Originally, my classroom was populated by Joses, Juans, Guadalupes and Carloses. By this time in the year, however, half of them have nicknames. Among them:
Giggles
Shortcut
Cindy Lou
Daisy May
Frenchie
Grama....
Wisely Edgar, my favorite punkass, said today:
"I can tell if you're in a good mood or not."
"Yeah, Cindy Lou? How's that?"
"When you're in a good mood and aren't pissed at us, you call us by our real names. When you're really mad, you call us by our last names. Like "Mr. Gonzales". Then we know to watch out. Today, you're in a good mood."
Indeed.
Friday, September 28, 2007
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Miss J, 234. Edgar, 0.
Background info:
In my classroom, I allow the students to use the word "crap." They cannot say "this assignment is crap" or "Miss J is a piece of crap," but they can use it as an expletive instead of the more vulgar varieties.
To be more honest, I let them use it because I use the word frequenty. Why? Crap is the perfect word to describe the quality of the mad scribblings I receive. Their assignments may not be crap... but the homework sure is.
Now, to get on to the real story.
My student Edgar and I battle verbally every day. He thinks he's going to outwit me, and gets thrown to the curb every time. Yet, I gotta give the kid credit. He's quite resilient. Plus, its just great to have a kid I can mess with. I don't have to worry about being sensitive or hurting his feelings-- we both know its just for fun. One of today's highlights:
This afternoon, Edgar was walking around with his shirt untucked. Imagine that.
So, I said "Edgar. Your shirt... looks like crap."
Edgar looked back at me with a sneer. "I thought crap was brown."
I let my gaze meet his eyes, and stared him down for a minute.
"Well, I guess your face looks like crap then."
OOOH DAAAAAAAAAAANG SHE GOT YOU!
His friends whooped and hollered. Edgar shook his head and tried to hide his laughter. I high fived one of my girls. Miss J 234, Edgar 0.
In my classroom, I allow the students to use the word "crap." They cannot say "this assignment is crap" or "Miss J is a piece of crap," but they can use it as an expletive instead of the more vulgar varieties.
To be more honest, I let them use it because I use the word frequenty. Why? Crap is the perfect word to describe the quality of the mad scribblings I receive. Their assignments may not be crap... but the homework sure is.
Now, to get on to the real story.
My student Edgar and I battle verbally every day. He thinks he's going to outwit me, and gets thrown to the curb every time. Yet, I gotta give the kid credit. He's quite resilient. Plus, its just great to have a kid I can mess with. I don't have to worry about being sensitive or hurting his feelings-- we both know its just for fun. One of today's highlights:
This afternoon, Edgar was walking around with his shirt untucked. Imagine that.
So, I said "Edgar. Your shirt... looks like crap."
Edgar looked back at me with a sneer. "I thought crap was brown."
I let my gaze meet his eyes, and stared him down for a minute.
"Well, I guess your face looks like crap then."
OOOH DAAAAAAAAAAANG SHE GOT YOU!
His friends whooped and hollered. Edgar shook his head and tried to hide his laughter. I high fived one of my girls. Miss J 234, Edgar 0.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
The Preposterous 3 P's
What a week! Not only did I have to have my pustulating (I'm going to go ahead and call that a real word) toe butchered by a sweet Indian doctor, but I've had to deal with three enormous pains in the neck. Drum roll please... Introducing the 3 P's!
(To shield their identities, I'm using only the first letter of each lovely darling's name. )
P3
J, my eternal shrugger (Doesn't know the answer. Sticks out his fat bottom lip. Shrugs his shoulders. Smirks. Rinse, and repeat.) decided today that it would be a really fantastic idea to wallop a kid right in the face! At lunch! The brilliance!
Now, granted, the punch-ee probably deserved it. He'd been verbally harassing one of my sweet students earlier in the day, J caught wind, and stuck up for his friend. POW! Right in the kisser. Then, of course, he gets sent to the office.
"J, what happened?"
J's response? He doesn't know. Sticks out his fat bottom lip. Shrugs his shoulders. Smirks. And then gets 3 days of out of school suspension for being idiotic. This is after, of course, writing gang signs in the bathroom, attempting to feel up several of my girls in class, and turning in no homework so far this year. Bravo!
I give you P3: The Puncher.
P2....
