A Whole New World

Johnny: I can play Aladdin on the piano (starts mimicking it).
Donnie, Adonis, Andrew, Adrian, Bryan, Johnny, Me: I can show you the wooooooorld!
Me: I can't believe you guys know this song.
Johnny: Aladdin rocks, Miss J.
Me: I know this. And I'm glad you do too.
Andrew: Miss J, have you ever been rickrolled?
Me: Hello, Sir Nonsequitor. And yes.
Andrew: Can you believe he's a white guy?!
Me: No! I also can't believe you're getting an A in my class when you never do anything.
Andrew: Crazy, huh?
Johnny: It's cuz its a whole new world.
Me: Touche

Green, but not with Envy

Josh: Miss J, with that green sweater you look like the green M & M.
Sebastian: Isn't that the slutty M & M?
Jacky: Did you just call Miss J a slutty M & M?
Me: Why are we having this conversation?
Jacky: Miss J's not slutty. Or that round. Well at least her...
Me: Stop.
Class laughs.
Me: You guys are all jerks.
Jacky: You love us.
Me: True. Crap.

Black Days

Donnie: Miss J, you ever have a real black day?
Me: You mean, a day in which I sit in the couch wearin' earrings with my name written in them?
Donnie: (mouth drops open) That's so not what I meant. I meant...wow. I can't believe you know about that.

Sure. It's 867-5309....

Sebastian: So, Miss J. My mom can't come to conferences.
Me: Okay...you're not failing my class. I don't need to see her unless she really wants to come in.
Sebastian: Yeah. She wants to come in. Err...but she can't. So, she wanted to call you over break. So.... (impishly grins) can I get your number?
Me: Your mother may call the school anytime she wishes to speak to me.
Sebastian: But--
Me: Stop. My car is older than you.
Boys at the table: BUUUUURN!
Sebastian: Can't blame a boy for trying.
Irving: Sebastian, you are so inappropriate.
Me: Seriously.

More Misconceptions: AIDS

After school...

Student A: Miss J. I talked to Mrs. D about this, and I don't believe her. You're a science teacher, so you'll know.
Me: Oh god. Now what?
Student A: When gay people have, you know, sex, they create AIDS right? Like, even though they're both clean, they create it.
Me: (blinking)....You're just messing with me right now, right? You're trying to make my brain shoot through my nose?
Student A: No, really. (Student looks dead serious)
Me: Sweetheart, can I give you knowledge I don't have? Can I teach you something I don't know?
Student A: Uh, no.
Me: Can I give you a present I haven't purchased yet?
Student A: No.
Me: Can I give you a cold I don't have?
Student A: No.
Me: So, how in the world do you think that gay people create AIDS?
Student A: Well, that's what I was taught. Like, it showed up in the gay population first, right? Straight people can't get it.
Me: Anybody who has sex or shares needles or presses bleeding wounds together can get it.
Student A: Right but, it started with the gays.
Me: AIDS didn't originate from gay people. It's a mutated strain of a virus that came from monkeys in Africa.
Student A: OH MY GOD. I HATE MONKEYS. Monkeys are way worse than gay people.
Me: Aaaand, this conversation is done.
Student A: So, then why do almost all gay people have it?
Me: Why are we still talking about this? A, they do not and B....(sigh) Okay, I'm going to put this as professionally as I can. If you are gay and you engage in that activity, what do you NOT have to worry about?
Student A: .....
Me: Can you have a kid?
Student A: OH! No. OH! OH!
Me: What are they not doing?
Student A: USING PROTECTION! OH! They're not using protection because they can't get pregnant, so it shows up more in the population because they're not being careful. OH MY GOD THAT MAKES SENSE.
Me: Go home.
Student A: But...
Me: Seriously. I should have said it 5 minutes ago. Go home.

Now, I'm just worried tomorrow's question will be:

"Miss J, did the gays have sex with monkeys?"

Kim Jong-il vs. Chalupa

Andrew: Gerome, you should be that crazy Korean guy for Halloween.
Gerome: Who?
Me: Kim Jong-il? The dictator of North Korea?
Andrew: Yeah!
Me:....Why?...Please tell me its not just because Gerome is Asian.
Andrew: What?! I thought you were from the Philippines.
(Gerome and I exchange glances)
Gerome: Yeah. That's in Asia.
Andrew: Oh. Well, yeah. That guy because Gerome's Asian.
Me: Mmkay. Well, by that logic, I think you should be a chalupa.
Andrew: What?
Me: Because you're Mexican.
Andrew: Can I at least be a bean and cheese burrito?

Can you do the Jerk?

"If one more kid tells me that he's an expert at jerking, I'm going to lose it"
-- Great quote today by Greg.

Donnie's Enormous Ego Part 1

Donnie: Miss J, when you go home, or talk to Silver, you must talk about your favorite student, you know, how amazing he is, how he always brightens up your day, how he has such a great attitude, how he's a little slice of heaven....
Me: Yes, you're right, I tell Silver about Bryan.
Bryan: Yeaaaah! That's right.
Donnie: I don't understand why you're always hating on me. I'm amazing. All of my teachers have always talked about me. We were always like best friends. Can I be your best friend?
Me: Nope. I already have a best friend.
Donnie: Don't you think I'm great, though? I mean, come on. Name a flaw.
Half the class: YOUR GIANT EGO?

No kidding.

Grama

The last week, I've had a terrible cold. Today, my voice finally bit it. I spent the day charading at my kids (I'm going to call that a word too), gesturing wildly, making stupid faces, and whispering when I had to. It was half fun, and half awful. But, all of the kids then whispered because I was-- kinda funny.

Hector: Are you going to come tomorrow?
Me: Yep. I'll be here.
Hector: Not if you keep drinking that soda. Soda is bad for you.
Me: Thanks, mom.
Hector: No, no. Don't call me mom. I'm not your mom. Call me.... grama.
Me: Oh yes. That's perfect. I am calling you Grama from now on.
Hector: Oh no. What did I just do?

Heh heh heh. Indeed.

Cracker

Donnie: Miss J, you have a cracker?
Me: ....Did you just call me a cracker?
Donnie: God....No! I would never--
Me: Seriously. White people know what that means.
Donnie: No, like a Ritz. Do you have some Ritz?
Me: Nope. Got some Cheerios though.
Adonis: ...For WHAT?
Me: I train tiny dogs to jump through them. Or you know. I eat them. Whatever.
Adrian: You eat tiny dogs? Sick.

Oh, how we get off topic sometimes.

M

Okay, so M came in today because she needed my help-- she has to write a letter to the court so that her dad can get his citizenship and stay in the US. Right now he just has a work visa and its about to expire. She is a citizen, as are all of her sisters (except one) but neither of her parents are.... her mom is here illegally. So she came to ask me for help with that. BUT before she did that she had to explain her last year to me. Apparently, the death of her cousin-- who was like a sister to her-- shook her to the bone.

