Mucho Dinero

For the last three days, I've been attending meetings, setting up my classroom, and going insane. School starts... MONDAY!
The upside? My classroom looks fricken gorgeous. Pictures will soon follow, I promise.

The other good news? I'm 98% sure I'm going to be the sole team leader next year. That means... MORE MONEY! (And...more responsibility... but how great is it that I can put that on my resume already?)

Also, I'm on the school improvement/leadership team. That means.... MORE MONEY!

AND, I'm running student council (which, ironically, I know nothing about. But it is better than running *cough* cheerleading) with a totally sweet 8th grade teacher (and by "sweet" I mean "cute" and "male"). And you know what that means....

MORE MONEY! (You better not be thinking anything pervy either.)

And lastly, while not related to monies... I get to teach SCIENCE, MATH and HISTORY!

Heck yes!

It is going to be a kick-ass year.

Next Year

Next year...

I'll be teaching the following:

1. Language! -- a scripted, phonics-based program
2. Language Arts -- using reading strategies, writing
3. Ancient History

The good things: Only 2 lessons to plan each day! 60 kids a day instead of 30-- so if a kid makes me bonkers, I don't have to deal with him/her all day long. Less stress. More time for after school clubs. Team teaching means more collaboration.

The bad things: Only 2 lessons a day! Repetitive lessons can get boring. I'll miss teaching science and math. 60 kids now rely on me to teach them how to read. EEK!


Also, fantastically, I've been chosen to be part of the leadership team, to lead our 6th grade team, and to start the drama club.

Booyah!

I'm so glad not to have 1st year status anymore.

New Pet

Yesterday, I acquired a new pet. And then I killed it.

Say what?!

Let me explain.

I walked into my bedroom just in time to see a creature scampering across my carpet.
Well, let's be honest.
It wasn't scampering. It was scurrying. I had flipped on the light and it wasn't happy about it. It twitched its little antennae. And then fled behind my shoe rack.

A ROACH!!! I was horrified. I whipped out a Shaniqua-like voice and said
"Oh hell no! Not in MY house!"

Snap, snap, snap.

I sprayed the repugnant demon with Windex, then my magnificent cat cornered him for me and pawed him into submission. Then, I scooped up the horrific little bastard into a yogurt cup and maniacally laughed as he swirled down my toilet bowl. I imagined his tiny, crackly, roach-voice screaming. Which made me feel better because my internal, crackly, girl-voice had been screaming moments earlier.

Now don't get me wrong, I love creatures. Snakes are fabulous, slimy worms are fun. I'm okay with spiders. Mosquitoes are annoying, but I can deal with them. Ants-- a minor irritant. Scorpions are kind of terrifying, but fascinating. But roaches?! To the toilet!

I don't care if they're Miracles of Evolution (is that an oxymoron?). If Mr. Roach comes into my house, and he's history.

Ancient history.
Atlantis's history.
Down into the water you go.

What I learned at my teaching conference...

So, after attending a teaching convention for five days I learned a lot of things.

1. You've got to feel psychologically safe before you can participate in group work.
2. Most people look at data the wrong way, and thus, feel judged by it.
3. A room full of teachers and administrators is both a wonderous and terrifying place.
4. Teachers really do have the best stories.

Such as....

Earlier this year, a bunch of 5th grade boys on my campus found a bag.
Filled with sex toys.
Used sex toys.
And the receipt was still in the bag.

Can't beat that, can you?


.

Wonderful Things #1

Wonderful things about living in Arizona:

1. You get to live in 100+ degree heat. Today, I was lucky. Today, I experienced 106 degree weather. I say "weather" because its the only thing that changes from day to day. Tomorrow, its likely to be 108. Then later, 110. Sunny. No clouds. No humidity. Just varying degrees of eyeball- scorching heat. What's sad is that I can tell when its above 110. Then, its truly miserable.

Thermometers here should read:
Warm.
Warmer.
Surprisingly, yet Comfortably, Hot.
Eyebrow-Raising Hot.
Can't Walk on Concrete without Burning your Feet Hot.
Don't Bother Driving-- your Car is an Oven, Hot.
Don't Bother Leaving your Apartment at all Hot.
Eyebrow-Burning Hot.
Tears Evaporate Hot.
Magma Evaporates Hot.
Depths of Hell Hot.

At least they have named places down here accordingly.
Tempe. That's an easy one. Tempe is just a shortened form for TEMPERATURE. As in, you'll feel like you've got one as soon as you enter the city. No, sir. That's not a bbq. That's your own skin you smell burning. And I'll bet you taste just like chicken... or maybe not a chicken... maybe a.....