Meanwhile, T is in the computer lab, bouncing around like a lab rat on a cocktail of cocaine and caffeine. Normal behavior for him-- running across the room with scizzors, screaming at the top of his lungs, thumping his head against the wall, making incredibly realistic fart noises etc. The kid is a GRAND MASTER at the art of being truly obnoxious.
Today, he decided to go for the category of "Shock and Awe." So, instead of being his usual annoying self (though, to be fair, the kid is totally brilliant, so I can't hate on him too much), he decided to go on the internet during his math class, sneak past all of the various protectors and find some PORN!
Which he then showed to the entire class. Before his teacher found out (luckily, I was not his teacher during this subject, or he would have been killed and eaten by the school's pet jaguar.).
The best part? The porn was decidedly man on man. Great job! Nothing like some good old fashioned gay porn to make one's day brighter!
T then spent the rest of the day in the office pestering the amazing secretaries. No word as of yet if he is going to serve any sort of punishment. Even though it was obvious that he was the mastermind behind the scheme, he had somehow signed on under someone elses name... and so, they can't "prove" it was him. Genius.
So, introducing P2 in the far left corner..... The Pornographer!
AND..... Entering the arena for the very first time.... P1!
15 minutes before detention ended, R and half of the detainees decided to give my friend and fellow teacher, Ms. K, a run for her money. "We have to go to the bathroom," they whined. She rolled her eyes. Think they can leave detention early? Think again. She told them they could wait the 15 minutes.
R decided this wasn't fair. He wasn't going to sit around and wait. It was whack that he was in detention ANYWAY. So, with the cheering of the 14 others....
R walked to the back of the room, and peed all over Ms. K's floor.
I shit you not. Pee the floor he did. To the joy of the class, who applauded madly, and the total horror of Ms. K.
I give you contender #1-- The Pisser.
(To shield their identities, I'm using only the first letter of each lovely darling's name. )
P3
J, my eternal shrugger (Doesn't know the answer. Sticks out his fat bottom lip. Shrugs his shoulders. Smirks. Rinse, and repeat.) decided today that it would be a really fantastic idea to wallop a kid right in the face! At lunch! The brilliance!
Now, granted, the punch-ee probably deserved it. He'd been verbally harassing one of my sweet students earlier in the day, J caught wind, and stuck up for his friend. POW! Right in the kisser. Then, of course, he gets sent to the office.
"J, what happened?"
J's response? He doesn't know. Sticks out his fat bottom lip. Shrugs his shoulders. Smirks. And then gets 3 days of out of school suspension for being idiotic. This is after, of course, writing gang signs in the bathroom, attempting to feel up several of my girls in class, and turning in no homework so far this year. Bravo!
I give you P3: The Puncher.
P2....
Meanwhile, T is in the computer lab, bouncing around like a lab rat on a cocktail of cocaine and caffeine. Normal behavior for him-- running across the room with scizzors, screaming at the top of his lungs, thumping his head against the wall, making incredibly realistic fart noises etc. The kid is a GRAND MASTER at the art of being truly obnoxious.
Today, he decided to go for the category of "Shock and Awe." So, instead of being his usual annoying self (though, to be fair, the kid is totally brilliant, so I can't hate on him too much), he decided to go on the internet during his math class, sneak past all of the various protectors and find some PORN!
Which he then showed to the entire class. Before his teacher found out (luckily, I was not his teacher during this subject, or he would have been killed and eaten by the school's pet jaguar.).
The best part? The porn was decidedly man on man. Great job! Nothing like some good old fashioned gay porn to make one's day brighter!
T then spent the rest of the day in the office pestering the amazing secretaries. No word as of yet if he is going to serve any sort of punishment. Even though it was obvious that he was the mastermind behind the scheme, he had somehow signed on under someone elses name... and so, they can't "prove" it was him. Genius.
So, introducing P2 in the far left corner..... The Pornographer!
AND..... Entering the arena for the very first time.... P1!
15 minutes before detention ended, R and half of the detainees decided to give my friend and fellow teacher, Ms. K, a run for her money. "We have to go to the bathroom," they whined. She rolled her eyes. Think they can leave detention early? Think again. She told them they could wait the 15 minutes.
R decided this wasn't fair. He wasn't going to sit around and wait. It was whack that he was in detention ANYWAY. So, with the cheering of the 14 others....
