Today's Conversations and Quotes

"Miss J! I'm your nephew."
"Really? You're my sister's son?"
"Yes. What's her name?"
"...Katelyn."
"No, it's not. It's MOM. Sheesh."


Boy: My brain is missing!!
Miss J: Did you have a lobotomy?
Boy: A what?
Miss J: Did you have part of your brain surgically removed?
Boy: Yeah!
Girl: (nonchalantly) They replaced it with a plastic car.





"There will be no pooping on my floor!"



"What do poor people do for fun?"
"They collect onions."
"No they don't! They hang out outside of Home Depot!"


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Potty Mouth

Lately, we've been discussing my favorite repulsive and or dangerous animals. Take sea cucumbers, for instance-- they're covered in poisonous mucus and shoot out their internal organs at predators, then regrow them. And naked mole rats-- made cute by Disney's KimPossible, but possibly one of the ugliest creatures on earth. And, of course, jellyfish....

Now, I'm sure all of you know what to do if you're stung by a jellyfish. That is, if you are far from help and all by yourself. In order to neutralize the stinging sensation.... you gotta pee where it's stinging! HA!

So, I had to tell my kids this... cuz it gets them every time. I enjoy the gross-out factor, I'll be honest. But I failed to consider this particular group of kids. They too, seem to enjoy the gross out factor.

Says one student* with huge, startled eyes "OH my GOD Miss J!!! What do you do if it stings you in your MOUTH?!"




. . .




*Note: this is the same student who informed me that he couldn't do his homework because his brother's privates had been chopped off.

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Steps to Destress

I am getting burnt out. I can feel it. So, for those of you out there who can also feel the burn, may I suggest a remedy?

Step 1: Take off your shoes.
Step 2: Ignore the work you have to do.
Step 3: Find yourself a playful orange cat.
Step 4: Pet orange cat's tummy.
Step 5: Smile.
Step 6: Repeat steps 4 & 5 infinitely.


Works every time.

Mustached Man and Suuuuuuper Frog!

Remember the student from student teaching who wrote all of the Fredrick the Wolf stories? Well, this is the Arizona equivalent. Let's just call him Emilio.

Emilio is a very creative writer, aspires to be an animator... and likes to blame things on his Evil Twin. Let's call him Mortimer. Mortimer sneaks up on poor, unsuspecting Emilio, and does all sorts of naughty things before disappearing back into Emilio's shadow.

Emilio is very quiet in class-- I never have to reprimand him for talking, wasting time, not following directions, flinging rubber bands in other people's eyes, punching others, putting white out all over everything, stealing my school supplies.... and so on. As soon as there is group work to be done, or free time though... watch out! The mischeif starts, and his mouth doesn't close. Typical Mortimer-- the boy sounds like an auctioneer on speed.

Now, clearly, Emilio doesn't have a mustache to twirl or an eyepatch. I drew those on. Not, in this case, to preserve his identity.... but because half way through class yesterday, he smacked both of these items on his face.


Evil twin, you know.

Mortimer dances with my skeleton. He tells grand sweeping stories of alien invasion. He teams up with Superfrog and defeats the deadly Chameleon! He's a charmer, a bandit, a sneak.

And of course, my favorite pupil.


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Makin' the Big Monies

So, on one of my official school papers, it says that I make $19.95 an hour.

HAhaHAHaHhaAHA HaAH HA haa HA!! *cough hack hairball*

I think I just ruptured something.

$19.95 an hour my hopelessly perky butt. When you count just the hours I spend AT SCHOOL working, and total it up, after taxes I make.... .....

You sitting down?....



No, really.




I'm not playing around here.



Oh, no. You're not giving me THAT look. That's detention for YOU mister.
Ah-hem.

...sorry. Got caught up there for a moment.



Anyhow. My grand total, per hour, only counting time in which I am in school.......


$7.50.


Absolutely no exaggeration.

According to one of my kids "You could make more per hour workin' at Sonic, Miss J!"

Woo hoo!!


Okay. It is now time for me to pass out. It's been another disgustingly long day, and I am deader than a vulture-picked corpse. Hope y'all are doin' well.


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