Her cousin's name was Abagail. At 14 she was diagnosed with Leukemia, and halfway through the year.... she died. M was there when they pulled the plug. M was there when she slipped into a coma. M was there to see her eyes all bloody and chafed because her tear ducts were no longer producing liquid. M was there to say goodbye to the girl she wanted to share her quincinera with.

And then, her dad went to prison.
And she was at a new school.
And she had no friends.


And so, she started doing drugs. And cutting herself. And getting into fights. Because part of her didn't want to live anymore. And part of her just wanted to escape. Because she didn't know what to do. She just didn't want to do this.

She's now in counseling. For anger management. For drugs. For the huge cuts she's inflicted upon herself. She worries that she's permanently damaged her brain. She worries that she's permanently damaged her future. She's terrified to tell me anything. I'm terrified she won't.

I love this girl. She is my sister. She is coming to me after school tomorrow so we can work on her letter. I can't help but feel like I need to save her. To rescue her. That she'd be like me if only she was in the environment I was raised in.

I wonder if I've done any good. I wonder if I've had enough of an impact. She says I'm like her mom. I wonder if that's enough.

What are you, new?

Nayeli and Stephanie are in detention, cleaning up a major mess. Stephanie was tardy one too many times, but the other one? Is the only kid out of 125 who has given me any crap. Does she not know that I'm a bigger diva than she could ever be?
Former students Nephew, Israel and Mr. Chavez come to visit, while Jasmine looks on. Jasmine, who is friends with (and is often the ring-leader of) the two trouble makers, has an epiphany....

Jasmine: Wait. You guys are in here for detention? Not to hang out? You're giving Miss J crap? Are you crazy? She's like, one of the coolest teachers in the school. You have to be cool to her.
Israel: (looks at Nayely) Seriously. What are you... new? (She actually is)

Nothin' better than getting the kids to say what you are thinking.

Sebastian

Info you need to know: Sebastian is about 4 feet tall. He's got elfin features and a spunky little personality. He's the younger brother of a feisty and intelligent student I had last year...and apparently, has an obsession with my pronunciation.

Yesterday
Sebastian: Miss J, say "Fresh."
Me: What? No.
Sebastian: But it's cool. It's cool the way you say "fresh."
Me: You're weird. Finish your lab. Then maybe you'll get your wish, Mentos Man.
Sebastian: Miss J. How does your mouth feel when you brush your teeth?
Me: Clean.
Sebastian: How does mint taste?
Me: Delicious. Lab. Now.

Today
Sebastian: My sweat smells like victory. See? Victory. Right here. In the pits. The side of my arm. It's triumph.
Me: You sound like an ad for Axe.
Sebastian: Because Axe is....FRESH! Say it!
Me: Oh god. Not again.
Sebastian: You're one saucy mama.

What is with these kids?

Year Four, Week 3

"So, you're in education?" says the bank lady.
"Yep. Year four." I look at her face. "Of teaching," I clarify. Because I know what she's thinking.

And then she says it.
"Oh! I thought you were a student."

Of course.

Also, it's week three. Which means the kids are going to start to push. Honeymoon? Over. Today after putting something in GIANT LETTERS which I underlined in RED and said at least 3 times, a kid had the nerve to shout at me:

"You never said that!"

I glowered. I pointed at his notebook where he had it writen. I pointed to the board.
"I...uh.... am not saying you're a liar." He said, looking afraid.
Damn right.

It was a long day.

Let's Talk about Sex Bay-bee

"Okay! So, in order to talk about energy, we're gonna talk about SEX!"
Silence. Then some hooting and nervous laughter.
"FUNGUS SEX."

My kids are not amused by me.

First Day: A Success!

The first day was a success! I over planned this year... so it wasn't a heart-attack like last year. (Oh crap! Oh CRAP! I still have an hour with your butts! Let me quick show you a demo and make a crazy analogy..... Er.... Vinegar. Baking soda. Your brain. Err....)

I already knew about 85% of their faces, and about 50% of them I had either in 6th or in summer school for writing. GOD THAT MAKES MY JOB EASIER.

Except for the fact that I have a self-proclaimed "Young Republican" who is actually a "Young Socialist."

I'm sure you'll be reading more about him in upcoming months.

I'm exhausted, but things are good. I'm excited.

I think it is gonna be a great year.

I don't know why I keep reading the news.

Garbage

"I think the Democrats have got more crazies than the Republicans do," Liz Cheney said. "But setting that aside, one of the reasons you see people so concerned about this ... people are uncomfortable with having for the first time ever, I think, a president who seems so reluctant to defend the nation overseas."

Could that be perhaps, because we've been arrogant and obnoxious and in order to repair our relationships with the rest of the countries, we have to be a little more quiet and humble and apologetic? Do you think running around, still talking about how amazing we are and how right we are is going to fix anything? ESPECIALLY with the state of things?

ARGH. I never thought that a group of people could infuriate me so much.

Quick Questioning Strategies

Last year, I typed these strategies up for the school. Most of them we all learned in college, but some are easy to forget. For all the new teachers out there, here's one more resource!

1. Engagement: Questioning & Movement
a. Time: When you ask a question, don’t forget to give the kids some wait time before you call on a student—some need a few more seconds to process, and rapid fire won’t always work. 5 seconds feels like forever for us, but really helps them.
b. Sometimes re-prompting will help—if the same few kids are always eager to answer, restate the question in another way to get more kids involved, or to lead them to a smaller piece of the puzzle before building back up to the big question.
c. Don’t forget to call on the kids who don’t answer or never raise their hands.
d. Pepper this in! Tell a student that he or she will be answering the following question, pause, give the question, and give the student a bit of time to think, then answer.
e. Hold other students accountable when they’re not answering by calling on them to REPEAT what the last student said. You shouldn’t have to repeat what the student says!
f. Echo back like they do in the elementary grades.
g. Throw a Koosh-ball, or one of those inflatable cubes and don’t let the kids leave until everyone’s participated.
h. Post answers around the room and have the kids write the questions, or give them the questions and have them use the posted answers as a scavenger hunt. This works well introducing or reviewing a unit.
i. Have the kids move around as much as possible. Use carousel, four corners, or jigsaw techniques to have them go to different stations. Have students play charades or act out scenarios to answer your question.
j. Pull sticks or do some sort of random call so they know that each one will be accountable at some time during the lesson.
k. Try to steer clear of “yes/no” questions, or questions with really obvious answers—sometimes they’ll just tell you what they think you want to hear. If I ask one of these questions and they respond too quickly, I give them a disturbed look like “really?”….even if they’re right. I make them think about it again, talk with a neighbor, and this time, give me a complete sentence with justification. This helps! (Because let’s face it… we can’t always ask amazing questions off the top of their heads AND its fun to mess with them a little!)
l. Play games! Fuentes’s Hot Seat game is great for vocab. (E-mail me if you want more on that)

2. Engagement: Look Who’s Talking?
a. The people talking are the people that are learning. Don’t go longer than 2-3 minutes without having some sort of interaction with the kids—questioning counts!
b. Use a timer to stop your lectures! If your PowerPoint/presentation is interactive, try not to make the teacher led time longer than 8 minutes without giving them a significant break to work with the material.
c. Don’t forget to give the kids process time when lecturing—they may get it as you’re going but they’ll quickly forget if they don’t DO something with it. Let them explain to a neighbor, summarize it, get clarification, etc. before you continue on.
d. Ask basic questions, but also try to ask questions that don’t have yes or no answers. Kids will be more courageous, and will use their imaginations more to answer. Yay for higher participation.