Phoenix. What is a phoenix, you ask? Why, its a bird rising from the ashes after it had BURST INTO FLAME. Mmm. Delicous.

Peoria. Now, here's a toughie. Luckily, I've got insider eyes. Originally, settlers came from Peoria, IL and settled in the NW Phoenix area. Like those settlers, I too migrated from Peoria. So, I can guess as to their motivations-- Peoria, IL is a hellhole. Those poor bastards trekked 1,700 miles and, I'm guessing, stopped when they were struck by beauty. Both Peorias are pretty-- no argument there.
However pretty, both have their own distinct dangers. In IL? A symphony of sirens and gunshots. Here you've got the scorching sun, stabbing cacti instead of trees, post-apocalyptic rubble instead of grass, snipers and car thieves a plenty.

Famous last words? "But, it is a DRY heat, honey!"



.

Brainsnot

Well, my brain has officially turned into snot. I think the Egyptians were right in their theory... mine could easily be taken out with a hook and thrown away.

Today, I spent roughly 7 hours trying to prove to the state that I'm not completely incompetent. Two tests, professional aptitude and content. Six pages of essay, two hundred extremely wordy multiple choice questions later... and my brain is mush. After a while, the words were starting to swim in front of my eyes. Sweet little backstrokes.

I had forgotten how wretched standardized testing is, and how easy it is to feel like "screw it, I'm tired, I don't care anymore!" Hopefully I'll remember this next year, and can help my poor students better when they have to run the gamut.

In a couple weeks, I'll let you know if I passed. Now, its time to pass out. Sayonara, folks!

Final Bell

The bell rang today.

And my kids all stood still, turned to statues by the sound that usually sent them scurrying to their seats. They stood still. Then, some of them started to cry. And then, they all began to hug each other.

They wouldn't leave. My divas, my trouble-makers, my clowns all coagulating in the middle of my room.

Some days are exhausting, but I love my kids and my job. I am so proud of everything they've learned. The worst part, by far, is seeing them walk out my door.

Sadako gets her Wish

When I was in 5th grade, a woman named Ako Hotehama visited us from Japan. She taught us the story of Sadako, and showed us how to fold paper cranes. My class folded as many as we could (I folded hundreds by myself), and sent them back with her to place at the Children's Monument in Hiroshima. I never did know whatever became of Ako or the cranes.

Then, this summer, I had the opportunity to go to Hiroshima. I remembered the story of Sadako, and as I stood by the monument, I started to tear up. I only had 75 cranes to offer this time-- not the hundreds I'd made in the past-- but it was something.

Fast forward to the current time. My students have read Sadako's story. They've read all about everything from the Treaty of Versailles to the Manhattan Project. They can tell you all about the horrors of war. And they, like myself, wanted to make Sadako's wish come true.

As of yesterday, we did it-- we folded 1,000 cranes. Over a thousand, actually.

So, I'm sending them to Japan. Stringing them in garlands of a hundred, packing them in a box, and shipping them to Sadako's monument.

My students are leaving hundreds upon hundreds of messages of hope and peace, and even more importantly-- they can become part of something bigger. When the cranes reach Japan, our class information will be put in the national registry, and my students will forever be able to look up our class and, for once, be proud of something that's left the classroom instead of just something that happens within it.

My Lack of Maturation

So, today, we had the "Maturation Assemblies."
Translation: the girls and boys of 6th grade got to learn about... PUBERTY! Woo! FUN!

(Side note: I really hate when people pronounce the word "poo-ber-ty," don't you?)

I thought I was going to be stuck with all the girls, listening about the joys of menstruation, but instead, I had the rare opportunity to babysit a group of young lads who didn't have their permission slips signed (which made me laugh-- the kids weren't responsible enough to hand in a slip about maturing? Ha! Sweet irony.).

Anyhow, next door to me, the boys were having their nice little chat.

I figured that it would start with an educational movie, circa 1970, then, I don't know, a little discussion in which the boys wouldn't say anything and the teacher would tiptoe around the subject as much as possible.

INSTEAD....I hear the gym teacher, bellowing in his militant voice, something like, "Why do we all LAUGH when we hear the word PENIS? ITS NOT FUNNY. Its not a JOKE."

Nice opener, sport.

I can already tell that I'm going to need a distraction to keep myself from laughing. Its not so much the subject material, but the way Mr. Clearly-Compensating-for-Something is speaking.
I can't tell all of what's being said next door, but every once in a while, an ennunciated word seeps through..... "blur blur blur EJACULATION!"

