Plate Tectonics: Love Lost and Found

Well, the last rap was too high brow for my kids, so I decided to write something else that would be more at their level. But, what, exactly, is on the minds of 6th graders?

According to one note: "Hey, let's both get bathroom passes, then hang out till we meet some hot girls and ask them out."


Yep. Sounds about right.


Anyhow, since love seems to be the topic at hand, what better way to describe the movement of plate tectonics? Converging plates? Diverging plates? Laterally moving plates? Sounds JUST like young relationships to ME!

Now, to find the voice of an 11 year old..... Thinking insipid... thinking... horrible rhyming schemes.... GOT IT!


She:

Converging we come together
Earth is changing course forever
Mountains forming and I wonder
If this is love, then I hope it never

Fades from sight like silken rainbows
I see him, boom, boom my heart goes
A tingle sent straight down to my toes
Friends are all raising their eyebrows

So, throw me down to a volcano
Pele waits for me far below
Converging, always with me in tow
We’ll be together always I know.

He:

Ever since the day we met I’m
Breaking out into a cold sweat
Never having a peaceful moment
Always together, she’s never silent.

Love, love, love, its all that I hear
Sweet nothings whispered in my ear
Can’t wait to get her out of here
Go out with my boys when it’s clear

Let me divulge the divergent
Thoughts that I think and sentiment
Like the sea floor spreading sediment
She’s gotta go this very moment.

They:

Earthquake sliding them apart
Two different minds, one broken heart
What was so sweet is now so tart
A painted over piece of art

They see each other from a distance
She wonders if he ever misses
Her, he doesn’t need a missus
‘Fore he gets his driver’s license

Walk quickly avoiding glances
Always on these lateral dances
New girl on his arm, and she prances
On and on, so many new romances.


We'll try it out tomorrow.

Ahh, the Smell of Prepubescent Love

Teeny, tiny, 6th grade boy: "What's your boyfriend do, Miss J?"
Me:"He's an artist."
Boy: "Yeah? You should have him come here one time, and when he does, I'll beat him up and take you for my own!"
Boys in group: Erupt with frantic, red-faced laughter.

Oh, dear sweet violets.


Taken from one journal entry.

"Miss J, you are the best. I wish I could see you every day. Even on Saturday and Sundays. Those days are sad without you."


From another journal entry.

"Well, Miss J. You don't totally suck."


Ahh, young love.

On the Dot

I usually hate these stupid things, but they were so darn accurate...

You're Anne of Green Gables!

by L.M. Montgomery

Bright, chipper, vivid, but with the emotional fortitude of cottage
cheese, you make quite an impression on everyone you meet. You're impulsive, rash,
honest, and probably don't have a great relationship with your parents. People hurt
your feelings constantly, but your brazen honestly doesn't exactly treat others with
kid gloves. Ultimately, though, you win the hearts and minds of everyone that matters.
You spell your name with an E and you want everyone to know about it.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

You're a Gorilla!

Highly social and group-oriented, you like hanging out with the same
people constantly. Sleep is a big part of your daily
routine and you like to either make very loud noise or no noise at all. You have
more skills with language than most, however. One of your absolute favorite drinks
is hot cocoa.


Take the Animal Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

You're Madagascar!

Lots of people don't really know anything about you, making you
buried treasure of the rarest kind. You love nature, and could get lost in it
whenever possible. You're remote and exotic, and the few people who know you
value whatever they share with you a great deal. For some reason, you really
like the word "lemur".


Take the Country Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid

An Actual Conversation with a Parent on the First Day

"Good morning! Can I help you?"

"Yes. We are looking for the teacher."

"In 615? That's me. I'm Miss J. Welcome!"

"What? Oh no, sweetie! I thought you were the student helper! You can't be more than 17!"

"Ha. No, I'm 24. Not even my first year of teaching. Your son is in good hands, I promise."

"I thought you were an eighth grader!"

"Well, I'll be very happy to hear that again when I'm 40."

"Well, dear, if you're sure..."

Sigh.

I miss my class from last year.

Even the kids that made me crazy.

Why? My new homeroom... is sadly without personality. Most of the girls are sweet, but without any moxie. The rest are just flirtatious but without any creativity. I have no faux nephews or Professors. I also have no glinting eyed mischevious instigators. Just... a group of weirdos that whisper to each other but don't participate. What IS that?!

Luckily, my second class is full of energy and craziness. They come in shouting raucous greetings but INSTANTLY settle down when I need them to. They participate and ask good questions and MOST of them actually do their homework. AMAZING! With the exception of a couple of girls that seem to have their Bitch Highlighters on... they're fabulous. I miss them when they leave.

