Symbiosis

We were watching this.

In the video, you see an oxpicker eating the ticks off a giraffe at warp speed.

Me: Okay, what type of symbiosis is being shown here? I see two relationships.
Class: Parasitism! Mutualism! Communism!
Me: COMMUNISM?
Daniel:YEAH!
Ivone: That's when a dictator takes over, moron.
Me: Not necessarily, it's just when..... Okay, we're getting off task. Daniel, what is the correct word you meant to say?
Daniel: Commensalism.
Me: Okay, good, and did we see that? Which did we see?
Kevin: Miss J, I want to see that bird eating corn. Nar-nar-nar-nar-nar!
Me: (dies) (regains composure) Can anyone please tell me what they saw?
Madeline: We saw parasitism because the tick was feeding off the giraffe and hurting it, and mutualism because the bird was eating the ticks off the giraffe so both were helped.
Me: Madeline, you just saved my sanity. Thank you.

Random Bits

1.
The news came to our assembly today. Our school raised almost $2,000 dollars total for Francisco Felix's family. Incredible. I tried explaining to the kids how HUGE this had become, but they just didn't get the scope. Guys. National news. I mean... NATIONAL. This isn't just impacting THIS community.... They don't get how big this is. I have to learn how to teach them how a drop can impact a whole pond, and how anyone can be that drop.

2.
I had a paper sign stapled outside my door with my name on it. The kids knew from the sign to line up at that spot before entering. At first, someone wrote "is awesome" after my name. Then, someone wrote "big ass." Thanks guys. Thanks.

3.
Luis: Miss J. If I proposed to you, what would you say?
Me: Proposed what? That you do your homework? Yes. Please do your homework.
Luis: No, you know, like PROPOSED. Like got down on one knee...
Me: Oh! I would laugh at you. And then tell you no.
Luis: What?! But what if I had a nice ring...
Me: Dude. You're like my SON. That's gross.
Luis: But Miss J, I'm awesome. And I make you laugh.
Me: True. But still gross.
Daniel: She doesn't want you fool. She wants to super size that. (points to himself)
Me: Okay, now we're really done. I'm going to go barf up my lunch now.

Angels and Devils

First, the devils.
This morning, while getting into line, one of my kids thought it would be a good idea to throw a handful of this chili-powder candy into the eyes of another kid.Good idea? Yes. If you want to get sent to the office and get in serious trouble. "I was aiming for his mouth," the kid said. Yeah. Right.

Juan: Miss J, I know you said mistletoe's a parasite and all that, but we should get them for the door, so when you come in--
Me: Juan, I am not making out with you. (class dies)
Osuna: BUT YOU JUST TOLD US YOU WERE A PARASITE! You JUST....
Me: Well, then I'd be a vampire, and in that case... you don't want me anywhere near you.
Osuna: Well...
Me: You're all gross. Stop.



The angels.
My homeroom decided to make me cards for my birthday in art class. One, impressively, shows a chromosome unwrapping into chromatin, and then DNA. In the chromatin, it says "Happy birthday." Creative! Then, on the inside it says:

"Happy Birthday Miss J. We know we are a little late and we're sorry. This year has been the best and we know you have problems in life but whenever you feel sad just think about the fun times you had with us, and how happy you made us. Thank you so much and have a happy holiday.

World peace and no nuclear power plants!!"

-- M.C.

A second one just said "Happy Birthday, Miss J". Stapled on the top corner was a packet of graham crackers. Below, was a picture of a radioactive cow dripping milk into an Erlenmeyer flask. Under it said "here's some milk to go with your cookies."

Hilarious.






And finally--
There is a kid at my school whose dad has a failing liver. His family fears that government cutbacks could set in at the time his dad may NEED a liver. This terrifies him. So, after watching the news, he learned about a man who couldn't get insurance because funding that had already been cut.

So, as a 7th grader... he has been standing on the street corners with a sign for a MAN HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW, to try and raise money to get the guy a liver. A dime at a time.

Then, he started a drive at the school. Now, keep in mind, this is Title 1. This is not a rich neighborhood by any means. It isn't even middle class for the most part.

