We were learning about the bones. I was in front of the class saying things like "put your phalanges on your clavicles and move your mandibles!," when Rico (real name not Rico, but he thinks he's reaaaal suave) said, glimmer in his eye...
"Miss J! Does a boy's private part have a bone in it?"
Oh hell.
"Nope!" I said and kept going. "Knock your patellas together! Roll your scapulas! Put your carpals on your cranium!"
"But, I saw in this movie, that this girl BROKE..."
"Go home and talk to your parents about it! Now bend your patellas to your sternum and place your metacarpals on your mandible!"
"But why else would they call it a bone--"
"What-two-bones-make-up-your-skull?" I interrupted.
"MANDIBLE AND CRANIUM," screamed the class.
Rico was quiet. Crisis averted.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
The Not so Good
Student #1:
Large, St. Bernard puppy of a student. Might have ADHD. Very intelligent, but also very disruptive. Suspended for nearly two weeks because he was fiendishly wielding a razor blade. Not the kind that you shave with, with the nice little plastic handle. Nope. Just the blade. 'Bout 3 inches long, 1 inch wide. Sharp and pointy and full of tetanus on all sides. Was reported to have calmly dragged it across several students' skins before anyone had to guts to tell me. Best friend of....
Student #2:
Incredibly intelligent. Incredibly charasmatic. Is speeding helter-skelter, ass-over-tea kettle to a life of desperation and depravity. Won't do his work. Doesn't care when he makes other kids cry. Says "I don't care if I end up in jail, long as I don't get raped." Makes "fortune tellers" whose fortunes include "ur a virgin," "ur gay," "ur gonna be a daddy soon," "ur hard," and "ur pregnant." Who likes to hang out with....
Student #3:
Also very intelligent. Problem? She's too comfortable with me. Was given a referral for grabbing my arm, and screaming "GET OVER HERE!" at me, instead of raising her hand and asking for help. Last week slapped a kid in the face as hard as she could, then got mad at ME when consequences were handed out.
All three have ENORMOUS potential. Great memories, great intelligence, great people skills. But they just don't seem to care if they end up with crappy lives. Even though they SEE it day to day, they still don't think it will happen to them. And you can tell them a thousand times that if they follow the same path they'll get to the same place, but it doesn't really matter.
Large, St. Bernard puppy of a student. Might have ADHD. Very intelligent, but also very disruptive. Suspended for nearly two weeks because he was fiendishly wielding a razor blade. Not the kind that you shave with, with the nice little plastic handle. Nope. Just the blade. 'Bout 3 inches long, 1 inch wide. Sharp and pointy and full of tetanus on all sides. Was reported to have calmly dragged it across several students' skins before anyone had to guts to tell me. Best friend of....
Student #2:
Incredibly intelligent. Incredibly charasmatic. Is speeding helter-skelter, ass-over-tea kettle to a life of desperation and depravity. Won't do his work. Doesn't care when he makes other kids cry. Says "I don't care if I end up in jail, long as I don't get raped." Makes "fortune tellers" whose fortunes include "ur a virgin," "ur gay," "ur gonna be a daddy soon," "ur hard," and "ur pregnant." Who likes to hang out with....
Student #3:
Also very intelligent. Problem? She's too comfortable with me. Was given a referral for grabbing my arm, and screaming "GET OVER HERE!" at me, instead of raising her hand and asking for help. Last week slapped a kid in the face as hard as she could, then got mad at ME when consequences were handed out.
All three have ENORMOUS potential. Great memories, great intelligence, great people skills. But they just don't seem to care if they end up with crappy lives. Even though they SEE it day to day, they still don't think it will happen to them. And you can tell them a thousand times that if they follow the same path they'll get to the same place, but it doesn't really matter.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
China in Less than 10 Minutes
My kids just took their final China exam, and BOY was I thrilled-- 12 got 100% or better! 9 had 75-94%. How awesome is that? I was very pleased. All but about 6 students can name 21 Asian countries. Can you? Check your skills at...
http://www.sheppardsoftware.com/Asian_Geography.htm
Click Level 1 and see how well you do. :)
Next week, we will (sans scripts) perform a play I wrote for them. Some of you expressed interest in reading it, so here it is! (Be warned... I have 6th grade humor...)
http://www.sheppardsoftware.com/Asian_Geography.htm
Click Level 1 and see how well you do. :)
Next week, we will (sans scripts) perform a play I wrote for them. Some of you expressed interest in reading it, so here it is! (Be warned... I have 6th grade humor...)
Part 1: Shang Dynasty
Narrator: Around 4,000 years ago, the Shang ruler had a problem. Would he get a date to the big dance?
Shang Leader: Oh no, oh no. Nobody will go out with me! What will I do?! ...I know! I’ll consult the Oracle! Oh Oracle! Oracle!!!!
