. And I have just the tool to do it."
I point at my derriere.
The class explodes a second time.
Colonel Colossal? Victorious again.
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