One of my kids sent handfuls of change all over my table ("Osuna! Are you a leprechaun? Are you donating the treasure at the end of the rainbow?" "Yeah, Miss J, only it wasn't gold, it was COPPER!). Another kid, instead of going to HIGH SCHOOL that day (don't even get me started there), came back to my class, spent the day with me...and donated five dollars to the cause.

In one day, the kids as a whole raised $1600.


And Carlos is still on the corner with his bucket collecting change every day.

AND THIS HAS MADE NATIONAL NEWS.
Holy crap.




Sometimes, I want to shank a kid (namely in my last block) but sometimes-- I just love 'em.

Octopus Games

While studying crypsis (forms of adaptations that allow an organism to hide, like mimicry, camouflage, being transparent or nocturnal, or having a subterranean lifestyle), we watched a video that showed the incredible mimic octopus at work.

Alex: Man. You do NOT want to play hide and seek with an octopus.

I wonder if I could get them to brainstorm other similar thoughts.

IE...
You wouldn't want to play tag with a cheetah.
You would want to build a fort with a beaver.
You wouldn't want to attend an eating contest with an anaconda.

I love my 7/8 Class

Me: ....and that's that...
Stanley: Miss J, did you just say I was fat?
Me: *blink* Well, you do beep when you walk backwards.
Stanley: .....
Me: OH COME ON. That's a TOTAL STANLEY JOKE! You should be proud of me.
Stanley: Okay, okay. (sigh) It was kind of funny.
Me: You totally just killed all of my fun.


Me: Don't call me mama.
Javier: Yeah, call her BIG MAMA!
Javier: I'm going to die now, aren't I?



We had just been studying the peppered moth/natural selection story when....

Me: (putting sticky-note raffle tickets in Ivone's hair & calling her the prettiest x-mas tree ever)
Ivone: Mom!
Me: Yes?
Ivone: Brother's being stupid!
Me: What'd be do?
Ivone: He ruined my Christmas tree.
(Kevin aka Perfection grins)
Me: Perfection, you are getting coal for Christmas.
Ivone: And that's bad. Because you're white. The predators are going to eat you.
Me: Ivone, I love you.
Ivone: Yeah, I'm your favorite daughter.


Robo: (swearing)
Me: Out! Go write me an apology letter.
Robo: Awwww, shit.
Me: ROBO!!!!
Robo: What?
Me: YOU JUST DID IT AGAIN!
Robo: What?
Me: You can't shit in here!
Robo:.....
Me: That's not what I meant.
Robo: You owe me an apology letter.

Holy Crap. They knew something.

I was doing a lab based off of this website. Using the website, kids were acting like birds, eating peppered moths in the original and polluted England forest. Having fun. Not being jerk wads.

Then, after collecting the data for various trials, I asked them to find the measures of central tendency. I had even printed a page examples on how to find each one. To my utter surprise and bewilderment.... MOST OF THEM KNEW EXACTLY HOW TO DO IT!

Oh my god.

It was amazing.

There were only 3-4 kids who had absolutely no clue what they were doing!! AMAZING!

Despite the fact that I am beside myself with happiness, what does it say about Arizona education when I am tickled pink that my 8th graders can do 6th grade math?

And what did it say that even after written and modeled EXPLICIT directions....they still could not produce bar graphs?

Arizona, we have some serious work to do. But thank you for teaching my kids mean, median, mode, range and outlier.

I matter...

Well, this last week has been utter hell. A kid told me my decisions were "bullshit." One of my classes has a 39% average. Kids in my first class pants each other and are horrible bullies. I feel like I am useless. Yet, the universe keeps telling me I'm doing good things, but all I can fixate on is the fact that two of my four classes act like total asses.

But, I did get this letter today. I need to keep reading it until I believe it....