Oracle: (exasperated) Now what?
Shang: Will you go with me to the dance?
Oracle: Not a chance.
Shang Leader: Well then… who will?
Oracle: (rolls eyes) Do you need me to consult the bones again?
Shang Leader: Yes!
Oracle: Call in the turtles! And the oxen! And the slaves!
Turtle, Oxen, Slaves: (walk in and are killed. Fall to the floor.)
Oracle: There. Now we can stab their bones with a metal prod and tell the future.
Turtle, Oxen, Slaves: This sucks.
Shang leader: Well, well?! What’s it say?
Oracle: (prodding turtle) It says…. That the only person who’d go with you... is your mother.
Shang: Awwwww!!! It’s got to say more than that!
Oracle: Acutally, it does. It also says that one day; people will grind up these bones and use them for medicine!
Shang: They’ll WHAT?!
Oracle: Yeah! They’ll think they’re from dragons. Isn’t that hilarious?
Slave: Yeah, almost as funny as Shang here dating his mother.
Shang: Why I oughta…
Slave: Hey, I’m already dead!
Oracle: Woah. You’re never going to believe this!
Shang: What else?!
Oracle: They also stick super thin needles into themselves for healing! They call it… acupuncture!
Shang: No way!
Oracle: They also turn their hilly farmlands into steps so there’s more room for the plants to grow.
Shang: Finally, a good idea!
Narrator: 4,000 years later, there were some seriously freaked out farmers.
Farmer: What the heck? Why is there a bone in my field of steps? Ah! Here’s another one! I know, they must be from DRAGONS! But look, there’s writing on them! … I didn’t know dragons could write!!! Woah!
Turtle: What an idiot.
Part 2: Qin Dynasty
Narrator: After the Shang Dynasty ended, a man named Qin Shi Huangdi took over.
Qin: I am Qin Shi Huangdi! And I am taking over!!!
Narrator: I just said that.
Qin: Oh. Well, I am taking over! All of
Narrator: Um… why would you do that?
Qin: No idea.
Narrator: Aren’t you forgetting something?
Qin: What’s that?
Narrator: You’re also going to be the first emperor of
Qin: Oh yeah! That’s true. I’m awesome. You know what else I’m going to do? I’m gonna kick Confucius out. That dude’s too peaceful. I don’t like him. (narrator leaves, scholar enters)
Scholar: Um, I don’t think that’s such a good idea.
Qin: No? You don’t? Are you disagreeing with me?
Scholar: Um… yeah?
Qin: I bury you alive! Die, scholar, die!
Scholar: AHHH! (dies) (doctor enters)
Doctor: Qin—you need to calm down. Here, take your medicine.
Qin: Much better. Now as I was saying, that Confucius has GOT to go. He keeps going on and on about education. Who wants to go to school? Pfft. (scholar 2 enters, doctor exits)
Scholar #2: Actually, I think that would be a great idea. See, look in this book of his. Its called the “Analects”
Qin: Let me see that. Ha! I take your book! And I burn it! Burn, book, burn!
Scholar #2: What did you do that for?!! You idiot!
Qin: What did you call me?! I am a genius! I bury you alive! Die, scholar, die!
Scholar #2: Ahhh! (dies) (enter doctor)
Doctor: Qin, you’re still not calm. Here, take some more medicine.
Qin: Oh, thank you. This stuff should make me live forever. Now where was I? (doctor exits, narrator enters)
Narrator: You forgot to mention your terracotta army.
Qin: Oh yes! Oh, Master Sculptor!
Sculptor: (enters with two totally still army men/sculptures) What?
Qin: You finish sculpting all 8,000 of my army men yet?
Sculptor: Yup! Just finishing the last two. There! Done! So, what museum are we going to put these in?
Qin: Museum! I’m going to bury them with me so they protect me!
Sculptor: What?! All of my hard work is going to be buried?! You must be insane!
Qin: What?! What did you just say! I bury you alive! Die, scholar, die!
Sculptor: I’m a sculptor. Not a scholar. (enter doctor)
Doctor: Oh, Qin, please. Take your medicine.
Qin: Oh, thank you. (enter slave)
Slave: Um, Emperor Qin, the first large section of you wall is done being built. Using pounded earth isn’t working very well. I think it’s going to erode away really quickly. Don’t you think rock would be better?
Qin: What do you know? You’re just a slave! Now….ACK!!! (Qin dies)
Slave: What were in those pills?
Doctor: Mercury. Guess it doesn’t make you live forever after all.
Part 3: Han Dynasty
Narrator: Not long after Qin died of mercury poisoning, his 17 children mysteriously died, and a new emperor came into power. His name was Gaozu.
