Not 40

I'm always trying to create analogies to connect sciencey-gobbledy-gook to the lives of my students-- something most of my teachers never did for me. I'm getting into the real basics of chemistry (as in serious basics... these kids don't even know what MATTER is. I say "What's matter?" and they say "Nothin, what's the matter with you?" ....No joke.)

I compared elements to the colors blue, yellow and red-- colors that make (nearly) all of the other colors. Pure substances. Etc. I also tried to compare the subatomic particles to their genes.

"Okay, so in each of your cells you have your DNA, which is what makes you.... YOU. I can't take one of Bayron's cells and get a piece of Daisy hair from it. No matter if you get fatter, skinnier, dye your hair blue, pierce your tongue twelve times, or start riding on a hippo to school... You're still you. Right?"

"Right."

"Okay. That's like a proton. The number of protons in an atom code for what kind of element it is, just like your DNA codes for you. So, there's gold, and carbon, and oxygen and krypton and all sorts of good stuff. Every time you've got 6 protons, it's gonna be carbon. Just like any cell I take from Pedro's gonna code for Pedro. Every time I've got 2 protons, it's gonna be helium. Got it?"

"Got it." (Good little drones.)

And then I say this...... to my rambunctious, sexually-charged, insane, wild, rowdy bunch.

"So, the variation in elements comes from the number of protons, but the specific number of protons will always make the same element. So, just like, again my DNA. It doesn't matter how I change as a person, I'm always gonna have the same DNA.

There's a five year old version of me... and a forty year old virgin of ......"

Silence.
Then? Insane, chimpanzee like laughter.

I smacked my forehead. "Oh crap."
The kids, crimson faced, laughed on.

"Dude, Miss J! You gotta get on that!!!"
"