Dear Ms. J,
I am so sorry for all the bad things that the class has done and would really like to apologize for our misbehavior, disrespect and lack of knowledge that we treated you with this past couple of weeks. I know this kind of crap can bring you down but always remember that every day is a new one with hidden surprises. On the other hand I know that a small percentage of the class has actually done their work and I apologize for our inconvenience. Thank you so much for not giving up on us, you show traits of a true fighter. You've helped us when we have problems and when we do have a situation we know that you can be the one we turn to to get the problem fixed and we can trust you 100% of the time. You supported us all the time. Miss J, you ROCK for sure. Never let any of us bring you down. Just discipline us, send us out of the room, give us detention. I don't know, you choose. I hope one day the whole class has notice what they've done and how they hurt you because a lot of the class is stingy and only think about themselves. THANK YOU so much for being the best teacher anyone could have.

Sincerely,
MC

P.s. You are the smartest science teacher in history. Remember... YOU ROCK!!




I almost burst into tears when I read this. I have to keep telling myself I matter, I matter, I matter, I matter....

The Yearly "Homo" Talk

Today, we were looking at homozygous vs. heterozygous allelic combinations. To understand the words, I always break them down into pre/suffixes. Of course, with the word 'homozygous' you just know you're going to get a headache. I tackle it head on because, well, if you don't call them out on their immaturity, then its just as bad as ignoring it.


Me: ....so whether its in terms of sexuality or alleles, homo just means "the same."
Student 1: So, Miss J, what you're saying is that when we call someone 'homo' we're just calling them the same?
Me: Yup. Not an insult. Just makes you look like an idiot.
Student: So can we just call them homosexuals instead?
Me: That's still not an insult. Also makes you look like an idiot.
Student 1: Damn

What I wanted to say but didn't: Also, humans species? Homo sapiens. So, I hate to tell you, but you're all homos.


Well, probably didn't create any gay rights activists, but at least they know if I hear them call anyone a homo they're going to catch serious hell....

Let the Shanking Begin

So much for having a relaxing day.

A bolt of lightning struck the transformer, leaving our school in darkness for a couple hours today. After school there was an emergency meeting. I could not make it as I was in the middle of enjoying peace and quiet... but I did have to go all the way back to school to call all of the parents of my kids to tell them

hey

we'll probably have electricity tomorrow
but even if we dont were having school
but it might get hot
and kids might have to be moved to other classrooms
so if you dont feel like sending your kid to school,
you get to decide whats in tehir best e\\interest
but werestillgonna(have)SCgHaskdjfhOOjfhgfLkdgjnmv



ARGHHH!!!!


I got in my classroom to make these stupid calls, and find the kids had trashed it.


I am going to shank someone.

Smell Beyond the Cherry

Well, I wanted to throw in the towel today.
It is that time of year... the honeymoon period is over, the kids are starting to get lazy and apathetic. They are excessively rude to each other, and they're starting to show up drunk to school just to puke all over my room.


WHAT?

Yes.

Let's start at the beginning.

Last Friday, my darling little Napoleon barfed up bright red cherry and SOMETHING all over my table, his test, and the floor. Now, I could easily make the joke that my test makes him want to hurl chunks, but NO....he got a new test and completed the whole thing no problem.

Why do I think he was drunk? Because he was acting weird and out of it beforehand, was grinning after he did it, seemed MORE ALERT and awake after AND.... and here's the most telling part, he CLEANED IT ALL UP. He refused to a) let maintenance do it (they still came later and disinfected everything) AND b) wouldn't let me get anywhere near his neon spew. I think he knew I would be able to smell beyond the cherry.

This has become a new trend at our school. Not much longer than a week ago, one of the pretty popular 8th grade girls was upset upon being caught drunk at school because well, "I only had ONE Bud Light before school!!!"

Are you kidding me?

Apparently their new things is to get their parents to buy them those alcoholic energy drinks. They come in big, Monster-like cans and since their parents don't speak or read English.... they don't know when their kids are drinking right in front of them.

ARGH!!!!

On top of this, last week I found out that a few of my favorite, favorite, favorite kids have basically dropped out of high school because they're addicted to drugs. Probably meth. They won't tell me, but I know its easy to get and meth causes one to lose weight quickly, which is exactly what happened to one of them.