Gaozu: (sitting peacefully in lotus position, humming) Ommmm. Ommmm.
Narrator: Uh, Gaozu. Aren’t you going to rule.
Gaozu: Oh, I am. I am going to rule peacefully, just as Confucius said. (goes back to humming)
Narrator: Confucius, did you say that?
Confucius: (proudly) Yeah, I did. I also said that you should treat other people as you would want to be treated. And I thought of the idea of filial piety, which means that children should respect their elders!
Narrator: (dripping with sarcasm) Yeah, yeah. You’re pretty special, aren’t you?
Confucious: Hey, aren’t you a woman?
Narrator: Um.. yeah.
Confucius: Then, what are you doing here! You should be at home, making dinner!
Narrator: What?! Excuse me?! That’s it. I quit!
Confucius: And you, Gaozu, you should be making schools. And getting an education!
Gaozu: (still humming with eyes closed) Hmmmm. Hmmmm. Hmmm.
Narrator: In a few decades, a new emperor came along. His name was Wudi.
Confucius: I thought you quit.
Narrator: Yeah well, someone has to do this job. Hey Wudi, don’t leave me alone with this guy!
Wudi: This guy? Confucius is the bomb, man! He’s got the knowledge to make us great.
Confucius: Yeah! See? Now, go make me a sandwich.
Narrator: What did you just say to me?! That’s it. I’m out of here. For real this time.
Wudi: (as she stomps off) Will you make me one too, please?
Narrator: (screams)
Wudi: Well, now that she’s gone.. I’ve got work to do. We’ve got to open up some schools, and see what the inventors are up to. Hey, Main Inventor! Come here!
Inventor: (bows deeply) Yes, my great emperor?
Wudi: What do you have to show us?
Inventor: Well, I took the pulp from a mulberry tree and made paper.
Wudi: Um, didn’t the Egyptians do that already?
Inventor: Not to correct you, oh magnanimous leader, but they made theirs with papyrus.
Wudi. Oh. What else?
Inventor: I also invented a seismograph.
Wudi: A what?
Inventor: A seismograph. It tells you when an earthquake hits, and from where.
Wudi: Nice idea. Anything else?
Inventor: Oh yeah. I unraveled the silk from the silkworm’s cocoon and made cloth. The ladies looove it.
Silkworms: (Run through, covering themselves) AHHH! WE’RE NAKED!!!
Wudi: What are we going to do with all of this stuff?
Narrator: Trade it for other things on the
Wudi: Didn’t you quit twice?
Narrator: Yes. But I can tell when I’m needed. (sweetly) Hey, Confuuuuucius. I made you a saaaandwich!
Confucius: You did? How sweet! (takes bite) Mmm. OH NO!! MERCURY! (Grabs throat and dies).
Narrator: See?
Wudi: Remind me never to make you mad.
Part 4: Yuan Dynasty
Narrator: Years passed and to the North, an army was growing. This army of nomadic Mongolian tribesmen were led by one great man—Genghis Khan.
Genghis: Huns.
Narrator: Who you callin’ hun?
Genghis: No. Huns. Nomadic Mongolian Tribesmen. You can just say Huns. It’s easier.
Narrator. Oh. Thanks! Anyhow. Genghis united all of the Huns and created one of the hugest empires the world had ever seen!
Genghis: That’s right!
Narrator: Too bad he got old and couldn’t take over
Genghis: Hey, at least I didn’t think mercury could make me live forever.
Narrator: Very true. Now, as I was saying. Genghis got old, and his grandson, Kublai Khan had to take over.
Kublai Khan: (doing jumping jacks in place) yeah! One more country! One more country! One more country!
Narrator: (in reporter tone) So, Kublai, how did you do it? How did you take over
Kublai: (jogging in place) Easy. It’s all about repetition. You know. Doing the same thing over and over. We attacked and attacked and attacked, and eventually, wore them down!
Narrator: Can you explain WHY you wanted to attack?
Kublai: Sure. We were living on the steppe—this dry grassy area where nothing really grows. We needed to trade with
Narrator: How do the Chinese like being ruled by a Mongolian?
Kublai: They love me! I build all sorts of new roads for them.
Road Builder: You stink, Mongolian!
Kublai: (ignoring him) And I rebuilt the
Kublai: AND, we all started using paper money!
Banker: You REALLY stink, Mongolian!
Kublai: And I give them religious freedom. Yep, I’d say they love me!
Poor Farmer Mom: Yeah, but you take all of my crops to buy yourself nice things!
Poor Farmer Dad: Yeah! We’re starving! You stink so much, I can smell you in
Narrator: (sarcastically) Yes… it seems they really do love you.
Part 5: Ming Dynasty
Narrator: (to poor farmers) Hey, can you believe that guy?