A handful of my old students visit me... but a couple of my favorites don't! Its heartbreaking. Sigh. I feel like a mom whose kids went off to school. Only, I'm still at school with them.

The Water Cycle, Yo.

Kids don't get as much poetry as they should. Also, they think they don't like poetry. BUT, they like rap.

So, to build their vocabularies, and to enhance their poetry analyzing skillz (yes, with a z), I used a water cycle "rap" to knock their socks off. You ready for this?

Ah-hem.

Precipitation births every nation
Warm, wet rain without consternation
Flora and fauna, bursting with elation
While the people rain dance
Below the constellations

Wishing for a desert aberration
For sleet, snow, hail there’s no occupation
See the rain come down like liquid lamination
While the cacti expand in slow animation

Heat beats down and evaporation
Turns wetness to a vapory creation
Till the cool clouds come and
End their vacations
Creating dew & droplet unification

Condensation in isolation
Where the heat meets cold in great determination
Think of it as steam simplification
Yeah, the mist clumps up in great harmonization

Precipitation, cloud perforation
Water falls fast without coordination
And it all cycles on without discrimination
To the water cycle, I make this dedication.

Kids were pounding out beats on their desks and cracking up at this white girl from the midwest rhyming fast and furious. One kid actually shouted out "Daaaaaaaamn, Miss J!"
That's RIGHT.

Of course, another had to pipe in "Rap artists don't use such big words." YEAH WELL, they do if they're INTELLIGENT. Shoot. Now I have to go find some intelligent hip hop to prove them wrong....

Later, as I read some of my kids water cycle booklets, I saw one kid had written condensation as "condomsation". Well, just can't beat that, can ya?

P.p.s. Freedom Writers

Last thing, I swear.

Yesterday, Erin Gruwell (sp?), the teacher behind the Freedom Writer's fame, came to speak to our entire district! Woah! How crazy is that?

She was totally inspiring and a surprisingly hilarious speaker. I sat there thinking.... I could do what she did. I could do something incredible and have my story made into books and movies.

Now I just have to figure out what that thing IS.

Any ideas?

P.s.

Also, I don't know if I mentioned... but for the 200 multiple choice questions I had to answer for my Arizona State testing....

I got a perfect score.

BOOYAH!

I think even Yoda would be proud.

Mucho Dinero

For the last three days, I've been attending meetings, setting up my classroom, and going insane. School starts... MONDAY!
The upside? My classroom looks fricken gorgeous. Pictures will soon follow, I promise.

The other good news? I'm 98% sure I'm going to be the sole team leader next year. That means... MORE MONEY! (And...more responsibility... but how great is it that I can put that on my resume already?)

Also, I'm on the school improvement/leadership team. That means.... MORE MONEY!

AND, I'm running student council (which, ironically, I know nothing about. But it is better than running *cough* cheerleading) with a totally sweet 8th grade teacher (and by "sweet" I mean "cute" and "male"). And you know what that means....

MORE MONEY! (You better not be thinking anything pervy either.)

And lastly, while not related to monies... I get to teach SCIENCE, MATH and HISTORY!

Heck yes!

It is going to be a kick-ass year.

Next Year

Next year...

I'll be teaching the following:

1. Language! -- a scripted, phonics-based program
2. Language Arts -- using reading strategies, writing
3. Ancient History

The good things: Only 2 lessons to plan each day! 60 kids a day instead of 30-- so if a kid makes me bonkers, I don't have to deal with him/her all day long. Less stress. More time for after school clubs. Team teaching means more collaboration.

The bad things: Only 2 lessons a day! Repetitive lessons can get boring. I'll miss teaching science and math. 60 kids now rely on me to teach them how to read. EEK!


Also, fantastically, I've been chosen to be part of the leadership team, to lead our 6th grade team, and to start the drama club.

Booyah!

I'm so glad not to have 1st year status anymore.

New Pet

Yesterday, I acquired a new pet. And then I killed it.

Say what?!

Let me explain.

I walked into my bedroom just in time to see a creature scampering across my carpet.
Well, let's be honest.
It wasn't scampering. It was scurrying. I had flipped on the light and it wasn't happy about it. It twitched its little antennae. And then fled behind my shoe rack.

A ROACH!!! I was horrified. I whipped out a Shaniqua-like voice and said
"Oh hell no! Not in MY house!"

Snap, snap, snap.

