Did you know that I am totally obnoxious? It's true. This amazing observation was made by an 8th grade boy who's clearly an expert on the subject. Aside from being obnoxious, my other defining quality was that I "had big lips." Well, at least he got 1 outta 2 right.
Several of my lovely 6th grade girls ratted him out, but said they set him straight, telling him that I was awesome and that he should shut his mouth.
Of course, I was glad to have a phalanx of 6th grade girls on my side, but my own inner 6th grader wanted revenge. Kid talkin' smack about me, eh? To call me bitchy would have been disrespectful, but at least it would have been somewhat accurate. Obnoxious doesn't fit the bill at all. I had to set the record straight. It was time to go Judge Judy on his posterior.
The bell rang, and I walked my 6th graders out of the building. As we made our way down the stairs, one of my girls said "Miss J! There he is! The kid who said it!"
Ahh yes. Jake. Little semi-popular butterball who can't keep his mouth closed. Surrounded by a bunch of friends, trying to show off. Big stupid grin plastered to his face, like that kid in Matilda who eats the entire chocolate cake.
"Hey, Jake!" I called, raising my voice above the ruckus. His eyes met mine. He knew he was in for it. I could almost smell the fear. I continued, nonchalantly.
"Heard you said I was obnoxious but had big lips, so it was okay. That true?"
His face reddened, his friends cracked up.
"It's okay. I do have big lips. I've also got a big mouth. And good hearing. Might want to watch yourself from now on."
He just stared at me. Alien syllables dribbled from his lips.
"Awwww she BURNED you!" his friends howled.
I just smiled, turned, walked away. "Have a good night!"
Heh heh heh. Doesn't get any better than that.
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