Poor Mother Farmer: He’s awful. Thinks he can just prance in here and rule? Ha!
Poor Father Farmer: In the meantime, we’ve got nothing to eat! What are we going to feed our son? Kublai is still taking all of our food!
Zhu: Yeah! I’m hungry.
Narrator: The next day….
Zhu: Hey mom, I’m hungry!
Narrator: The next day…
Zhu: Hey mom? Mom? I’m hungry…. You know what? That’s it. This Kublai’s going down. I need some FOOD.
Narrator: So, Zhu, the poor, starving farmer, rounded up some of his friends—the Red Turbans.
Zhu: Hey! You guys hungry?
Red Turbans: Yeah.
Zhu: You want food?
Red Turbans: Yeah!!
Zhu: (even more excitedly) You like the color red?
Red Turbans: YEAH!
Zhu: Excellent. Let’s go kick Kublai Khan out of
Red Turbans: (jumping up and down) Hooray!!
Narrator: In no time at all, Zhu and his Red Turbans kicked Kublai Khan back to
Red Turban #1: Hey, now we need an emperor! I think it’ll be me!
Red Turban #2: No! I want to be emperor!
Red Turban #1: My turban’s redder than yours.
Red Turban #2: No it isn’t! My turban’s redder than YOURS!
Zhu: Gentlemen, gentlemen. Let’s not fight. Everyone knows that I get to be emperor.
Red Turbans: They do?
Zhu: They do.
Red Turban #1: Well, if that’s true, what do you do that’s so great?
Zhu: (proud of himself) I make some totally awesome pottery.
Red Turban #2: (incredulously) You make PLATES?
Zhu: And bowls. They’re blue and white. Very pretty. Made of porcelain, like toilets!
Red Turban #1: WHAT?
Zhu: And vases! Don’t forget vases. Ming vases are FAMOUS.
Prince: (runs through) OH NO!! I’M BEING KIDNAPPED BY NOMADIC MONGOLIAN TRIBESMEN! HELP! HELP!
Zhu: Huns.
Red Turban #2: Who are you callin’ hun?
Zhu:You know, these Mongolians are a real pain. I think we should build a 4,000 mile wall around
Red Turbans: US? Build a 4,000 mile wall?
Zhu: Sure! That’d be great! Great friends to build a great wall. Who else can I trust to do it right?
Red Turban #1: Sure. We’ll start. Right after we drink some of this mercury.
THE END!
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Hooray!
I just got my scores back for my kids' latest math benchmark.
Last time... none of my kids passed. This time, I had 15 kids who improved by 18-39%. I even had a few kids who got in the 70's.
Hooray!!! I won't be fired after all!
Last time... none of my kids passed. This time, I had 15 kids who improved by 18-39%. I even had a few kids who got in the 70's.
Hooray!!! I won't be fired after all!
Monday, December 11, 2006
I'm a jerk.
I KNOW! I know! It has been ages since I've posted. I'm a big jerk face and a bloggette (little person who blogs a little... a new word, I've decided) failure.
I'm just so gd busy. The kids keep me running around in circles and *sigh*
A highlight or two.
"Miss J? Can we pull a prank on you?"
"What kind of kids ARE YOU? Asking the teacher if you can pull a prank? You need to work on that."
Moments later, whoopie cushion noises were heard. Moments after that, I owned a new whoopie cushion.
"Miss J, are we making you nuts?"
"Naw, I like you guys."
"Like... or like-like."
Pause. Eyeroll. "I enjoy your company. Most of the time. You goober."
"What's a goober? Is it a booger? Are you calling us boogers?!"
"Actually... it's a nut."
"Miss J? Can we throw you a surprise party?"
"How are you going to do that? I know where you are every moment of the day."
"Even when we are in the bathroom?"
"I said I knew WHERE you are. Maybe not the details of what you're doing."
"Oh. Well, what do you want for your birthday?"
"Ohhh! [with excitement] You know what I'd REALLY like?!"
"What, what?!" [class chorus]
"FOR YOU TO GET YOUR HOMEWORK DONE!"
"Awwwwwwww!"
Hope that was enjoyable for you. More to come. I hope.
Love ya!
.
I'm just so gd busy. The kids keep me running around in circles and *sigh*
A highlight or two.
"Miss J? Can we pull a prank on you?"
"What kind of kids ARE YOU? Asking the teacher if you can pull a prank? You need to work on that."
Moments later, whoopie cushion noises were heard. Moments after that, I owned a new whoopie cushion.
"Miss J, are we making you nuts?"
"Naw, I like you guys."
"Like... or like-like."
Pause. Eyeroll. "I enjoy your company. Most of the time. You goober."
"What's a goober? Is it a booger? Are you calling us boogers?!"
"Actually... it's a nut."
