Miss J; History Buff. Edgar: Not Buff at All

Oh yeah!

For the record, I passed the state's history exam. I got a perfect score on my essay (an examination of westward migration and its impact on natives, the land, and its ties to future events like the Dust Bowl), and am pretttttty sure I'm a supa genius. Just a rough estimation though. I might actually be just a genius. There's no way to tell for sure.

So now I am officially qualified to teach k-9 (That's kindergarten through ninth, not dogs. Though I'm sure dealing with German shepherds would be easier to deal with than horny 6th graders. With the dogs? You can take them to the vet's and have their bits snipped out so they stop humping things. Can't do that with kids. What a shame, no?) with specialties in language arts/reading, science AND history.

Who's awesome? Oh yeah. Me.

Who's NOT awesome? That'd be Edgar.
We were taking a test the other day and he was getting a litle squirrely. So I balled up a piece of paper and chucked it at his shoulder. His eyes got really wide, then really narrow. He grabbed the missile, feigned innocence, and flung it where I'd been standing only moments before. But, because he'd failed to look.... he didn't see that I'd moved completely around the corner. He missed me by a mile.

Quietly, I walked to the board and wrote "Edgar has no skills." Then I made two columns. "Times Edgar Got Me, Probably by Accident" and "Times Edgar Missed Completely and I Laughed at Him". I looked at him, and made a giant line under the second category, smirked and raised an eyebrow.

Now, about a third of the class was watching. Edgar flexed his non-existent muscles (pushing the bicep up from the other side) balled up another piece of paper, and with all his might.... FLUNG IT! It missed me by about 6 yards. Silently again, I pointed, pretended to laugh so hard I'd fall off my stool, and marked another tally in the column. No skills, no skills! I pointed to my own arm to mock his. My elderly grandmother's got more power than that! I mouthed.

At the end of the class period, all of my kids had finished their tests. All were watching silently, Edgar was throwing different pitches and I was red from holding back laughter.

Final score? Hits 7. Misses? 32. The bell rang. I circled the words "Edgar has no skills."
The kids lined up.

"Miss J? Can we do that again? Only can I throw next time?" Devin says.
"Sure, but you know I'm going to ridicule you and make fun of you every time you miss, right."
"Yeah."
"Game's on."

So next time, I'll have to let you know who wins. Miss J, the history buff, Edgar, who's not buff at all, or Devin. Stay tuned!