I sprayed the repugnant demon with Windex, then my magnificent cat cornered him for me and pawed him into submission. Then, I scooped up the horrific little bastard into a yogurt cup and maniacally laughed as he swirled down my toilet bowl. I imagined his tiny, crackly, roach-voice screaming. Which made me feel better because my internal, crackly, girl-voice had been screaming moments earlier.

Now don't get me wrong, I love creatures. Snakes are fabulous, slimy worms are fun. I'm okay with spiders. Mosquitoes are annoying, but I can deal with them. Ants-- a minor irritant. Scorpions are kind of terrifying, but fascinating. But roaches?! To the toilet!

I don't care if they're Miracles of Evolution (is that an oxymoron?). If Mr. Roach comes into my house, and he's history.

Ancient history.
Atlantis's history.
Down into the water you go.

What I learned at my teaching conference...

So, after attending a teaching convention for five days I learned a lot of things.

1. You've got to feel psychologically safe before you can participate in group work.
2. Most people look at data the wrong way, and thus, feel judged by it.
3. A room full of teachers and administrators is both a wonderous and terrifying place.
4. Teachers really do have the best stories.

Such as....

Earlier this year, a bunch of 5th grade boys on my campus found a bag.
Filled with sex toys.
Used sex toys.
And the receipt was still in the bag.

Can't beat that, can you?


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Wonderful Things #1

Wonderful things about living in Arizona:

1. You get to live in 100+ degree heat. Today, I was lucky. Today, I experienced 106 degree weather. I say "weather" because its the only thing that changes from day to day. Tomorrow, its likely to be 108. Then later, 110. Sunny. No clouds. No humidity. Just varying degrees of eyeball- scorching heat. What's sad is that I can tell when its above 110. Then, its truly miserable.

Thermometers here should read:
Warm.
Warmer.
Surprisingly, yet Comfortably, Hot.
Eyebrow-Raising Hot.
Can't Walk on Concrete without Burning your Feet Hot.
Don't Bother Driving-- your Car is an Oven, Hot.
Don't Bother Leaving your Apartment at all Hot.
Eyebrow-Burning Hot.
Tears Evaporate Hot.
Magma Evaporates Hot.
Depths of Hell Hot.

At least they have named places down here accordingly.
Tempe. That's an easy one. Tempe is just a shortened form for TEMPERATURE. As in, you'll feel like you've got one as soon as you enter the city. No, sir. That's not a bbq. That's your own skin you smell burning. And I'll bet you taste just like chicken... or maybe not a chicken... maybe a.....

Phoenix. What is a phoenix, you ask? Why, its a bird rising from the ashes after it had BURST INTO FLAME. Mmm. Delicous.

Peoria. Now, here's a toughie. Luckily, I've got insider eyes. Originally, settlers came from Peoria, IL and settled in the NW Phoenix area. Like those settlers, I too migrated from Peoria. So, I can guess as to their motivations-- Peoria, IL is a hellhole. Those poor bastards trekked 1,700 miles and, I'm guessing, stopped when they were struck by beauty. Both Peorias are pretty-- no argument there.
However pretty, both have their own distinct dangers. In IL? A symphony of sirens and gunshots. Here you've got the scorching sun, stabbing cacti instead of trees, post-apocalyptic rubble instead of grass, snipers and car thieves a plenty.

Famous last words? "But, it is a DRY heat, honey!"



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Brainsnot

Well, my brain has officially turned into snot. I think the Egyptians were right in their theory... mine could easily be taken out with a hook and thrown away.

Today, I spent roughly 7 hours trying to prove to the state that I'm not completely incompetent. Two tests, professional aptitude and content. Six pages of essay, two hundred extremely wordy multiple choice questions later... and my brain is mush. After a while, the words were starting to swim in front of my eyes. Sweet little backstrokes.

I had forgotten how wretched standardized testing is, and how easy it is to feel like "screw it, I'm tired, I don't care anymore!" Hopefully I'll remember this next year, and can help my poor students better when they have to run the gamut.

In a couple weeks, I'll let you know if I passed. Now, its time to pass out. Sayonara, folks!

Final Bell

The bell rang today.

And my kids all stood still, turned to statues by the sound that usually sent them scurrying to their seats. They stood still. Then, some of them started to cry. And then, they all began to hug each other.

They wouldn't leave. My divas, my trouble-makers, my clowns all coagulating in the middle of my room.

Some days are exhausting, but I love my kids and my job. I am so proud of everything they've learned. The worst part, by far, is seeing them walk out my door.