"Miss J? Can we throw you a surprise party?"
"How are you going to do that? I know where you are every moment of the day."
"Even when we are in the bathroom?"
"I said I knew WHERE you are. Maybe not the details of what you're doing."
"Oh. Well, what do you want for your birthday?"
"Ohhh! [with excitement] You know what I'd REALLY like?!"
"What, what?!" [class chorus]
"FOR YOU TO GET YOUR HOMEWORK DONE!"
"Awwwwwwww!"
Hope that was enjoyable for you. More to come. I hope.
Love ya!
.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Today's Conversations and Quotes
"Miss J! I'm your nephew."
"Really? You're my sister's son?"
"Yes. What's her name?"
"...Katelyn."
"No, it's not. It's MOM. Sheesh."
Boy: My brain is missing!!
Miss J: Did you have a lobotomy?
Boy: A what?
Miss J: Did you have part of your brain surgically removed?
Boy: Yeah!
Girl: (nonchalantly) They replaced it with a plastic car.
"There will be no pooping on my floor!"
"What do poor people do for fun?"
"They collect onions."
"No they don't! They hang out outside of Home Depot!"
.
"Really? You're my sister's son?"
"Yes. What's her name?"
"...Katelyn."
"No, it's not. It's MOM. Sheesh."
Boy: My brain is missing!!
Miss J: Did you have a lobotomy?
Boy: A what?
Miss J: Did you have part of your brain surgically removed?
Boy: Yeah!
Girl: (nonchalantly) They replaced it with a plastic car.
"There will be no pooping on my floor!"
"What do poor people do for fun?"
"They collect onions."
"No they don't! They hang out outside of Home Depot!"
.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Potty Mouth
Lately, we've been discussing my favorite repulsive and or dangerous animals. Take sea cucumbers, for instance-- they're covered in poisonous mucus and shoot out their internal organs at predators, then regrow them. And naked mole rats-- made cute by Disney's KimPossible, but possibly one of the ugliest creatures on earth. And, of course, jellyfish....
Now, I'm sure all of you know what to do if you're stung by a jellyfish. That is, if you are far from help and all by yourself. In order to neutralize the stinging sensation.... you gotta pee where it's stinging! HA!
So, I had to tell my kids this... cuz it gets them every time. I enjoy the gross-out factor, I'll be honest. But I failed to consider this particular group of kids. They too, seem to enjoy the gross out factor.
Says one student* with huge, startled eyes "OH my GOD Miss J!!! What do you do if it stings you in your MOUTH?!"
. . .
*Note: this is the same student who informed me that he couldn't do his homework because his brother's privates had been chopped off.
.
Now, I'm sure all of you know what to do if you're stung by a jellyfish. That is, if you are far from help and all by yourself. In order to neutralize the stinging sensation.... you gotta pee where it's stinging! HA!
So, I had to tell my kids this... cuz it gets them every time. I enjoy the gross-out factor, I'll be honest. But I failed to consider this particular group of kids. They too, seem to enjoy the gross out factor.
Says one student* with huge, startled eyes "OH my GOD Miss J!!! What do you do if it stings you in your MOUTH?!"
. . .
*Note: this is the same student who informed me that he couldn't do his homework because his brother's privates had been chopped off.
.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Steps to Destress
I am getting burnt out. I can feel it. So, for those of you out there who can also feel the burn, may I suggest a remedy?
Step 1: Take off your shoes.
Step 2: Ignore the work you have to do.
Step 3: Find yourself a playful orange cat.
Step 4: Pet orange cat's tummy.
Step 5: Smile.
Step 6: Repeat steps 4 & 5 infinitely.
Works every time.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Mustached Man and Suuuuuuper Frog!
Remember the student from student teaching who wrote all of the Fredrick the Wolf stories? Well, this is the Arizona equivalent. Let's just call him Emilio.
Emilio is a very creative writer, aspires to be an animator... and likes to blame things on his Evil Twin. Let's call him Mortimer. Mortimer sneaks up on poor, unsuspecting Emilio, and does all sorts of naughty things before disappearing back into Emilio's shadow.
Emilio is very quiet in class-- I never have to reprimand him for talking, wasting time, not following directions, flinging rubber bands in other people's eyes, punching others, putting white out all over everything, stealing my school supplies.... and so on. As soon as there is group work to be done, or free time though... watch out! The mischeif starts, and his mouth doesn't close. Typical Mortimer-- the boy sounds like an auctioneer on speed.
Now, clearly, Emilio doesn't have a mustache to twirl or an eyepatch. I drew those on. Not, in this case, to preserve his identity.... but because half way through class yesterday, he smacked both of these items on his face.
Evil twin, you know.