R walked to the back of the room, and peed all over Ms. K's floor.
I shit you not. Pee the floor he did. To the joy of the class, who applauded madly, and the total horror of Ms. K.
I give you contender #1-- The Pisser.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Stressed.
Glaze is better on ham than faces.
Yet, that's what I see... each morning. Glazed expressions. They're giving me nothing to work with. I don't know how to teach these kids math! I've done manipulatives, we've drawn and colored and explained and I've guided-guided-guided...and yet.... they still have no freaking clue what I'm talking about. 6 weeks later.
Is there something wrong with me? What can I do better?
Help! Help! Help!
Yet, that's what I see... each morning. Glazed expressions. They're giving me nothing to work with. I don't know how to teach these kids math! I've done manipulatives, we've drawn and colored and explained and I've guided-guided-guided...and yet.... they still have no freaking clue what I'm talking about. 6 weeks later.
Is there something wrong with me? What can I do better?
Help! Help! Help!
Saturday, September 08, 2007
Math can be, on occasion, hilarious.
Write them in!
Devin goes online and buys 2 movie tickets so he can take out this really cute 7th grader he saw in Miss J’s class. Each movie ticket costs $5.75. Then, he buys her a bouquet of roses costing $29.90 and two fancy shirts with puffed sleeves, each priced at $20.25. How much does Devin spend before going on his big date?
UPDATE: As we were reading this story problem (written after Devin had, indeed, been checking out a 7th grader who came to visit me and I called him on it), the 7th grade girl came in again and the whole class EXPLODED! Poor Devin just sat there, holding his face in his hands, but underneath, I could see an enormous grin. Unfortunately, Devin's not the only one with 7th grade girl aspirations....
Edgar ditches class and asks out a totally smokin’ 7th grade girl. She says she’ll only go out with him if he’ll buy her two tickets to see her favorite rap artist (Miss J, of course). Each ticket costs $18.50. She also wants three sparkly bracelets that each cost $23.25 and for him to get a haircut, which will cost $4.25.
If Edgar decides she’s worth it, how much will the girl cost him total?
If Edgar purchases everything at one store that has a 35% off sale, how much will he spend
With that amount, how much will the 35% off save him?
After the coupon, if that store has an 8% tax, what will his total be
UPDATE: This problem was given on a Thursday. Monday, Edgar came in... with a haircut. Thoughts, anybody?
4. Aaron is smart and knows that all the fabulous girls prefer brains to brawn, so he goes to the bookstore and buys seven books for $3.25 each. After reading them, he is even smarter and now can rely on his intelligence instead of his strength to try and impress other dude’s girlfriends. How much does Aaron spend?
UPDATE: Aaron apologized for threatening to beat up my man and taking me as his own. Good God.
Where's my Golden Lasso?
Is it a compliment that I ended up with the lowest of the low this year? I'm going to say "yes, yes it is." Because if not, I'm going to end up persuading myself that the principal hates my guts.
Demographics of my group:
18 ELL (English Language Learners) including....
4 monolingual
5 special ed, 2 tatted as possible SpEd candidates
Other classrooms include:
up to 6 ELL
up to 2 monolingual
1-2 special ed
AND to make matters even MORE fantastic... I am currently not allowed to tutor my kids after school. Isn't that great?! So, if I wanted to, I'd have to sneak them out Mission Impossible style armed with excuses as to why they are still at school ("I'm gonna tell her I just had really terrible diarrhea and was in the bathroom this long.") . I won't and I can't but... I wonder... what else is a girl to do?
Other than, of course, becoming Wonder Woman?
Demographics of my group:
18 ELL (English Language Learners) including....
4 monolingual
5 special ed, 2 tatted as possible SpEd candidates
Other classrooms include:
up to 6 ELL
up to 2 monolingual
1-2 special ed
AND to make matters even MORE fantastic... I am currently not allowed to tutor my kids after school. Isn't that great?! So, if I wanted to, I'd have to sneak them out Mission Impossible style armed with excuses as to why they are still at school ("I'm gonna tell her I just had really terrible diarrhea and was in the bathroom this long.") . I won't and I can't but... I wonder... what else is a girl to do?
Other than, of course, becoming Wonder Woman?
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