3. Motivation & Connections
a. Try to get to know the kids as much as you can. The more you know them, the more you’ll gain mutual respect and will be able to cater to them and their interests. Doing lots of centers and group work makes this easy—as you rotate around, you build better rapport.
b. Remember that their world isn’t the one we grew up in. Even having story problems written about them helps.
c. If you can’t explain to them why they’re learning something, or why it’s important, it’ll be hard for them to care. Be prepared to answer the question “What’s in it for me?”

4. Background & Common Ground
a. Good teachers use an “attention getter” (also known in obnoxious teacher jargon as an “anticipatory set.”) to get the kids excited about the lesson and to turn their brains on. If you’re not a melodramatic type and don’t like the idea, try thinking of it as a shared experience—it doesn’t necessarily have to be something crazy-exciting. Do something together that serves as an analogy for the concept, then link it to the academic idea. (See attached notebook presentation as an example—the teacher page is at the end)
b. Give the kids a chart, a book, or something else to look at and have them write observations, predictions, and then any questions they still have. Then share with a partner. After they’ve already familiarized themselves, dig in!
c. Don’t tell them the answers! Plan lessons that let them observe and predict/hypothesize/infer and don’t them depend on you. Every time they question you, fire a question back; lead them off to a wrong direction, or to another idea. Let them finish a sort/categorization (and give their reasoning for why they put together what they did) and have incorrect answers. Then, get another classmate from another class write them a letter and give their own ideas—what’s incorrect and why; what their grade would be and why. This fosters more independence and creativity on their part, plus you can incorporate debate/discussion, reading and writing!

Tom Horne: Devil Incarnate?

This is a short article.

Read it.

Then be furious with me.

I will rant later.

Why AZ is 50th in the Nation.

Not Just a Cute Phrase

Just about every Saturday, Mr. B and Mr. X, my hunka burnin' love, (that's gross, right? Tee hee!) drive the 15-20 minutes to the park that sits behind our school. There, they stomp around like maniacs and attempt (sometimes even succeed!) at beating whatever boys show up for a round or two of basketball. In the 95+ degree heat. Because they're insane. And incredibly good role models. But that's beside the point.

This Saturday, Mr. B was off baiting sharks with his own blood (true story) so he could not throw his arms up in either victory or indignation, so I thought I'd tag along. Not to play basketball, mind you (Me? Basketball? Let's take this whole 'becoming athletic' idea one thing at a time here....), but to be a picture-taking cheerleader. So, giant Nikon in hand, I skipped out to the court.

As Rey (soft spoken, always smiling, gentleman) and Jesus ( cookie-lovin', question-askin' jumping bean) plus the fearless teacher took on a couple other lads, I got myself situated in the meager shade of a palm tree. The temperature was perhaps a balmy 95, slight breeze, and some deliciously puffy clouds lounged in the air. All in all, a beautiful day. Hot, but bearable.

My shutter clicked over and over, capturing the boys' mad leaps and the ball's wicked flight... and then, I started to itch.

You know how sometimes when you get sweaty, you get itchy? Yes, I thought. That's what it was. My lower back was just kind of uncomfortable. Hmm. My butt was kind of itchy. This is weird. My upper back is now getting itchy.

I removed my eye from the camera for a second, took a look at my legs....and saw 4 giant, quarter-size welts.

And realized....

I had ants in my pants, ladies and gentlemen.

Ants.
In my pants.

The little demons bit me just about everywhere.

My mother's voice came back to haunt me from my childhood "Brittany, you've got ants in your pants. Will you calm down?" My father's voice echoed along side. "Get bit!" his voice echoed every time I was naughty. My childhood. Summed up in two phrases.

Was Nike (goddess of peaceful competition and victory) furious because I refused to play sports and instead wanted to lounge on my butt?
Or was this the Sandman's revenge for waking up earlier than I'd planned?
Is this karmic retribution for making fun of my sister for so many years (because mosquitoes LOVE her, but never bite me)?

I may never know the answer. But know this folks-- ants in the pants? Not just a cute little phrase after all. I would not recommend it to anyone.

Empty Nest

I'm a mess.

My "babies" had their 8th grade graduation ceremony today. They started walking into the cafeteria, and from my vantage point of the stage I could see them all-- nervous and excited-- and started to get a bit misty. Then, one of my girls from 6th grade caught my eye. Her lip quivered. I lost it. Then. Professor Juan (the adorable dimple-festooned student who would say "coooookie?" to me and cheer me up my first year) gave a speech.

"Juanito" talked about how hard it was to make it in this country, and how he came here knowing no English. After having teachers and parents who trusted him, he trusted them back and mastered the language, and moved into advanced classes-- all before 8th grade. He said something about being excited for the future because if he could accomplish this.... well, what else could he do? What else could he master? And that little cute voice of his, and those dimples, and the message of hope and hard work and the thanks and credit he gave to US? .... I lost it again.

And then they walked out. More sentimental music. I walked out, stared at the sky and kept saying "Don't talk to me! Don't talk to me! I can't look at you, I'm going to cry!"
"You're ALREADY crying, Miss J!" they said. And dozens of hugs (and pictures) soon followed. And then? They went home. 11:00 and my babies were gone. My chicos and chicas had flown the coop.

After school, Ms. C (their math teacher) and I were invited to a graduation party, but not long after we arrived it was clear that this party wasn't for Janneth. Yes, a handful of her friends where there. Yes, a few family members were there. But SHE'D made the dinner. She'd made the appetizers and the dessert. She bought flowers.

For us.

And of course, I lost it again.

I don't care how many mothers argue with me. This is worse. You know when you send your babies off to high school or college that they are and always will be your babies. You will know how to get in touch with them. You know their phone numbers and where they're living. You can keep in touch with them easily and feel assured that they will call you if they need you.

But I have no idea what will happen to my kids. Kids who have dealt with parents who have been shot to death or sent to jail, the pressures of drugs and gangs. Unimaginable things. And they stand above it. Or, thus far, they have.

Dealing with apathy is hard. Trying to make everything creative is hard. But the hardest thing of all is letting go of them. Instead, I know I'll sit here and wonder: Are they safe? Are they healthy? Are they happy? Are they successful? Do they need help? Do they need someone to listen? Do they need someone to egg them on?

It's only been a couple hours and I miss them already.

Story Reminder

Remind me:
Brytonn-- as a crayon. The dance off. Jaguar idol host.

Hope

A sound I've been longing to hear. For months.