I pull an enormous novel out of my bookbag. The boys in my room have work to do, but their eyes are fixed on me. I musn't react! I musn't react! I pull the novel in front of my face so they can't see my expression. I bite the sides of my cheeks, and I hear...

"and that's when you get an ERECTION!"

Oh, sweet lord. My smirk turns to a smile and threatens to break, and then the gym teacher screams...

"You get a little WOOD!"

The entire class next door cracks up, I chortle along with them. Oh, sweet release.

Sex ed certainly has changed a lot from when I was in 6th grade.

That's it.

I have 9 days left.

I'm completely and utterly burnt out... yet I can't believe the year is over.

My 6th Graders Rock.

News:

I'm teaching a group of kids high school/college level cellular biology. To be more specific: DNA replication (and they better spell deoxyribonucleic acid correctly!), transcription, translation, cloning, mutations, genetically enhanced foods, Watson/Crick/Franklin etc etc etc.

I was told by someone close to me "There's no way you can make that fun."

HELL YES I CAN!

We made DNA out of pipe cleaners and beads. We have a DNA cheer. We have a chromosome dance. We made amino acid necklaces (by using transcription and translation, of course). We discuss the possibility of being your own sister and mother (cloning, of course).....

Next week, we're going to discuss genetics, do some punnet squares, and do some genetic engineering of our own and "create" some chimeras out of clay.

SO THERE!

One of my girls told me a couple days ago that this year was the FIRST YEAR SHE'S HAD SCIENCE OR HISTORY.

AHHHH!!!!

What an incredible disservice! My kids LOVE science. My kids LOVE history. They're both so damn fascinating-- the content.... they NEED the content! Sigh.


Yesterday I said "How many of you thought history would be or WAS boring previously to this year?"
All my kids raised their hands.
"How many of you like history?" All of my kids raised their hands.

Aww yeah.

How many 6th graders do you know who love talking about Josef Mengele and WWII battles and the Hindenburg?

Berlin Wall? Check. Cold War? Treaty of Versailles? Conscription? Reconaissance? Harry Truman? FDR? Greer Incident? Kristallnacht? Night of Long Knives? Auschwitz's Block 11?

They've got it all, baby.

I love my job.

Success!

This week, we had conferences. My kids are starting to slack off (end-of-the-year-itis), thus, many of the grades had dropped. I was expecting irate parents, but this is what I got...

"My daughter comes home from school, and she WON'T stop talking about WWII. She sits there, telling her brother everything that is going on, and neither one of them will go to bed!"

"Lately, my daughter's been on the computer a LOT. I expected that she was on myspace or some silly thing, but every time I checked... it was Wikipedia. She was researching WWI and WWII. She told me all sorts of things I knew nothing about... Josef Mengele, the Munich Agreement, the Manhattan Project... I couldn't believe it. I never even learned any of that stuff."

"My son knows more about science than his older sister, and she's a far better student. His head is full of facts, and I can't even pronounce the names of the organelles he keeps talking about."

"Last year, my daughter was almost failing all subjects. This year... she's excited to go to school, and she comes home full of new facts to share. She even likes math!"

Kids talking to their parents about what they learned in school??! Kids researching at home just because they want to know more?!?!

I have done my job.

Student Accomplishments...

Some things our students have done this year....

1. Learned all the countries in Asia and the Middle East.
2. Explained the causes and effects of both WWI and WWII.
3. Defined mutual symbiosis, photosynthesis, bioluminescence, eutrophication, condensation, evaporation, precipitation.
4. Brought brass knuckles to school.
5. Learned how to write Chinese characters.
6. Learned how to fold paper cranes.
7. Learned the basics of American Sign Language.
8. Formed gangs.
9. Stole all of my crayons.
10. Performed plays about the dynasties of China.
11. Written their own fractured fairy tale plays.
12. Effectively used the words conniption, chaos, pandemonium, cerulean, alliteration, onomatopoeia, idiom, simile, dilapidated, aye-aye, serene, atrocious, oryx and more.
13. Stole my rubber bands, glue, notebooks, pencils, candy, pens, markers.
14. Described the steps of mummification.
15. Described the functions of plant and animal cell organelles.
16. Brought in razor blades and threatened other students.
17. Learned all of the names of the bones, functions of bones, bone diseases and bone production.
18. Mastered fractions, decimals, story problems, basic algebra.
20. Put porn on their cell phones.
21. Made me laugh until I cried.

It has been a good year.

What do YOU know about WWI?