Mortimer dances with my skeleton. He tells grand sweeping stories of alien invasion. He teams up with Superfrog and defeats the deadly Chameleon! He's a charmer, a bandit, a sneak.
And of course, my favorite pupil.
.
Makin' the Big Monies
So, on one of my official school papers, it says that I make $19.95 an hour.
HAhaHAHaHhaAHA HaAH HA haa HA!! *cough hack hairball*
I think I just ruptured something.
$19.95 an hour my hopelessly perky butt. When you count just the hours I spend AT SCHOOL working, and total it up, after taxes I make.... .....
You sitting down?....
No, really.
I'm not playing around here.
Oh, no. You're not giving me THAT look. That's detention for YOU mister.
Ah-hem.
...sorry. Got caught up there for a moment.
Anyhow. My grand total, per hour, only counting time in which I am in school.......
$7.50.
Absolutely no exaggeration.
According to one of my kids "You could make more per hour workin' at Sonic, Miss J!"
Woo hoo!!
Okay. It is now time for me to pass out. It's been another disgustingly long day, and I am deader than a vulture-picked corpse. Hope y'all are doin' well.
.
HAhaHAHaHhaAHA HaAH HA haa HA!! *cough hack hairball*
I think I just ruptured something.
$19.95 an hour my hopelessly perky butt. When you count just the hours I spend AT SCHOOL working, and total it up, after taxes I make.... .....
You sitting down?....
No, really.
I'm not playing around here.
Oh, no. You're not giving me THAT look. That's detention for YOU mister.
Ah-hem.
...sorry. Got caught up there for a moment.
Anyhow. My grand total, per hour, only counting time in which I am in school.......
$7.50.
Absolutely no exaggeration.
According to one of my kids "You could make more per hour workin' at Sonic, Miss J!"
Woo hoo!!
Okay. It is now time for me to pass out. It's been another disgustingly long day, and I am deader than a vulture-picked corpse. Hope y'all are doin' well.
.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
*shaking fist*
Four of the little boogers are stealing stuff from me.
Little stuff. Like rubber bands.
I wouldn't mind if they were using the rubber bands for good-- that's what rubber bands are there for. To be helpful. To hug posters into submission. To bundle up pens if you are a bagless wonder.
But my kids aren't using them for good.... they're using them for evil. And I am not pleased.
Little stuff. Like rubber bands.
I wouldn't mind if they were using the rubber bands for good-- that's what rubber bands are there for. To be helpful. To hug posters into submission. To bundle up pens if you are a bagless wonder.
But my kids aren't using them for good.... they're using them for evil. And I am not pleased.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
For your viewing pleasure....
This is by far the lamest picture of the bunch. It can't be helped. I'm in the process of setting up two more centers-- the code breaking one will be full of math, actual codes and ciphers, and words they have to decode for reading comprehension, plus strategies to do so. I like to mix the subjects in the centers if I can. The unsolved mystery one is on a similar curiosity driven theme, and will feature such mysteries as crop circles, Stonehenge, the Bermuda Triangle, Nessie, Easter Island, Roanoke, alien abduction, hauntings and more! Wooo! How's that for fun?
This next picture shows my teeny windows (thank the great flying fish for them-- the AZ sun is KILLER!) You can see the start of my Travellin' Through Space and Time Center. Again... more exploring and fun!
Here's a shot of my Reading Rainforest. The four levels of the rainforest double as a learning tool-- those that read 1 book a month are on the forest floor, those who read 2 are in the understory, 3 are in the canopy, and 4 a month are my emergent level readers. I know, I know. Emergent readers are those people who are just starting to learn to read. But it's the highest level of the rainforest! So... that's that. If you look on the right you'll see Louie, my chameleon puppet. He's a hit. The only sad thing? I don't have NEARLY enough books!!
My skeleton has lost his jaw. Plus several teeth. And an arm. He's not doing so well. My globe isn't either. Apparently the sub broke it. Sad, sad, sad.
You will notice that my prized possession-- my little blue elephant-- sits on my desk. My CLEAN desk. It's clean and gorgeous until, say, 2:00. Then, somehow, everything explodes.
Behind my desk, on the right you can see my art wall area, and an area for the student of the week and daily student awards.
A view from the back. I had the kids in rows. Rows are rotten. Then I switched it to groups, because kids learn better that way. They also talk more that way. So I switched them to groupy-rows. Its working well so far AND I still have plenty of space to walk.
The white board on the far right is NOT a regular white board. Its a SmartBoard. It hooks up to the LCD projector, so we can watch movies on it (oh yeah). ALSO, any webpage I pull up on my computer, I can project automatically onto the screen. As a super awesome added bonus-- its touch sensitive. I can write, draw, or type right ON THE SCREEN. How amazing is that?