Thunder.
The heavens are cracking. Wind whistles. And oh-- the rain.

I'd rather hear the sound of impending rain than any "Miss J, you're RIGHT."

I love tormenting them.

Jesus: (in cute Mexican accent) Meez Jaaaay, do you have cee-zars?
Me: Seizures? No, I'm not epilleptic.
Jesus: No! No! Big teacher cee-zars! Big nice ones!
Me: Like a salad? I don't have a Cesar salad either. I had a sandwich for lunch and that was hours ago.
Jesus: MISS J!
Me: What? Tee hee hee!

Girl: K, so, Miss J--
Me: Dude. Did you just call me queso Miss J? I mean, I know I'm from Wisconsin and all, but I don't appreciate being called cheese.
Girl: What?!
Me: I know, my jokes... sometimes awful. Maybe even cheesy. But it's not nice. I don't call you carne asada girl.
Girl: Oh my god.

Me: Pablo, what are you doing?
Pablo: NOTHING!
Me: Seriously?
Pablo: Yes!
Me: Did everyone hear that?
(Everyone nods) Pablo totally just said he's doing NOTHING in my class. How is that acceptable?
Pablo: MISS J!
Me: What?

Me: Adrian. You're out of line. Why? Do you think you're special?
Adrian: NO!
Me: No? Really? That's kinda sad, cuz I always thought you were kind of special. Interesting. Good kid. I mean, you beat box and everything. But now that I know you're not special..... I mean, not special at all....
Adrian: NO! I am! I am special!
Me: Didn't you guys hear that? You heard him say it right? I mean, I'm not going crazy.....
Adrian: (stomping up and down) I AM SPECIAL! I AM!

Tee hee hee!

Photos of my Room

Highlighter

Did you know that kids have been known to yank out a highlighter's guts and stick WEED in the empty cavity? SO THEY CAN sneak their repulsive contraband to school and SMOKE a JOINT IN THE BATHROOM?!

My initial emotion was that of annoyance (You're KIDDING! Who's selling them this crap?! What the hell are they thinking?!?!), and then I was struck by the Brutal Gavel of Irony.

.... Highlighter.

8th Grade Standards are Crap

8th Grade Standards are garbage.

Take Strand 4, Concept 2: Reproduction and Heredity.
PO 1: Explain the purposes of cell division (growth and repair, reproduction)
PO 2: Explain the basic principles of heredity using the human examples of: eye color, widow's peak, blood type.
PO 3: Distinguish between the nature of dominant and recessive traits in humans

And that's it. I can't just teach that! That's! Garbage! And not interesting! Yawn!
So instead, we talked about:

1. DNA and its location, shape, function, and how it fixes itself. Ligase, telomerase and all. The sugar phosphate backbone. The bases--adenine, thymine, guanine and cytosine. Histones. The discovery. Watson, Crick, Wilkins, Franklin and even Pauling. X-ray crystallography.
2. Genes. Their location. Sickle Cell Anemia. Mutations.
3. Chromosomes. Their location, number, variation in species, trisomy, male vs. female, how parents pass on different genes to their children. Chromosomal disorders.
4. Proteins. RNA's job. Ribosome's job. Receptor proteins. Structural proteins. Enzymes. The similarities and differences between RNA and DNA. mRNA, tRNA. Codons. Translation. Transcription. Replication.
5. Heredity. Zygotes. Sperm and Egg. The endless possibilities. In vitro and the crazy octuplet mom. Fraternal vs. Identical twins. Conjoined twins.
6. Traits. Acquired vs. Inherited. Physical. Behavioral. Gene-linked medical conditions. The impact of the environment and choices on us. Medical predispositions. Alleles. Dominant. Recessive. Homozygous versus heterozygous. Incomplete dominance. How much we have in common. Mendel. Punnet squares. Genotype vs. Phenotype. Tongue rolling to widow's peaks to hitch hiker thumbs.
7. Crazy shit. The spider goat. The human genome project. Cloning. Genetic engineering.

AND THEY DIDN'T EVEN COMPLAIN.
Of course, I'm sure all of it didn't stick. But that's okay!!!

Because.
Look at the.
HS Standards:
PO 1: Analyze the relationships among nucleic acids (DNA, RNA) genes and chromosomes.
PO 2: Describe the molecular basis of heredity, in viruses and living things, including DNA replication and protein synthesis.
PO 3: Explain how genotypic variation occurs and results in phenotypic diversity.
PO 4: Describe how meiosis and fertilization maintain genetic variation.

They will thank me later.

Minds Gone to Pot

On 4/20.
Several 7th graders were in the park.
Smoking pot.
And then they brought it to school.
Smart.

IS ANYONE PARENTING THESE CHILDREN!?

I didn't know a forest could golf.

"Okay, coniferous forest would be one name of this biome, but what else is it called?"

Crickets.

"Also the boreal forest or the.... come on people, Russia. Canada. Starts with a T. Not tundra."

"T-A-I...."

Bayron looks at me. Grins. Sparkles.

"Taiga Woods. Heh heh heh."

Jorge! And an apology.

Jorge came back!
And the Sexual Harassment Kid apologized!

What a day. More later.

Invasive J

Today, I had them look at two phrases and jot down anything and everything that came to mind. The two phrases:

Alien Invasion.
Illegal Alien.

They had three minutes to work with their tables, laugh and share (all of them were terrified to write "Mexicans" under illegal alien which made me laugh-- Mexicans worried being racist TO Mexicans is somehow hilarious). Then, I took their suggestions at the board. World domination. Adaptations, senses or skills we don't have. They look harmless but aren't. They shouldn't be here. Foreigners. Immigration. Dangerous. Destruction. Using all our resources and leaving....

As we are going over this, and I'm reiterating points, I see that one of my girls is collapsing into a heap of giggles. Her notebook is over her face and she's shuddering. I ask her what the joke is. She just points to the girl next to her.

"What?" Marissa just says. "All I said was, I didn't think it was cool that PEOPLE had to have papers but ANIMALS don't have papers. And they can cause all KINDS of trouble."

"Funny you say that Marissa.... because that's JUST where I'm going."
Dawning look. "Have.... have you been getting at invasive species this whole time without us knowing it?"

I grin.
"Damn, Miss J. You are sneaky." Indeed.

Stories: Remind me!

At some point, will someone please remind me that I've got to jot down three stories?
1. Fern & the Helium Balloons of Destruction
2. Sexual Harassment: A Class Divided (and what to do about it)
3. Data Walks and How Very Special I Felt Today, 4.20.2009

Strategy #2: Questioning

Okay, so I just talked about one of the strategies I've been using lately-- letting the kids observe and wonder and make predictions, but not providing them with the "correct answers." This makes them feel really safe-- there are no "I told you sos" or any kids feeling smug. It promotes an environment where even the kid who feels like a science loser can participate without worry. This incorporates not only observation, but reading, writing, speaking, analysis of an idea, judgment, debate and even reflection into your week. But what did I do to keep them thinking? I asked the little suckers a TON of questions. And boy, did they hate me for it.

