Rant

I think the span from mid-October until Christmas break is the hardest time of the year-- its filled with so many breaks and so much excitement, that the kids don't want to do anything. Even the motivated ones. You find yourself reteaching, and turning into even more of an Evil Dictator (I cannot count the number of times I've heard "Miss J, you're MEAN!" Yeah, I know. Get over it.) so you can nip behavior in the bud before it gets even worse.

Now, its January, and though I should be well rested from two weeks of vacation, I'm worse off than before. I am completely, entirely exhausted.

To make matters worse, Monday when we walked in....there was no paper in the copy room. Those of us who were there early were scrambling. Wondering-- where the hell did all the paper go? There was a ton in here... wasn't there?

And then, an answer. But not via e-mail. Through the rumor mill. Someone had moved all the paper out. Boss's orders. We will be getting two boxes (16 measly reams) of paper. To last us for the rest of the year. But wasn't provided Monday morning for our usage. OR even today, Tuesday. There's been no official word on anything, as a matter of fact.

But, regardless of how many people this plan would throw off, there was no communication. No warning us. Or having any sort of conversation along the lines of "Hey guys, if we don't cut down on paper usage...this is what's going to happen". Then, you know, maybe "This will be going into effect on This Date, please send two kids down to get your paper."

But no. Nothing. So, all of us who didn't have copies made before break were out of luck. Read: all of us were out of luck. Mostly. There were a few scraps of pink paper I managed to snatch before anyone else got to them. A few teachers were early enough to finish the last bits of other colors. But mostly? We were out of luck. On a Monday morning. After break.

This is the sort of thing that infuriates me and makes me not want to teach here. Its the principal of the matter-- communicate before you make a decision. We don't even have to be in on the decision, but damn it, someone should at least tell us what's happening. Preferably before it happens.

This sort of crappy little thing happens all the time. A lot of it trickles down from the district level which is a total disaster. Nothing is efficient, nothing is orderly. My pay is hilarious. Yet, I easily spend 4 extra hours a night STILL making things for these kids. And they want to keep me. Because, despite how furious I feel sometimes, I'm a good teacher. And I like my kids. Everything I do is for my kids.

But for this? For the headaches and the stress and the feelings of inadequacy, and the lack of parental support, and the lack of materials, the lack of background knowledge of the kids, the lack of communication, the lack of schedules.... I don't think I can do this again.

At least, not here.

I'm starting to develop a bad attitude, and I don't want it.
I'm not the person to complain about things-- roll with the punches and do what you can's always been more of my motto.... but you know what, enough is enough.

I am a professional. I work so that I don't see the sun. I am completely invested in my kids. And I am treated with little regard. And that, my friends, makes me angry.