So, after being humiliatingly rejected and turned into a spurned lover (okay, that's all utter nonsense, but it sounds more dramatic, doesn't it?) I was convinced by several insanely-minded people to join one of those horrific dating websites.
I was sold once I realized that it would be perfect fodder for this blog. Meeting Copious Amounts of Horrendous Guys But Not Dating = impressive amounts of ridiculous stories. Meeting Seemingly Decent Guys and Dating = impressive amounts of ridiculous stories. Thus, the experiment begins.
First of all, let me just say... that I still consider myself the same awkward thing I was at age 12. The braces, glasses, skin issues, ears that stuck out like satellite dishes.... bad perm... not a pretty picture. So, even if I have pictures of myself I like, I still am That Girl. However, this apparently doesn't come across on the internet.
To try and show this nerdy, playful side, I started my profile off like this: "I spent my childhood in the Midwest, camping, climbing trees, making up dances, writing silly stories, exploring, checking out every book in the library, building ridiculous forts and singing Mariah Carey songs so loudly, my parents were sent into waves of convulsions."
I talked about being a science teacher, and briefly about my travels, of which there are more pictures of than myself. I talked about how its the little things that make a difference, like leaving sticky notes for the person to wake up to. And lastly, that I didn't need a man at all.
I thought, that ought to ward off the players and the.... okay. I'm an idiot. You know this. I am blissfully unaware of how I appear to the opposite sex, apparently.
The astounding statistics?
In 4 days.... I got 106 emails. I was "winked" at 75 times. Over 30 people favorited me and my profile has been visited a mortifying 1,041 times. Insane and unbelievable? Yes. Mind-boggling? Also yes. A little creepy and mystifying? Makes me want to get a doberman and post pictures of my grandmother instead? Yes and yes.
I will, when I have a bit more time, post some of the more horrific e-mails I've received, but this one, today, made me laugh out loud.
Backstory: This guy had written me a quick e-mail. I checked out his profile and saw that everything rhymed. So, in typical Miss J style.... I made fun of him. (Surprised?)
And this is what I received:
I got more rhymes than the other guys do, they're just the chimps I'm the whole damn zoo.
At 13 she was just a young buck building basement forts, dropping Carey's notes in her tacky jam shorts. Sticking bubble tape under the Mrs Butterworth's table all just to get back to her My Little Pony play stable.
He was just a young punk spitting rhymes like his favorite MC, Bust a Move was the note to be. Times have changed and so have we, Imogen Heap could never replace her old cds.
From the Midwest? I put this game to a three question test. I bet she's with the Barack party-a native of Illinois could you be? She didn't post any pics of an elephant nor did I see the kicking donkey, but if I had two more guesses I'd say she digs the Wisconsin brie. Or the L'Etoile du Nord state?
You mentioned China, but posted no pic of the Terra Cotta fighta. Maybe next time daddy will fly you on an Asian lina in hopes to sit in a dim sum dina.
You say your looking for a knight to hide some sticky love notes, but I'm looking for a lady to laugh at my lame Chappelle quotes. However, if we can joke about the withering sounds of Diane Rehm's voice, then I'll find time to boobie trap your favorite rainy-day coats.
Well Mrs. Freeman, you can Lean On Me a little more seeing a this took a sec to plop this together. F&%@ Bill Nye! Try Steve Spangler-he's quite the dry-ice wrangler.
HA!!! Oh, the laughter. How great. A dose of my own medicine. I am totally amused.
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