As teachers, we barrage our kids with a multitude of questions... but what are meaningful ones? And how do we get them to actually THINK before they speak?

Commonly, I've noticed that students want to give you the answer they THINK you're looking for. They want the praise and the satisfaction of being right... but they're not THINKING. They're simply reacting to what you put in front of them. Most teachers, when a "right" answer is shouted out feel happy. Ahh yes, they are on the same page. Excellent. Of course, you soon realize that it's only 4-5 big-mouthed students who are with you....and they haven't even processed the question. They don't know why the question is important. So, because sometimes you're just GOING to ask questions that have obvious answers (even dreaded yes/no ones)... try to fix it. Or as the dude from Spiderman would say: try to rectify certain inequities. Okay, so that doesn't quite work here. But onward!

Let's look at how this works in my classroom on at least a monthly basis.

1. Miss J asks question.
2. Kids shout out answer, gleeful that they know the answer, and will make Miss J oh-so-very proud.
3. Miss J realizes that students took NO time to think about what she posed..and realizes it is her own fault for asking such a dopey, shallow question.
4. Miss J pauses and gives the kids.... THE LOOK. You know the one. Slightly pursed lips to one side, furrowed brow, slightly narrowed eyes. It's the look that says "Reallly? Is that seriously how you're going to answer that?"
5. The kids see The Look (Number 216 in case you're counting) and IMMEDIATELY give the OPPOSITE ANSWER. "Ah ha! Now this HAS to be right!"
6. Miss J gives them the look again.
7. Class dissolves in confusion. What is she doing?!?! NEITHER WAS RIGHT? AWW GAWD!
8. Miss J says something like "This time, I want you to PAUSE and THINK before you speak. Raise your hands when you are ready." OR "This time, I want you to jot down your answer. When it's complete, raise your hand."
9. Miss J gives them a variation of the question, but HOPEFULLY in a deeper format. The kids pause, think, reply.
10. Miss J asks them why in the world she wouldn't take their first answers. Discussion ensues.
Problem solved.

Most helpful tool: GIVING THEM THE LOOK EVEN WHEN THEY ARE RIGHT.
Why I do it?: To get them to think before they respond, to second guess what they originally might think, to think beyond the surface level, and to be able to give JUSTIFICATION for their answer.


Many days I do "warm-ups" in the morning as bell work. For warm ups, students are allowed to use their notes. (It's a clever way to make them recopy them in a different format and in their own words, most days. Heh heh heh. God, I'm crafty. Of course, the kids that don't TAKE them struggle... most end up taking them eventually.) After about 5 minutes, students are given 1 minute to share with their neighbor. Then, they KEEP their work and self check it. I go over the answers, and they add any information they DIDN'T have into their work. I collect all of these at the end of the week.

ANYHOW, as I'm in the check stage, I ask the question, and get volunteers to give the answer.
RULE: THEY MUST ANSWER IN COMPLETE SENTENCES.

This takes a while to get used to, so we walk through the process. I write down EXACTLY what the kids says. Even "errs" and "uumms" and giggles. This usually breaks the tension a little bit, and we all have a good laugh-- but only if the student is one who can handle it.

If the student says one word, I write just that one word down. Then, I then ask the student if he or she can fix it on his/her own and make it into a sentence. They think a few seconds and do. I give mucho praise. Then, I ask the class "what word can we replace thing/something/the object/stuff with?" We make the sentence better, it evolves. And the next question continues the trend.

By the end of the answering period.....

1. They will think before they speak. It takes longer time to construct a sentence. This means your answers will be more thought out.
2. Because the answers will be more thought out, kids will stumble upon a justification, extension or an example they might not have thought of initially.
3. You get to praise them more-- not only on their answers and word choices, but on their THINKING which is far more important.
4. Almost all of your kids will be answering in complete sentences and actively thinking!

Why is this awesome?
It helps their writing.
It slows them down.
It gives "slower" kids a chance to think a bit longer.
It builds confidence.
It allows piggybacking.


A challenge: if I am asking for examples, I won't let students answer back THE SAME WAY. This makes the answering kind of a game AND they can work on their transition/sequencing words.

EX:

1. Miss J, one example of a consumer is a rabbit.
2. Another example of a consumer would be a turkey.
3. In addition to rabbits and turkeys, armadillos are also consumers.
4. Consumers in a desert climate might also be gila monsters and cactus wrens.


More questioning strategies:
1. Ask a student to REPEAT the answer the last student said VERBATIM. WHY? They have to listen to the other students-- not JUST you. Everyone is a teacher, everyone is a learner, everyone is important.
2. NEXT: Ask a third student to REPEAT the answer the last student said IN THEIR OWN WORDS. Why? It forces them to use their own language and synthesize or summarize to create meaning for themselves.

Okay. I'm done for now. Too may epiphanies and I'm drained. So... just one question....

Do you get why I'm doing all this?

Wait. Did you just shout YES!

Sigh. Look 216 comin' right atcha.

Stella got her Groove, I've got my Sparkle (AKA Strategy #1: Don't Give 'em the Answer!)

So, lately, I haven't been giving my kids any of the answers. And it kind of infuriates them. But, I've found its soooooo sooo effective. Here's what I do.
1. I give them a chart, a short article (that they DON'T read right away) a picture of a skull, a diagram etc.
2. I have them fill out a 3- column chart.

The first column says "I see" -- they describe what they see. If it's an article, they write bold words, describe a picture, write the caption-- anything that sticks out. They just use their MIGHTY POWERS OF OBSERVATION (totally a science skill). Anything they notice, they jot down.

The second column says "I think" -- here they make predictions, inferences, judgment calls, etc. based on what they saw. Anything they can imagine based on what they have, they write. Here, without knowing it, they are using their MIGHTY POWERS OF.... er.... HYPOTHESIZING!

The third column says "I wonder"-- here they write any things that popped into their heads that they didn't have the data to answer. Anything that they were thinking but couldn't answer. These questions, then, drive the rest.

After that, they write a line under everything they had. Next, they share with a partner and add any additional material they didn't have. Then, we share as a class. And then, after I give them a little more information to lead them in the right direction, we do the whole thing again, but only in a more interactive, activity based form.

For example, last week I put 4-5 different pictures (colored! woo!) of skulls on the tables. They did the see-think-wonder chart and I could tell what level they were at-- were they using words like "predator" or "carnivore" or no? Day two, I introduce some words they knew but had probably forgotten. Then, they had a partner and 20 skull pictures. They first categorized them into fish/mammal/reptile or amphibian/bird and had to give justifications. They asked me questions, but I just fired back more. I played devils advocate. I asked them what rules they were creating-- how did they know what category to put it in? Did that rule apply to all?

Then, they organized them by diet-- was the animal an omnivore? Herbivore? Carnivore? And again, provided justifications for each category. After each group discussed their choices with me, and I obnoxiously pestered them with questions (but that looks like it has a beak. why isn't that a bird?...so then they put it in the bird group... but guys, it has teeth. none of these other skulls have teeth! ARRGGH MISS J!!!! heh heh heh), they glued their choices down and wrote their justifications. I made sure that each group had "wrong" answers that could be debated.