Well, that's all for now! I'll try my best to keep posting.... I've been spending 12 hours at school, then coming home, working a few more hours, and then just passing out. My kids always ask me what fun things I did over the weekend, and I just kind of laugh at them. It's okay though. They laugh at me the rest of the time. :)
This next picture shows my teeny windows (thank the great flying fish for them-- the AZ sun is KILLER!) You can see the start of my Travellin' Through Space and Time Center. Again... more exploring and fun!
Here's a shot of my Reading Rainforest. The four levels of the rainforest double as a learning tool-- those that read 1 book a month are on the forest floor, those who read 2 are in the understory, 3 are in the canopy, and 4 a month are my emergent level readers. I know, I know. Emergent readers are those people who are just starting to learn to read. But it's the highest level of the rainforest! So... that's that. If you look on the right you'll see Louie, my chameleon puppet. He's a hit. The only sad thing? I don't have NEARLY enough books!!
My skeleton has lost his jaw. Plus several teeth. And an arm. He's not doing so well. My globe isn't either. Apparently the sub broke it. Sad, sad, sad.
You will notice that my prized possession-- my little blue elephant-- sits on my desk. My CLEAN desk. It's clean and gorgeous until, say, 2:00. Then, somehow, everything explodes.
Behind my desk, on the right you can see my art wall area, and an area for the student of the week and daily student awards.
A view from the back. I had the kids in rows. Rows are rotten. Then I switched it to groups, because kids learn better that way. They also talk more that way. So I switched them to groupy-rows. Its working well so far AND I still have plenty of space to walk.
The white board on the far right is NOT a regular white board. Its a SmartBoard. It hooks up to the LCD projector, so we can watch movies on it (oh yeah). ALSO, any webpage I pull up on my computer, I can project automatically onto the screen. As a super awesome added bonus-- its touch sensitive. I can write, draw, or type right ON THE SCREEN. How amazing is that?
Well, that's all for now! I'll try my best to keep posting.... I've been spending 12 hours at school, then coming home, working a few more hours, and then just passing out. My kids always ask me what fun things I did over the weekend, and I just kind of laugh at them. It's okay though. They laugh at me the rest of the time. :)
Sunday, September 03, 2006
Homework Excuses: Part 1
It's the first week of school, and already I'm getting homework excuses. Can you believe it?
Among them are all of the usual suspects--
Mr. I Left it at Home! It's on the Kitchen Table, I Swear! and
Ms. I Left it Here so it's Not Finished. And of course, there's
Mme. Uh....We Had An Assignment? Yes, yes you did.
So far, here's my favorite...
"Miss J? I didn't get my homework done because my brother had to have surgery on his privates."
*blink*
So.... you need your brother's privates to do your homework?
Somebody explain that one to me. On second thought... please don't.
.
Among them are all of the usual suspects--
Mr. I Left it at Home! It's on the Kitchen Table, I Swear! and
Ms. I Left it Here so it's Not Finished. And of course, there's
Mme. Uh....We Had An Assignment? Yes, yes you did.
So far, here's my favorite...
"Miss J? I didn't get my homework done because my brother had to have surgery on his privates."
*blink*
So.... you need your brother's privates to do your homework?
Somebody explain that one to me. On second thought... please don't.
.
The First Day
Again, let me reiterate the strangeness of my situation. I started teaching after the students had already been in school for two weeks. They had, as it turned out, a rather sub-par substitute. Let's call him Mr. Terse. Cuz that's what he was. One terse dude.
Anyhow, the deal was that I'd start on a Monday, but would have until Thursday to get myself together-- meet the other 6th grade teachers, go into their classrooms and see what they were up to, get to know my kids. And plan.
Monday came around, and I sauntered in, teachery glasses perched on my nose, pen stuck through my hair. I met Mr. Terse, the substitute, and he ushered me outside to meet my little darlings.
As I walked to meet them, I heard the voices of several kids "Is that our teacher?" and then, "HEY! ARE YOU OUR TEACHER?" I just looked at the shouts, unamused. Then, more quietly...
"Hey... um. Are you our new teacher?"
"I am."
"Are you nice?"
"No. But I'm fair."
The kids didn't quite know what to make of that. They exchanged slightly worried glances that said "Is this chick going to be as bad as the sub?" On the inside, I was already giggling. They were in for a wild ride.
Two minutes later, I was in the classroom. I snapped on my orator voice and told them what was up. I was their new teacher, I would be starting permanently on Thursday, but until that time I expected respect to the substitute as well as myself, and excellent behavior.
I sat in my desk (My desk! MY desk!) and learned their names. But before long I began to wiggle. I couldn't just sit there and watch. I had to take over. Mr. Terse was doing as best as he could, but the students (or was it my presence?) made him nervous. Half of them weren't listening, and those who were didn't get what he was saying. They all stared at him with dead, glassy eyes.