So. Monday rolls around. I am already frustrated, emotional, tired, worn out, and cranky.... (lets not even get into what grad school is putting me through)
....
I go back to my classroom and realize that my SMARTBOARD still IS NOT WORKING. I try to put in another tech request (and this is ironic-- the home page talks about how its "world class IT") and as I am hitting "ENTER" it says HAHAHAH YOU HAVE NO INTERNET.

I try again.
It laughs at me.
It is the damn clown at mini golf.

So, annoyed, I look through my text books and discover there's NOTHING IN THEM THATS USEFUL (big surprise) and that I have NO EQUIPMENT WITH WHICH TO DO A LAB (another big surprise).....So, I dig through my curriculum binders and find something I'd made for last year's kids and think AHA! THIS WILL WORK!

But of course, my plans are thwarted.

All 3 of the copy machines will not work.

I spend 40 minutes of my life screwing with them, down on my hands and knees, covered in toner, grunting like some territorial baboon..... The paper will go through, and only peals of hideous laughter would come out. Ha, ha, Miss J! NO COPIES FOR YOU.


I finally figure something out, moments before I have to pick up my kids, when my homeroom does NOT make my day better. I had given the kids FOREVER to do some work in class (a mitosis project) and in the majority of my classes they DID NOT DO THE WORK THAT WAS DUE TODAY. THREE kids did the work. THREE!! ARGHHHHH!!

AND THEN ONE OF MY BOYS PANTS'D ANOTHER IN ART CLASS AND THE BOY WENT HOME CRYING.


ARGJHHHHHHFKSHDFKLSDJFKSDHFKDSJH!!

In all of my classes for the rest of the day, its the same. The kids are not doing their work. I am furious. I do not yell, I do not scream, but inside my head I am thinking:

I AM NOT DOING AWESOMELY COOL DNA EXTRACTION LABS WITH JERKY LAZY PEOPLE! I AM NOT WRITING YOU STORIES AND SONG PARODIES AND COMING UP WITH NEW DANCES FOR YOU!!! I AM NOT SPENDING HOURS AND HOURS FINDING COOL VIDEO CLIPS AND ANIMATIONS!

You so do not deserve the awesomeness that is me.

So, tomorrow, so that I do not SHANK ANY OF MY CHILDREN...

I am taking the day off.

Vanilla Shake....

Well, it's getting earlier each year.

Today, one of my 8th grade boys told me I should enter a booty shaking contest.

Sweet lord. How I miss the days where they waited until at least DECEMBER to sexually harass me.....

Website is Up!

Booyah!

After a year of working on it, my website is finally up and running!

There are still a few pages that are in progress, but the brunt is up!

You can check it out by clicking here.

Many thanks to Rob Lane and his friend Christina who helped me get it working!

Dear Arizona

Dear Arizona,
You are not cool. I am not only referring to the 120 degree heat index which led to me keeping my kids in from recess, leaving me with approximately a 10 minute lunch break.

I am not only referring to your politics, which have caused many of my favorite students to move back to Mexico, or to California or New Mexico out of fear of your racist ass.

I am also referring to the fact that two weeks after you infested by bed with FIRE ANTS,(leaving me with giant welts all over my lower quadrants) you felt it necessary to put a scorpion on my comforter. Not cool, Arizona. Not cool.

You need to learn how to make better choices, or we are going to have a serious throw down.

Love,
Miss J

Isn't Education Great?

This post is to remind me that I need to post about Iraq, Jihad, Murder and Suicide.

And no, its not what you think.

Unless you're Mr. Faulkawitz.

More Visitors!

Today should have been gawd awful, but before AND after out team meeting, I saw a TON of my former kids!

Before: Raul (who once drew a unibrow on his face in 6th grade), Yamaha (who delightfully gave me shit every morning last year) Castro (my "son").

After: Adonis (one of the smartest kids I've ever had), Rosalie (she is my younger, Hispanic twin-- we love all the same books, and have the same sense of humor) the Torres Brothers (one of which is my "Nephew.") and Angel (the one who fell on his face out of the blue last year.)

How can I ever leave this community?