The next day, I handed out one sort to each group-- one sort from another CLASS! They had to first prewrite-- what do they see-observe-etc. Then, they wrote a letter to the students, told them what they would change and why, and give them a grade and justify that. If they did something well, this was also added. The final day, students got to look at their classmates evaluations and make any corrections. Finally, they wrote to me, said what they would change, given new information, if they wouldn't change anything, they had to improve their justifications etc.

So, then their grade was based on three things: the sort/justification itself, their letter evaluating another's work, their final reflective letter to me. It's not about accuracy, its about what you were thinking, I told them, and how well you articulated it.

Booyah. I never told them what skulls they were looking at. It still drives them crazy. So, then at the end of last week, I posed this question:
"Why did was it so important to figure everything out on your own?" In other words: why did I question you but not give you answers? What is the method to my madness?

These are some of the answers I got:

"You probably feel we are capable enough for this challenge and you are making us think twice about what we see. And we are looking at them at different perspectives. You're challenging us! Good one! :) "

"Maybe because you want to see what we know or what we can imagine."

"It teaches us to think beyond what we see and think! It may also be that you want us to practice the scientific method."

"We need to figure it out on our own because if you give us the answers we will be depending on you constantly. We won't learn to work on our own. We'll practically become lazy and not try hard."

"So we can learn stuff and get through life without something being handed to us. Or someone telling us all the answers. It just shows us we don't need people in our life to give us all the answers."

"Because when we get introduced to something new and have no clue what it is, we figure it out and compare it to other things. Scientists discover unknown things all the time!"

"It makes us think more and makes us think of questions that we wouldn't think on a regular basis. It also lets us be creative."

"You want us to have good skills of observation and for us to understand how it works FOR OURSELVES."

"You want us to figure it out on our own because we'll be able to understand it better if we can explain it to ourselves and others."

"You wanted us to think about it and actually use our brains instead of you always giving us the answers! Think outside of the box!"

"Sometimes not all the answers will be given to us, and we are going to have to do it on our own."

"On the test you won't be able to tell us the answers. It will benefit on the test when we are alone."

"Because usually the answer is right in front of you, or to see if we were paying attention when it came down to it."

"Because we don't learn anything if we always get answers. And if we think we're right about something you always want us to prove it.

"When we get in the 9th grade, our teachers/professors might not help us. It will only be up to us."

"To show us how we can accomplish anything on our own. And to show that we need you because you show us everything that we need to know."



That weekend, I got an e-mail from a really, really bright student. It said:

Ms. J,

You have been one of the best teachers I've had here @ ________... You always make me think OUTSIDE the box and you make the most BORING subjects interesting and fun to learn. That's why I love your class...

Thanks for being such an awesome teacher,

Jessica

Let's just say.... Miss J is back.

A Pear

"Hey, hey, Cafeteria Lady, can I have another pear?" William asks, giant, dopey grin on his face.
She rolls her eyes, but can't help but smile.
"Yeeees, you can have a pear."
William, all lumbering six feet of him, leaps awkwardly from his table, and grabs two.

"One!" The cafeteria lady calls.
He looks at me, holding both pears in one hand, grins.

"A pair!" he beams. Then looks at me and taps his forehead with one free finger. "Common sense!"

Africa

I want to go to Africa. And I want to bring some of my kids with me. Is that so crazy?

Barbie Doll Posse and Big J

At lunch duty last week:

William: Hey, Miss J! Want to be in my new gang?
Me: No.
William: Aww, why not? It's called the Barbie Dolls.
Me: Oh! In that case.... No.
William: (Looking slightly pained) Why not?!
Me: Do I look like a Barbie doll to you?
William: Do I?
Me: Point taken. Still no.
William: Okay. We need to have a secret handshake then. Ready?

High five, then hands arcing down and slap, back up and hitting the back of our hands slap!, arms at 90 degree angles and slice!

So, now we do this constantly. Because we are BOTH 14. And awesome.

And, due to my enormity, (or, actually, due to the fact that I told a kid that instead of writing my name on a paper, just write "a big J") he now refers to me as such.
It's no longer "Miss J" but "Big J". Cuz, you know. I'm so money.
Like. A half a peso.


Maaaan. I am going to MISS THIS KID.

Answer: A Little Salty

After school, Ms. C (the 8th grade math teacher), Jose (a kid who never wants to go home) and I were walking back into the building after duty. Information you need for this to be funny? My boyfriend aka flame of eternal hotness aka teacher of the year nominee aka 7th grade math teacher's last name is of a specific element on the periodic table known as Ag. Aka: Silver.

Jose: (totally out of the blue) Miss J what does Silver taste like?
Me: WHAT?!
(Ms. C starts to speed up so she can't make eye contact, and I swear, lets out a little snort of glee)
Jose: I mean, you told us how people bite into gold on cartoons and stuff to see if it was real. But you never told us what silver tasted like.
Me: How would I know that, Jose? (the accidental double entendre is killing me, killing me! I start to make funny noises so I don't laugh.)
Jose: Shrugs. I dunno. You know everything.
Me: Go home, Jose. (Oh god, I can't lie! I can't tell him I don't know...)

Jose goes home.

Ms. C: (gleam in her eye, huge grin on her face) So, what does Silver taste like? I'm dying to know.
Me: Shut up.

We both explode with laughter and thank the Buddha our kids aren't more observant.

Next Year's Goals

Things I need to focus on for next year:

1. Linking science with literacy more efficiently and more effectively.
2. Teaching my kids how to write good questions so they can think more critically.
3. Involving current events more.
4. Creating an after school club so I can go to Africa. (More on that later)
5. Integrating more games.
6. Doing some sort of fund raiser to get more money for science materials.

Featuring: Brytonn

I have a little pistol named Brytonn in my 7/8th period class. He's darker than night, sharper than a katana blade, and hilarious. We've developed quite the working relationship. One day, a teacher from another school was watching me to see if he wanted to teach 7 or 8th grade science next year. I think I scandalized him.

Me: Brytonn, give me the Sharpie.
Brytonn: Awwww, c'mon, Miss J.
Me: (rolling eyes) Hand it over. You know they're not allowed. Too many dufuses tagging in the bathroom.
Brytonn: But... but what if I want to write a note on MYSELF later?
Me: Aww, come on Brytonn. You know you won't be able to see that anyway.
Class: BUUUUUURN!
Brytonn: You're racist.
Me: Oh yeah. Big time. Obviously. Without a doubt. Totally racist. Still gotta gimme the Sharpie though.
Brytonn: Shoot.


Today, some of the kids were teaching, and I was being a student (and ooooooh boy was THAT fun. I played tic-tac-toe, wrote notes, slept.... heh heh heh) and tried to figure Brytonn out once more.