Here's the WWI test my kids have to take tomorrow. Can you pass?

1. ____ U-boats were created by the:

1. French
2. Italians
3. Britons
4. Germans
5. Belgiums
6. Americans

2. ____ Dangerous area between trenches:

1. Trenches
2. Frontal assault
3. Reconnaissance
4. No Man’s Land
5. Total War
6. Grenade

3. ____ Large, metal air balloon also called a dirigible.
   

1. dynamite
2. zeppelin
3. submarine
4. tank
5. chemical warfare
6. machine gun

4. ____ Country that succeeded at using chemical warfare.

1. America
2. Britain
3. Germany
4. France
5. Armenia
6. Belgium

5. ____ Country that failed at using chemical warfare, killing 60,000 of their own men.

1. America
2. Britain
3. Germany
4. France
5. Armenia
6. Belgium

6. ____ Another word for spying….

1. Reconnaissance
2. Conscription
3. Assassination
4. Genocide
5. Dirigible
6. Shrapnel

7. ____ Another term for “the draft”…..

1. Reconnaissance
2. Conscription
3. Assassination
4. Genocide
5. Dirigible
6. Shrapnel

8. ____ The killing of an entire group of people

1. Reconnaissance
2. Conscription
3. Assassination
4. Genocide
5. Dirigible
6. Shrapnel

9. ____ The entire country of people that was killed

1. American
2. Britain
3. Germany
4. France
5. Armenia
6. Belgium

10. ____ The document that officially ended the war

1. 14 points
2. Treaty of Versailles
3. The Big Three
4. Consignment
5. First Amendment
6. Espionage Act

B. Name the country each person is from!

1. Eugene Debs ___________________________________________________________
2. Kaiser William II ___________________________________________________________
3. Tsar Nicholas II ___________________________________________________________
4. Woodrow Wilson ___________________________________________________________
5. Georges Clemenceau ___________________________________________________________
6. Archduke Franz Ferdinand ___________________________________________________________
7. Rasputin ___________________________________________________________
8. Sophia ___________________________________________________________
9. Alexandra (2) ___________________________________________________________
10. Vladimir Lenin ___________________________________________________________
11. Gavrilo Princip ___________________________________________________________
12. Red Baron __________________________________________________________

D. Match the name to the action of the person. People can be used more than once!

1. Leader of Russia & head of the Bolshevik party. _____________________________________
2. Nicknames: Holy devil, mad monk _____________________________________
3. Had a messed up hand, German. _____________________________________
4. Member of the Black Hand Society. _____________________________________
5. Ruler of Germany during WWI. _____________________________________
6. Secret club that was behind the assassination of the heir of the Austro-Hungarian throne. _____________________________________

7. Ruler of Russia who was killed in his basement.
8. Was thrown into prison for speaking against the war. _____________________________________
9. Was assassinated with his wife after the driver had taken a wrong turn. _____________________________________

10. Had 80 kills, was killed in a dogfight. _____________________________________
11. Was said to have supernatural, healing powers. _____________________________________
12. Leader of France who signed Treaty of Versailles _____________________________________
13. President of the United States _____________________________________
14. Wife of Tzar Nicholas _____________________________________
15. Got himself a sandwich, and then shot and killed a very important person. _____________________________________

E. Short Answer. Give a sentence or two to explain

1. Give me two facts about the Battle of Somme.

2. Give me two facts about the Battle of Verdun.

3. What is a POW?

4. Why did America finally enter WWI?

5. What was the Espionage Act?

F. Essay. Explain in several sentences.

1.E xplain Belgium’s role in WWI. (In your sentence, make sure you include Britain, France and Germany)

2. Explain the arms race and how it contributed to WWI. (Words to include: HMS Dreadnaught, Germany, Britain, allies)

3. Explain Rasputin’s relationship with Alexandra and how it contributed to the death of the Romanov family.

4. Explain why the heir to the Austro-Hungarian throne was shot and what it caused. (Words to include: annex, Black Hand Society)

G. Map: Label the following countries.
Germany

Austria

Hungary

Turkey

Armenia

Italy

United Kingdom

Russia

Spain

France

Bosnia

Belgium

Extra Credit (1 pt each)

Norway

Sweden

Finland

Croatia

Ireland

Iceland

Denmark

Greece

Moldova

ETC.

NOTE: They also have the match the faces with the names of all of the people from part B!

Sweet Nothings

The other day, one of my students said something really sweet to me. Ready for it?

"Miss J, nothing you say is important."

Isn' t that sweet? Made my day.