I raced to the board and explained math as a code, and the students as codebreakers. Sherlock Holmes-es, every last one of them. Superheroes about to save the world. I drew pictures and made up stories. Questions shot from my mouth like horses at a racetrack. The kids were paying attention. And to my glee-- the principals walked in at that very moment, grinned, gave me thumbs-up signs, and walked back out.
Yes!, the little voice in my head said.
And the day was to get better. Science came around, and similarly to math, I couldn't sit still. We talked about the world's oceans, the water cycle. One of my kids asked "How come there are no oceans around here?"
Mr. Terse said "Well, that's kind of a long story," and looked at me like "Go ahead if you want."
I thought for a second, and in an exhaustive 2 minutes, explained Pangea, continental drift due to plate techtonics, and the makeup of the Earth beyond the crust.
The student who asked the question just kind of stared at me in wonder.
"You know everything!"
On the inside, I grinned. The student's comment just about made my week.
Which was damn good, because, as it turned out, the week was about to get hairy.
Anyhow, the deal was that I'd start on a Monday, but would have until Thursday to get myself together-- meet the other 6th grade teachers, go into their classrooms and see what they were up to, get to know my kids. And plan.
Monday came around, and I sauntered in, teachery glasses perched on my nose, pen stuck through my hair. I met Mr. Terse, the substitute, and he ushered me outside to meet my little darlings.
As I walked to meet them, I heard the voices of several kids "Is that our teacher?" and then, "HEY! ARE YOU OUR TEACHER?" I just looked at the shouts, unamused. Then, more quietly...
"Hey... um. Are you our new teacher?"
"I am."
"Are you nice?"
"No. But I'm fair."
The kids didn't quite know what to make of that. They exchanged slightly worried glances that said "Is this chick going to be as bad as the sub?" On the inside, I was already giggling. They were in for a wild ride.
Two minutes later, I was in the classroom. I snapped on my orator voice and told them what was up. I was their new teacher, I would be starting permanently on Thursday, but until that time I expected respect to the substitute as well as myself, and excellent behavior.
I sat in my desk (My desk! MY desk!) and learned their names. But before long I began to wiggle. I couldn't just sit there and watch. I had to take over. Mr. Terse was doing as best as he could, but the students (or was it my presence?) made him nervous. Half of them weren't listening, and those who were didn't get what he was saying. They all stared at him with dead, glassy eyes.
I raced to the board and explained math as a code, and the students as codebreakers. Sherlock Holmes-es, every last one of them. Superheroes about to save the world. I drew pictures and made up stories. Questions shot from my mouth like horses at a racetrack. The kids were paying attention. And to my glee-- the principals walked in at that very moment, grinned, gave me thumbs-up signs, and walked back out.
Yes!, the little voice in my head said.
And the day was to get better. Science came around, and similarly to math, I couldn't sit still. We talked about the world's oceans, the water cycle. One of my kids asked "How come there are no oceans around here?"
Mr. Terse said "Well, that's kind of a long story," and looked at me like "Go ahead if you want."
I thought for a second, and in an exhaustive 2 minutes, explained Pangea, continental drift due to plate techtonics, and the makeup of the Earth beyond the crust.
The student who asked the question just kind of stared at me in wonder.
"You know everything!"
On the inside, I grinned. The student's comment just about made my week.
Which was damn good, because, as it turned out, the week was about to get hairy.
Saturday, September 02, 2006
Teacher Telepathy
The second day of class, my students had to present historical reports. The group assignment had been given by the substitute teacher and he had left no rubrick behind. I sat in my desk, wondering how to grade them, and listened as my third presenter stumbled over the words.
"At one time," he said, "ka-ka-ka..."
"Caesar?" I asked, looking up from my notes. He looked at me in surprise.
"Yeah. Yeah! I think it is."
Then a few minutes later...
"The p-p-p,"
"Parthenon?"
Again, he looked at me in astonishment. "How'd you DO that?"
I shrugged. "I'm a teacher. I'm good."
The class giggled.
Two minutes later, it happened again.
"Eh... Eh....." He looked up at me expectantly.
"Espana?"
"Man. You weren't kidding. You ARE good."
Indeed. :)
"At one time," he said, "ka-ka-ka..."
"Caesar?" I asked, looking up from my notes. He looked at me in surprise.
"Yeah. Yeah! I think it is."
Then a few minutes later...
"The p-p-p,"
"Parthenon?"
Again, he looked at me in astonishment. "How'd you DO that?"
I shrugged. "I'm a teacher. I'm good."
The class giggled.
Two minutes later, it happened again.
"Eh... Eh....." He looked up at me expectantly.
"Espana?"
"Man. You weren't kidding. You ARE good."
Indeed. :)
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