Brytonn: Mbbbbrrrzzzzttt!
Me: What.... was that?
Brytonn: Oh. Miss J. I mean, Brittany. Since you're a student now and all. I didn't see you there.
Me: Uh huh. What's with the noise?
Brytonn: (looking mock confused) Oh. That? Yeah. I was receiving transmission.
Me: From?
Brytonn: Mars. Obviously.
Me: Obviously. I didn't know you were a Martian. I thought you were just from Africa.
Brytonn: Oh no. I'm from Mars, planet beyond the stars, we drive space cars. You can come and visit-- it's not that far. We have all sorts of galaxy games, I'm better than lil' Wayne. Don't got Chris Brown, we got Chris Get-Outta-Town. Don't got Lil' Waybe, we got Lil' Pain. Hooray for today on Mars. You can come visit me, I'll lend you my space car. I can rhyme all the time, its not a crime... on Mars. I'm a Martian monkey, kinda funky, my tail looks like an extra hand but it's not, send me up your best astronaut. Hooray for today on Mars.
Brtzzzzzzzzt! Oh oh! Time to go home. I'm OUT, Miss J.
Me: Have fun on the red planet.

I could not even make this apology up.

An actual apology letter written from one of my students to another. Words are exact. Even those in parentheses. Apostrophes have been removed from non-possessive words to stop you from going mad. Names have been changed to protect my obviously darling students.


Jose Gonzales
I'm sorry for telling you that your dad t-bags you and you suck it all up. Though you provoked me by saying you did (screwed) my mom, which is in no case funny just annoying. I will try to control my behavior a little better and my situations. I don't understand why the both of us didn't get into trouble but this is how life is. I go to school to be a student as well as you do. Not to make jokes and play. I come for the education. If you or I are ruining the chances we should be stopped. I will try harder in my quest for knowledge and again, I'm sorry.

Sincerely,
Thomas Anderson



Where do I even begin?

Science? Who needs it?

It's 2:16 in the morning and I can't sleep. Usually, the things that keep me up are worries about finances, or the economy, or any of those other adult themed things that aren't the adult themed things that are SUPPOSED to keep a woman up at night. Tonight though, I'm a bit furious about a rumor I heard. Now, I know it's a rumor, and there may be no fruition or truth behind it, but in case I need to plead MY case... I need to get some thoughts straight.

So here it is: I've heard that the school is looking at scheduling for next year, and that they want to give more time for the kids to read each day. The reading block, while already 2 hours long for most kids, apparently isn't enough. So, where are they going to take it from? You guessed it. Science. The plan thrown out, (which in my opinion SHOULD be thrown out) apparently, is to give the kids an 80 minute block of science like this year.... but only every other day. Let's talk about this.

First of all, the world is very different from the one I grew up in. When I was 13 I didn't have a cell phone or an ipod. Our family was lucky enough to have a computer, but even that wasn't yet commonplace. So, in some ways, the kids have it made. But in others, the world is a mess.

If you don't know me, you don't know what a voracious reader I am. I have an incredible thirst for knowledge, and in the last year, I've read tomes upon tomes about the chemicals we come in contact with every day (and the links to autism, ADD, ADHD, and early menstruation among females), the amount of sludge we've poured into our environment, global warming, the energy crisis, the downfall of suburbia which seems like heaven but will ultimately be our demise if we don't find a new way to power everything we love so dearly. Costs are rising, jobs are scarce-- we are entering a new era, and I'm afraid. This was supposed to be a century of hope and technology and efficiency, and what we need is people to realize that dream. But what are we creating? What is our education system doing? And what do we NEED more than anything else?

We need science. We need kids who thirst for it. We need kids and parents and whole communities who not only know about what is going on in the world, but have a chance at actually helping us fix it. Is reading important? Of course. But what good is it going to do when the kids hate it? What is going to motivate them to learn on their own or to make them want to read? They need to be given a chance to involve themselves in something that actually excites them, something they actually care about. And you know what? Reading will follow.

Taking away science is a huge disservice to our kids. Not only is it something they love, but its everything. Its reading and history and math and science. Its everywhere. Its us. Its everything around us. How can we expect them to be competitive when they are in the real world? How can we expect them to give a shit if we don't open their eyes?

And why in the world are we not giving some of the responsibility of the whole reading burden to the PARENTS? Why are we not saying, hey, you know what? We are having a mandatory parent meeting. Let's schedule a bunch of them. You sign up for a time. We will bring the library people in. You will sign up for cards. We will tell you exactly why it is a failing school and why it isn't just our responsibility to educate the children of the nation. Even the president will tell you that. Children need parents who push them too. We need to set high expectations for the parents so they can set the same expectations for their kids. Get in some free food. Reel them in. And BAM. Do something about it. Make the parents aware, make the parents accountable, and form some sort of PTA based program that keeps them doing THEIR job. Your job is not just to make money and bring home food for your family. Your job is to make sure your kids will be productive members of society. We can not do this alone. And this reading first model is garbage.

I have some incredible, astoundingly brilliant kids this year. But they don't know what a proton is. Yet, I am supposed to teach them about chemical reactions. They don't know what a cell is, but they should know about mitosis and meiosis and heredity and adaptations. Why? Because the only science most of them got was in 7th grade. And 7th grade only covers geology and astronomy. So, its up to me to teach them the basics of physics, chemistry, genetics, cellular biology, ecology and evolution plus how to run and conduct an experiment, research and analyze and interpret data? In 180 days? Or, worse yet, 90? How is this feasible? What are we thinking? How is this even an option.

Interest! Interest! It's preached all the time in reading classes. Get the kids reading something they love, and they'll latch on. I can bitch about the Twilight series all day (really, you don't want to get me started on that one) BUT, you know what? They're reading. Case closed. So, you really think that if you take away one of the only classes they actually go into with an OPEN MIND they'll be successful? Talk to my kids. They might tell you that they don't always love my class, because you know what? I'm hard on them. I expect really high level stuff from them. But you won't find too many kids who come into my room thinking "Shit. I can't do this. This subject is not for me."

And what happens when they have a crappy reading teacher? What happens if they get stuck with someone who doesn't teach them reading strategies, or doesn't push them, make them accountable, come up with ingenious ways to teach inference and high level vocabulary words, and what to do when you are insanely stuck and have no teacher or dictionary? What do you do then? You waste their time. You give them busy work. You put on a dog-and-pony show. I've seen both varieties and both amount to what? Nothing. Sure, you throw some kids who are on grade level and you might not see a terrible decline, but you know what? We owe them just as much as we owe the kids that are low. It's not okay to be a mediocre teacher. And its not okay to throw more scripted programs at them, more silent reading time, or more time in classrooms with teachers who are, themselves NOT PREPARED TO TEACH READING. (Not to say, of course, that we have no good reading teachers at my school. I can think of a couple who are fantastic. But as a whole? Its laughable. I know reading teachers who claim, no joke, that they themselves don't like to read.)

So, you know what? I already use reading strategies in my class. And I weave in math. And I will continue to do that more. And I am sure that the other science teacher would have no problem doing the same. I can step it up. The parents can step it up. The kids themselves can step it up. We can all take a shared responsibility for this problem.

But don't you dare take away science from my kids. Don't you dare put one more hurdle in their way, one more insane obstacle. You want them to succeed? Really?

Then give them what they really need.
Not more of the same. If my hair dryer isn't working, I don't unplug it, and then replug into the same faulty outlet and just turn it on LONGER. And stare at it wondering why there's no air coming out.
I change. Or maybe I scrap the whole damn thing and let my hair air dry and see what happens.

The definition of crazy? Taking away science from our kids.
Period.

Cupcapes.

Also-- remind me to tell you about the Cupcape crusader...and his devious plot for our children. No joke. And no typo either.

Here's the beauty!

Here she is at 4 days. Now, its peeling and itchy like a sunburn but I can't pick at it and I'm going a bit out of my gourd. Good thing its spring break!

Shock Value

I wonder what will stun my students more:

1. Learning that I am dating the math teacher OR
2. Learning that I now have a tattoo. (It will be the one and only)

Oh, what fun! It's always good to have surprises, isn't it?
I so look forward to seeing their faces!

More notes on all of that later. When my body ISN'T going into shock.

Much love!

Good News

On Monday, the best thing happens:

My "nephew" joins my class again! HOORAY!

Jesus = one of the best kids EVER. Also, he keeps saying he's gonna call "mom" and "grama"....so sis and mom, I'd be waiting for some silliness......

Starting off the New Year RIGHT!

In the last week.....

1. A kid threw fireworks at the portables. You know. Where the little 4th graders and special ed kids are. Twice. Got suspended for 6 days.

2. A kid (maybe the same one) threw a burning stick into our field. And burnt half of it down. The firemen had to come and hose it with all their might.

3. Several 7th graders got drunk on tequila IN THE MIDDLE OF CLASS. Told the teacher it was apple juice. Got suspended. (Also, hilarious to note, some of the drunken debauchery happened in the same room where pot was being passed around and sold earlier this year...Apparently Mr. B's classroom is partay-central)

4. I have been called a table dancer and was told (once again) that I had a "phat" booty. Also was told I had my "eyes shoved up my anus." And when I nonchalantly told a girl, after lunch, that she had "crap on her butt" (meaning, not actual crap...just that she sat in something and might want to run to the restroom for a second), she snottily replied "Maybe you should lick it off."

5. Heard at least five conversations about virginity-- who has lost theirs and who hasn't yet. A must do on the 8th grade check off list, apparently. (No pun intended. Ugh.)

Welcome to middle school in 2009, folks.

Not 40

I'm always trying to create analogies to connect sciencey-gobbledy-gook to the lives of my students-- something most of my teachers never did for me. I'm getting into the real basics of chemistry (as in serious basics... these kids don't even know what MATTER is. I say "What's matter?" and they say "Nothin, what's the matter with you?" ....No joke.)

I compared elements to the colors blue, yellow and red-- colors that make (nearly) all of the other colors. Pure substances. Etc. I also tried to compare the subatomic particles to their genes.

"Okay, so in each of your cells you have your DNA, which is what makes you.... YOU. I can't take one of Bayron's cells and get a piece of Daisy hair from it. No matter if you get fatter, skinnier, dye your hair blue, pierce your tongue twelve times, or start riding on a hippo to school... You're still you. Right?"

"Right."

"Okay. That's like a proton. The number of protons in an atom code for what kind of element it is, just like your DNA codes for you. So, there's gold, and carbon, and oxygen and krypton and all sorts of good stuff. Every time you've got 6 protons, it's gonna be carbon. Just like any cell I take from Pedro's gonna code for Pedro. Every time I've got 2 protons, it's gonna be helium. Got it?"

"Got it." (Good little drones.)

And then I say this...... to my rambunctious, sexually-charged, insane, wild, rowdy bunch.

"So, the variation in elements comes from the number of protons, but the specific number of protons will always make the same element. So, just like, again my DNA. It doesn't matter how I change as a person, I'm always gonna have the same DNA.

There's a five year old version of me... and a forty year old virgin of ......"

Silence.
Then? Insane, chimpanzee like laughter.

I smacked my forehead. "Oh crap."
The kids, crimson faced, laughed on.

"Dude, Miss J! You gotta get on that!!!"
"

Rant

I think the span from mid-October until Christmas break is the hardest time of the year-- its filled with so many breaks and so much excitement, that the kids don't want to do anything. Even the motivated ones. You find yourself reteaching, and turning into even more of an Evil Dictator (I cannot count the number of times I've heard "Miss J, you're MEAN!" Yeah, I know. Get over it.) so you can nip behavior in the bud before it gets even worse.

Now, its January, and though I should be well rested from two weeks of vacation, I'm worse off than before. I am completely, entirely exhausted.

To make matters worse, Monday when we walked in....there was no paper in the copy room. Those of us who were there early were scrambling. Wondering-- where the hell did all the paper go? There was a ton in here... wasn't there?

And then, an answer. But not via e-mail. Through the rumor mill. Someone had moved all the paper out. Boss's orders. We will be getting two boxes (16 measly reams) of paper. To last us for the rest of the year. But wasn't provided Monday morning for our usage. OR even today, Tuesday. There's been no official word on anything, as a matter of fact.

But, regardless of how many people this plan would throw off, there was no communication. No warning us. Or having any sort of conversation along the lines of "Hey guys, if we don't cut down on paper usage...this is what's going to happen". Then, you know, maybe "This will be going into effect on This Date, please send two kids down to get your paper."

But no. Nothing. So, all of us who didn't have copies made before break were out of luck. Read: all of us were out of luck. Mostly. There were a few scraps of pink paper I managed to snatch before anyone else got to them. A few teachers were early enough to finish the last bits of other colors. But mostly? We were out of luck. On a Monday morning. After break.

This is the sort of thing that infuriates me and makes me not want to teach here. Its the principal of the matter-- communicate before you make a decision. We don't even have to be in on the decision, but damn it, someone should at least tell us what's happening. Preferably before it happens.

This sort of crappy little thing happens all the time. A lot of it trickles down from the district level which is a total disaster. Nothing is efficient, nothing is orderly. My pay is hilarious. Yet, I easily spend 4 extra hours a night STILL making things for these kids. And they want to keep me. Because, despite how furious I feel sometimes, I'm a good teacher. And I like my kids. Everything I do is for my kids.

But for this? For the headaches and the stress and the feelings of inadequacy, and the lack of parental support, and the lack of materials, the lack of background knowledge of the kids, the lack of communication, the lack of schedules.... I don't think I can do this again.

At least, not here.

I'm starting to develop a bad attitude, and I don't want it.
I'm not the person to complain about things-- roll with the punches and do what you can's always been more of my motto.... but you know what, enough is enough.

I am a professional. I work so that I don't see the sun. I am completely invested in my kids. And I am treated with little regard. And that, my friends, makes me angry.